Contains Crosswords, Sudoku and Tentacles

| UK | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

(A respectable looking man in his 50’s approaches.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you sell hentai puzzle magazines?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Hentai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”

Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles? (Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)

At A Loss For Words

| NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A younger teenager comes into the store with his dad.)

Customer: “My teacher says I need to get a book for school.”

Me: “What’s the title?”

Customer: “I think it was something like ‘Col-ij-it’. Yeah, that’s definitely it.”

Me: “How would you spell it?”

Customer: “C, O, L, I, J, I, T?”

(I search, and nothing comes up.)

Me: “Do you know the author?”

Customer: “I know it was a girl. Maybe like Maryanne? Something like that?”

Me: “Do you mean you need a Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but I’m not going to college or anything.”

The Grinch Who Shocked Christmas

| PA, USA | Uncategorized

(It is December and Christmas decorations have been recently put up throughout town. I recognize our town manager, in the store. She is responsible for all the towns’ decorations.)

Me: *as I am ringing up her books* “I love all the lights downtown!”

Town Manager: “Thank you!”

Me: “My favorite is the reindeer topiary garden!”

Town Manager: *scowling* “Well they do look nice, but unfortunately the children like them too.

Me: *confused* “Excuse me?”

Town Manager: “The children! They are always trying to touch the reindeer.”

Me: “I’m sure they’re very excited about Christmas, and hearing all about Rudolph.”

Town Manager: “The decorations are for looking at! Not for touching! I suggested electricity but no one liked that idea.”

Me: “You suggested what?”

Town Manager: “Just a light jolt, to discourage the children!”

(I am stunned and silent.)

Town Manager: “No, no one else liked that idea either.”

Me: “Here are your books! Happy holidays!”

Social Faux Pa Pa

| Pennsylvania, USA | Uncategorized

Child: “Daddy! Look at this!”

(The father comes over to find his child looking at an adult magazine.)

Father: *to me* “What the h*** is wrong with you? How can you let a 6-year-old boy look at this smut?!”

Me: *ringing up another customer* “Sir, I’m with another customer right now.”

Father: *waving the magazine in my face* “He is way too young for this! Why didn’t you stop him from looking at this?” *he starts screaming obscenities*

(My manager walks by as this is happening.)

Manager: “Sir, she is a cashier, not a babysitter. It is not her job to watch your child, it is yours. She was doing her job when you came up to scream at her. Now get out before I call the police.”

(The man looks embarrassed as he leads his son out. A minute later, he walks back in.)

Father: *mumbles* “I forgot my other son.”

Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

| Stoneham, MA, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for a book about a football player.”

Me: “Do you know the title or author?”

Customer: “It’s about a kid who plays football.”

Me: “Is it fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer: “Which is the real one?”

Me: “You mean which is a true story?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Nonfiction books are true stories. Is it a biography or autobiography?”

Customer: *exasperated* “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Biographies are written by someone else about a person, autobiographies are written by the person themselves.”

Customer: “I doubt he wrote it; he’s a football player. Do you know how many hits those guys take to the head?!”

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