Meaning What I Say

| Omaha, NE, USA | Uncategorized

(We usually ask if the customer would like a bag for a single item purchase.)

Me: “Do you need a bag for this, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t need a bag, if that’s what you’re trying to ask!”

The Truth Is Waaay Out There

| Southern Missouri, USA | Bizarre, Zombies

Customer: “Do you know who wrote Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter?”

Me: “Oh yeah…it was the same guy who wrote Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I can show you where it is.”

Customer: “When I first heard about this book, I was shocked! I had to sit there for a minute and see if I remembered any of my teachers mentioning that Lincoln killed vampires.”

(I decide to remain silent while she continues.)

Customer: “You know, the government tries to keep things like this from us. You can tell, because they never mention any of the supernatural things that happen in the news. You know…all those true exorcism and demon movies!”

Not Going To Qualify

| Arizona, USA | School

Student: “I’d like to know where your study guides are. I’m going to take a test.”

Me: “Sure, which one?”

Student: “The Mensa test. I need to know where your Mensa test study guides are.”

Me: “I’m sorry. They don’t make those.”

Student: “So, will you be getting some in soon?”