Life Is Stranger Than Fiction, Part 2

| Washington DC, USA | Uncategorized

Customer: “I’m looking for a book. Something about glass. Breaking glass?”

Me: “Well, do you know if it’s fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer: “Sorry. What?”

Me: “Is it real or imaginary?”

Customer: “I mean, it’s real. How do you imagine a book? Is that what audio books are?”

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Life Is Stranger Than Fiction

Queer As Folk Re-Vamped

| Melbourne, Australia | Uncategorized

Customer: “Hey. You were talking about vampire books with the last customer?”

Me: “The’yre here on the wall next to the counter.”

Customer: “Do you have any gay ones?”

Me: “Do you mean as in homoerotic literature?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Oh, no. Have you tried [romance bookshop] across the road?”

Customer: “Why would I go there? I just want gay vampires.”

Me: “Well that’s generally a subsection of romance, not Sci-Fi.”

Customer: “I don’t want romance! I just want gay vampires!”

Don’t Kid Around About Sex And Violence

| Huntsville, AL, USA | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

Me: “Can I help you find something?”

Customer: “I was in the airport and saw this book it was blue and said something about a ranger. It looked really good, so I was trying to find it here.”

Me: “Sounds like The Rangers Apprentice series. It’s a kids’ book.”

Customer: “No, it couldn’t be a kids’ book. It looked really interesting.”

(Several minutes ensue of trying to find anything else that it could be. I ask him to wait a moment while I check the kids’ section and get the newest Rangers apprentice book and return.)

Me: “Is this it?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “That’s the book I was telling you about. It’s technically a kids’ series, but it’s still a good book–just without the sex and violence.”

Customer: “None at all? But that’s why I read them!”

Contains Crosswords, Sudoku and Tentacles

| UK | Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

(A respectable looking man in his 50’s approaches.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you sell hentai puzzle magazines?”

Me: “Uh…”

Customer: “Hentai puzzles. My daughter likes them.”

Me: “Could you mean Hanjei puzzles? (Note: Hanjei is a popular puzzle magazine.)

At A Loss For Words

| NJ, USA | Uncategorized

(A younger teenager comes into the store with his dad.)

Customer: “My teacher says I need to get a book for school.”

Me: “What’s the title?”

Customer: “I think it was something like ‘Col-ij-it’. Yeah, that’s definitely it.”

Me: “How would you spell it?”

Customer: “C, O, L, I, J, I, T?”

(I search, and nothing comes up.)

Me: “Do you know the author?”

Customer: “I know it was a girl. Maybe like Maryanne? Something like that?”

Me: “Do you mean you need a Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but I’m not going to college or anything.”

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