(I work in a bookstore.)

Customer: “So, what’s the difference between a hardcover and a softcover?”

Me: “Well… one has a hard cover, the other has a soft cover. I guess the hardcover stands up to more damage, so there’s that.”

Customer: “Really? That’s the only difference? Huh.”

(The customer wandered away.)

(I am in a bookstore to buy a specific book — a rather unusual fantasy story about, among others, a bipedal dog with antlers, his talking sword, and a land shark — and can’t find it. What I do find, however, is an employee who doesn’t seem too busy at the moment.)

Me: “Hi! I’m looking for a book!”

Employee: “For real? What a surprise!”

(He smiles expectantly.)

Me: “It’s [Title].”

Employee: “Oh, [Title]! That’s one of my favourites. Haven’t sold it in quite a while… Is it for you?”

(He goes to a computer to look it up.)

Me: “Yup, and I’ve read it already. Now I moved, though, and it’s at my parent’s house. But I felt like reading it again, so…”

Employee: “Say no more, I got you. We have it in stock; let me fetch it quickly.”

(After a minute, he returns with the book.)

Employee: “There you go. I guess you could also buy drugs, but this is cheaper.”

(He winked. I stared at him and at the book, and then I started laughing so hard I got the hiccups. If you’re reading this, bookstore employee, you made my day!)

I work in the bookstore of a very small town. We get some religious and conservative folk here. I’m female, bisexual, and have a long-distance girlfriend. I’m wearing a cross she gave me for our one-month anniversary. I’m at the register when a group of three customers all in their late teens or early twenties, the same as me, comes up.

Customer #1: “Do you have any Bibles here?”

Me: “You know, I’m not sure. Let me ask [Coworker].”

I ask [Coworker] and she takes them over there. They return with a Bible and proceed to check out.

Me: “I’m glad you found everything okay.”

Customer #1: “Yes, you’re going to have to order some more Bibles now.”

I nod and start to ring her up, telling her the total and giving her change. Another customer notices my cross.

Customer #2: “Ooh, your cross is so pretty. What’s it made of? Is it amethyst?”

Me: “Thank you. It’s black diamond, actually.”

Customer #2: “That’s really pretty. Who gave it to you? What does it mean to you?”

Me: “It’s actually from my girlfriend.”

There’s a noticeable pause from everyone.

Customer #2: “Oh, it’s from… your special friend?”

I don’t want to make a scene, so I finish ringing the customer up and hold out her bagged Bible, smiling.

Me: “Here you go. Have a great day!”

The fact that someone so willingly misinterpreted the meaning of “girlfriend” really took the cake that day.

I work at an independent used bookstore on Sundays. A couple of teenage girls walk in and browse for about twenty minutes before asking me for help.

Customer #1:
“I’m looking for [Book].”

Me:
“Who’s it by?”

Customer #2:
“Umm, [Author].”

Me:
“Okay, and is it fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer #1:
“Uh, I dunno. It’s about vampires.”

When I am young and naive and don’t know about magazine subscriptions, I stop by my favorite bookstore to pick up a fantasy magazine that is issued six times a year.  

On one particular day, I stop in and search for the magazine. No dice. I check to make sure that copies haven’t moved themselves to another part of the shelving unit — which is how I found it last time, stuck in the Women’s Magazine section.

There are no copies left and I check with a salesperson to see if there are any on order or if they have sold out.

Salesperson:
“Oh, that magazine. Yeah. Everyone is always asking for it. We get a dozen copies in and only a dozen because no one ever buys it.”

Me:
“I buy it. And whenever I come in to purchase it, there’s usually only two or three copies left.”

Salesperson:
“Yeah. We only get a few copies in because no one buys it.”

Me:
“But if you buy twelve copies and they sell out, and more people come in asking for it, then someone must be buying it.”

Salesperson:
“No. No one buys it so we only get in a few copies.”  

We went around on this two or three times. She simply could not see that if the magazine was selling out and people were requesting it after it sold out, people clearly wanted to buy it.

After this, a friend told me, “Doofus, just get a subscription.”

So I did.