All Sold Out Of Death Notes

| Auckland, New Zealand | Crazy Requests

(The bookstore is located in the center of town, so we often have peculiar occurrences.)

Me: “Hi there, sir. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a card.”

Me: “Our card section is right this way. What occasion did you need the card for?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a card for my enemy.”

Me: “Um, okay—”

Customer: “I want it to say ‘DIE, BASTARD, DIE!'”

Me: “I’m…afraid we don’t actually have any cards to fit your needs. Your best bet is to try down the road at [competitor’s] store.”

Employees Go Through H*** Every Day

| Sault Ste. Marie, MI, USA | Uncategorized

(A customer is looking through a book debunking apocalypse scares.)

Customer: “Wait, what do they mean the apocalypse hasn’t happened yet?!”

Sure Thing, Sweet Cheeks

| Ontario, Canada | Language & Words, Rude & Risque

(We have international newspapers that we keep behind us at the till. Also, I’m female. I’ve just finished ringing up some British newspapers for a customer.)

Me: “Have a brilliant day.”

Customer: “Can I take a look at your rack?”

(This not only catches me off guard, but all the staff and customers within earshot, who turn and look at us.)

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “I just want to see what else you’ve got to offer.”

(Everybody is still staring.)

Customer: *realizing what he’s said* “Oh! Your newspaper rack.”