May The Employees Be Ever In Your Favor

| Belgium | Top

(I’m a customer sitting in a bookstore calmly reading my own book. I always go there because it’s pretty cozy and they let me because I’m a regular.)

Customer: “Hey, you have a copy of The Hunger Games! The store employee said it was sold out!”

Me: “This is my own copy, ma’am. I just come here to read.”

Customer: “You little liar! You just don’t want ME to take the last copy to the counter first!”

(Suddenly, the customer snatches my book out of my hands and runs to the counter.)

Employee: “Excuse me ma’am, but I’m going to ask you to give that book back to the young miss over there.”

Customer: “WHAT?! But I came here first!”

Employee: “I can, in fact, confirm that the book belongs to the young miss.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Sell me this book!”

Employee: “I’m afraid I can’t, ma’am.”

Customer: *slams my book on the counter* “This is the worst service I’ve EVER gotten! I’m NEVER coming back here!” *runs out*

Employee: *to me* “I’m so sorry about that. If your book was harmed in any way, please let me know and I’ll reserve a new one for you.”

Me: *laughing* “Thanks, but it’s fine. Great service though!”

A Clear And Self-Centered Danger

| Boston, MA, USA | Top

(A couple approaches the information desk while I’m manning it. They are probably in their mid-60s.)

Me:  “Can I help you find something?”

Customer:  “Yes, where are your paperbacks by Clancy?”

Me:  “They’re right over here in fiction; follow me.”

(They tag along behind me as I lead them the 10 steps over to the fiction wall.)

Me:  “He’s this whole shelf, and part of the next one.  Was there anything else you were looking for today?”

Customer:  “Other stuff like him. You know, like Woods, Connelly, and Lescroart.”

Me:  “Well, they’re all here in fiction too. It’s alphabetical by author, so you can work your way down from here.  Woods is right at the end by the window.”

Customer:  *peevish* “Why can’t you people just put all the stuff I like together?!”

(At this point his wife, who has been silent the whole time, chimes in.)

Customer’s Wife: “Because the world STILL doesn’t revolve around you, dear.” *to me* “His mother has a lot to answer for!”

One, Two, Skip A Few

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Uncategorized

Me: *answering the phone* “Thank you for calling [bookstore]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What are your hours?”

Me: “We’re open from 9 to 10 every day.”

Customer: “You’re only open for one hour?!”

Me: “Oh, no, 9 AM to 10 PM.”

Customer: “That’s only one hour!”