Go Directly To School, Do Not Pass Go

| Oxford, UK | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hi, I need to buy Monopoly.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t actually sell board games.”

Customer: “Oh? Why not?”

Me: “Well, this is a bookshop. We pretty much only sell books.”

Customer: “Can I get the book of Monopoly?”

Me: “I’m not sure we have any books about Monopoly the game, but I can have a look on our system.” *I check the system* “Yes, I’m sorry. The only books we have are about monopolies in finance.”

Customer: “Maybe that will do? Does it come with the hat and everything?”

Me: “It’s a book, not a board game so there aren’t any player pieces or anything, and we don’t actually have any books about the board game monopoly either. I think if you’re interested in Monopoly the game, you should go to [store] across the street.”

Customer: “Okay, maybe I’ll try that. While I’m here though, do you have that one with the candlestick and the library?”

Me: “Cluedo?” (Called ‘Clue’ in the USA.) “Again, I’m afraid it’s a board game so [store] across the street is your best bet.”

Customer: “How do you expect kids to like reading when you don’t sell anything they’d want to read?!”

(Not One Of) History’s Mysteries

| Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, History, Top

(I am helping a little boy find a children’s book on Native American history for a book report.)

Me: “I think this one will come in handy. It’s all about the different Native American tribes and traditions. It even includes a large map showing where the Native American tribes lived.”

Little Boy: “Thank you!”

(He walks away with his book and an adult customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why did you do that?”

Me: “Do what?”

Customer: “Tell him those are real.”

Me: “Native Americans?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Because they are real.”

Customer: “No! They only exist in movies with cowboys!”

Me: “I can assure you that Native Americans exist.”

Customer: *mocking* “I suppose you believe cowboys really existed, too?”

Had Too Many Muska-Beers

| Nanaimo, B.C., Canada | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Language & Words

Me: “Can I help you sir?”

Customer: “Yes do you have any books by Alexander Dumba**?”

Me: “I think you mean Alexandre Dumas?”

Customer: “Oh, is that how you say it?”

Cinnamon Puns

| North Bay, ON, Canada | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Hall of Fame, Language & Words, Top

Customer: “Our daughter is looking for a book called Antonyms and Cinnamons.”

(I type it into our search system, but no dice.)

Me: “Would you know the author’s name?”

Customer: “No, I forget. It was something weird though. She wrote it down, but I forget.”

Me: “Might you mean Antonyms and Synonyms?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s it!”

(I search again.)

Me: “Nothing with that exact title is coming up. Was there more to it?”

Customer: “The author’s name. It was something funny. Sounded like a dinosaur. Wait, I think I might have it here.”

(She searches through her pockets and fishes out a little folded piece of paper.)

Customer: “Here it is. Antonyms and Cinnamons by Theo Saurus!'”

Can’t See The Wood In The Trees

| Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Uncategorized

( I am ringing up a customer. I pick up a plastic bag and hold it up.)

Me: “Do you need a bag?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I’ll save a tree.”

Me: *jokingly* “Yeah, those plastic trees are really endangered.”

Customer: *looking shocked and worried* “They are?!”

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