Definitely Not To Be

| Ft. Myers, FL, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, do you happen to have a copy of Hamlet?”

Me: “Yes we do. Let me show you to it.”

Customer: “Well, actually, do you have an audio version of it?”

Me: “Hmm, maybe. Let me look it up.”

Customer: “Okay, but can you make sure it’s one read by the author?”

Blimey Guv’nor, This Magazine Is A Bloody Good Read

| New Jersey, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “Where are the magazines?”

Me: “Right here. If you have any questions, please ask.”

Customer: “Um, what’s the difference between Cosmo and UK Cosmo?”

Me: “Well, one is more expensive and it looks like they have different articles.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Do you know if UK Cosmo is written in an accent?”

(V)ery (A)bsent (T)hought

| London, UK | Uncategorized

(After confirming the price of every single item in a customer’s basket as it goes through the till, I finally hand her the receipt.)

Customer: “Wait, what’s this thing here? It was really expensive!” *points at item on her receipt*

Me: “That’s VAT.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “Value Added Tax.”

Customer: “I didn’t buy any of that.”

Animal Planet After Hours

| Kettering, OH, USA | Uncategorized

Manager: “Hi ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just need a book for my grandson. It’s called Bestiality.”

Manager: “I’m sorry, what did you say it was called?”

Customer:Bestiality. He’s in second grade. It’s this series of books.”

Manager: “Ah, could you mean Beast Quest perhaps?”

Customer: “Yes, Beast Quest. What did I say?”

Manager: “Um…bestiality.”

(The customer’s eyes bug out as she turns every shade of red.)

Manager:Beast Quest is this way if you’ll follow me…”

Pages Of A Post-Apocalyptic Persuasion

| United Kingdom | History

Customer: “I want a book to complete the set for my grandson.”

Me: “Certainly, madam. Can I ask what you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Well, he’s interested in history. I want to encourage him, so he’s already got books on World War 1 and World War 2. I want to get him the next one so he can be prepared before they do it at school.”

Me: “Um, the next one?”

Customer: “Yes. Haven’t you got anything on World War 3? I’ve looked all over.”

Me: “I’m sorry, madam. I’m pretty certain we don’t have anything on that subject at the moment.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind then. I’ll try a bigger bookshop.”

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