No Happy Ending

| Orlando, FL, USA | Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

(A customer brings a book up to the counter, but the front cover is torn off, along with some pages.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry ma’am. I’m not sure why a book in this condition was on the shelf. Let me go get a new one.”

Customer: “No, it’s ok. I did it.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I already read the first part. I just wanted to buy the ending.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “Do I get a discount? It’s only half the book.”

In Soviet Russia, Language Speaks You

| Langley, BC, Canada | Books & Reading, Language & Words, Uncategorized

(I am the customer in this story. I am looking for a certain book on WWII, but am having trouble finding the section.)

Employee: “Hey, could I help you find something?”

Me: “Ah, yes! I’m trying to find [book]. Could you help me?”

(The employee has a very wide-eyed surprised look. She slowly nods and motions for me to follow.)

Employee: *speaking loudly and slowly* “Sir, these help?”

Me: “No, I’m looking for History.”

Employee: “Umm…” *looks down the books and hands me a Russian-English dictionary.*

Me: “Ah, I wasn’t speaking English was I?” (She shakes her head and I laugh.) “Sorry about that, I was looking for [book].”

(The employee laughs and takes me to where I had wanted to go, the rest of our conversation thankfully in English.)

General Knowledge Generally Gets You In Trouble

| Seattle, WA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Customer: “Hello, do you work here?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry I don’t.”

Customer: “Then why do you have so many books in your hands?”

Me: “I am about to purchase them.”

Customer: “You read?”

Me: “Yes”

Customer: “Then you must work here.”

Me: “I’m sorry but I don’t.”

Customer: *picking up one of the books in my arms* “J.D. Salinger? Who’s that?”

Me: “An author. He wrote Catcher in the Rye.”

Customer: “See! You do work here! You know what books he wrote!”


| Lancaster, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Uncategorized

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have an ‘ology’ section?”

Me: “Are you looking for biology, psychology, sociology?”

Customer: “No, just ‘ology’.”

Me: “I’m not sure what that is. Maybe you could explain it to me?”

Customer: “You know, speeches people give at funerals.”

His Witnesses Will Need A Protection Program

| Indiana, USA | Books & Reading, Religion, Uncategorized

(For legal reasons, our store cannot offer any discounts on books by a certain publisher.)

Customer: “I’d like to use this coupon on my order, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your order is nothing but books by [publishers], and we can’t accept the coupon on them.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “See, it says right here in the fine print, ‘Not valid on any [publisher’s] products’.”

Customer: “Well I know that! But you need to give me the discount anyway!”

Me: “It’s against store policy. I can’t give you a discount on these books.”

Customer: “Look, I’m using these books to witness to people who don’t know the Lord. You should give me a discount because I’m giving them to people who need them!”

Me: “There is nothing I can do about that. I don’t set the prices or the policies.”

Customer: “If [bookstore] really does claim to be a Christian business, then they should give discounts to people who buy stuff to witness to other people! You’re making me waste the Lord’s money!”

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