How To Kill ‘To Kill A Mockingbird’

| Cape Cod, MA, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

(A teenage girl and her mother enter the store and walk over to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you with something?”

Teen: “Yeah, like, do you have, like, To Kill a Mockingbird?”

Me: “Yes we do. If you could follow me please.”

(I lead them to the book’s location, where we have two different copies.)

Teen: “Mom, pick the smaller one!”

Mother: “Honey, you that doesn’t make the story shorter, right?”

Teen: “Oh.”

One Brain For The IQ Of None

| London, UK | Books & Reading, Top

Customer: “This sticker says 3 for 2. What does that mean?”

Me: “It means that if you choose three books with that sticker on, the cheapest will be free. You get three books for the price of two.”

Customer: “But what if I only want two books?”

Me: “You don’t have to have to take a third book. You can just buy those two on their own. But you could get a free book to go with them; any book in the shop with that sticker on.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous, I don’t want 3 for 2. Why are you trying to make people read books they don’t want?”

Me: “I can just sell you those two on their own. You don’t have to make use of the deal.”

Customer: “But it says 3 for 2, so I’d be missing out on a book.”

Me: “Well, you can choose a third book in the deal. Thenm you’ll get one for free.”

Customer: “But I only want these two!”

Me: “Ok, shall I put those two through the till for you?”

Customer: “Are you trying to rip me off? I want my free book.”

Me: *pause* “Would it help if I took the stickers off the covers, then they would just look like normal books?”

Customer: “Right! Yes! They shouldn’t be 3 for 2 anyway! They’re really good!”

One Store To Sell Them All, And In The Darkness Bind Them

| Woodinville, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

(A customer walks up to counter and sets down a bag from a competitor’s store, pulls out competitor’s receipt, and starts unloading books with competitor’s sticker on them.)

Customer: “I’d like to return these.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t take these back here. We’re [bookstore].”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “These books are from [competitor]. I can’t do this return.”

Customer: “But don’t you have a store by the mall?”

Me: “We do have a location a few blocks away from the mall, but the store inside the mall is actually [competitor].”

Customer: “So you won’t take these back for me?”

Me: “Unfortunately, since they weren’t purchased from us. You’ll need to take them back to [competitor] and they’ll be able to help you.”

Customer: *surprised* “I thought all bookstores were the same!”

I Am 16 Going On 17

| Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Money, Uncategorized

Customer: “The price printed on the back says $16. Why are you charging me extra?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. This book costs $17. Your copy seems to contain a printing error. However, since we didn’t catch the mistake and your copy does say $16, I’d be happy to let you have the book for this price.”

(The customer pays $16 for the book and walks away. A few minutes later she comes back holding another copy.)

Customer: “I just wanted to let you know that I found another copy, and this one does say $17 on the back. How is this possible? Aren’t they all supposed to be identical?”

Me: “Warehouses sometimes hold inventory that comes from more than one print run. That’s probably what happened here. They must have had some wrongly priced copies mixed in with the rest of the stock.”

Customer: “Oh, I see. I am going to put the copy I just bought back on the shelf and take this one, okay? It’s the same book, so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.”

Me: “We have let you have the book for the price printed on the cover, so I’m not sure I understand what the problem is.”

Customer: “Oh, no, there is no problem. It’s just that I’m buying this for a friend as a gift and I want her to think I paid $17.”

Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that since this copy does not contain a pricing error, you will not be entitled to the discounted price.”

Customer: “So if I get the copy that isn’t defective, I’ll have to pay full price?”

Me: “That’s correct. Do you still want to exchange your copy for this one?”

Customer: “Forget it. She’s not that good a friend.”

Some Guys Are Made Of The Right Stuff

| Carbondale, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Top

Customer: “Excuse me, could you help me find a book on grieving? My husband just died.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. They’re right over here.”

(I lead her over to the death and grieving books.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you find today?”

Customer: “Actually yes. I’m also looking for a book on taxidermy.”

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