Totally, Like, Excruciatus

| Hazel Grove, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV, School

(Two girls enter the bookstore. I recognize them as being two ditzy girls from my English class.)

Me: “Hey, [Girl 1] and [Girl 2], what’s up? I didn’t think you guys liked hanging out in bookshops?”

Girl 1: *giggles* “Duh! Did you like think that we’re geeks or something?”

Girl 2: “Like, duh, I’m just looking for this book for my sister.”

(Said sister happens to be one of my good friends.)

Me: “Oh, what book does Jen want?”

Girl 2: “It’s like, this book with some totally geeky wizards or something.”

Me: “Do you mean Harry Potter? She’s already got those books.”

Girl 2: “Like, no duh! It’s like, written by some totally old-ish chick named Jane or something. It’s like, about this chick named Emma.”

Me:Emma by Jane Austen hasn’t got any wizards.”

Girl 2: “Ain’t Emma that witch or something? That nerdy, bushy-haired one?”

Me: “That’s Hermione Granger. Her actress is Emma Watson.”

Girl 2: *huffing* “What-EVER! I’m like, so totally out of here, you geek!”

A Golden Snitch Short Of A Quidditch Match

| Bay Area, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Family & Kids, Movies & TV, Uncategorized

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “This a bookstore?”

Me: “Yes, this is a bookstore.”

Caller: “Oh. I need the 8th Harry Potter book.”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but there are only 7 Harry Potter books.”

Caller: “But I need the 8th one.”

Me: “There are only 7 books, sir.”

Caller: “Why?”

Me: “Because there are only 7 years at Hogwarts.”

Caller: “What does that mean?”

Me: “Sir, have you read the Harry Potter books?”

Caller: “No, my son reads them and he finished the 7th one and asked me to get the 8th one.”

Me: “Sir, if he read the 7th one, he would know that that was the final book in the series.”

Caller: “But he wants to read it. What can I do?”

Me: “Contact the author?”

Caller: “Do you have his number?”

Me: “Do I have J.K. Rowling’s number?”

Caller: “Yes.”

Me: “No. I… uh… don’t happen to have that on me.”

Caller: “Oh. Can you tell my son that there are only 7?”

Me: “No, I’m sure you’re quite capable of doing that all on your own.”

Caller: “He will be very upset!” *hangs up*

How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird, Part 2

| United Kingdom | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

(I find a young customer looking a little lost in the nature section.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for a book about killing birds.”

Me: “Killing birds?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need it for school.”

Me: “Do you mean To Kill a Mockingbird, by any chance?”

Customer: “Yeah that’s it! Do you have it?”

(I take him to the classics section and show him the book.)

Me: “You know, its not actually about killing birds.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It’s about social injustice in 1930’s America.”

Customer: “Oh. That doesn’t sound as much fun. Do you have any books about killing birds?”

Me: “I hope not.”

Related:
How To Kill, To Kill A Mockingbird

Caesar 2: The [Roman] Empire Strikes Back

| Connecticut, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Customer: “Do you carry books by Shakespeare here?”

Me: “Yes, we do. Which play did you need?”

Customer: “The one that sophomores read.” *gestures to the teenager next to her, presumably her daughter*

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s not just one play that sophomores read. Do you happen to know the title, or maybe what it’s about?”

Customer: *loudly* “The-One-That-Sophomore’s-Read!”

Me: “Well, let’s walk over to the section and see if we can figure it out. A lot of early high school students read A Midsummer Night’s Dream or Romeo & Juliet.”

Daughter: “I think Romeo & Juliet.”

Me: “Great!” *pulls out a copy to hand to her*

Daughter: “I don’t know though.”

Me: “Okay. Well, could it be Hamlet, maybe? Or Julius Caesar?”

Daughter:Julius Caesar? Isn’t that the sequel to Romeo & Juliet?”

No Happy Ending

| Orlando, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(A customer brings a book up to the counter, but the front cover is torn off, along with some pages.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I’m not sure why a book in this condition was on the shelf. Let me go get a new one.”

Customer: “No, it’s ok. I did it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I already read the first part. I just wanted to buy the ending.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Do I get a discount? It’s only half the book.”

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