An Authorized Idiot

| Benicia, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

(A customer calls the store and asks me to look up a book for her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can not find a book with that title. Do you know who the author is? I might be able to find it that way.”

Customer: “I don’t know who the author is, but I know who wrote it!”

This Deal Is A Steal

| Iceland | Criminal & Illegal, Tourists/Travel, Uncategorized

(I’m assisting a tourist that is looking for a t-shirt to take home with pictures of Iceland on them.)

Me: “Well, we don’t sell those t-shirts but there are quite a few of them down town and I know of one that has a 3 for 2 special offer on t-shirts.”

Customer: “Could you also explain to me what a 3 for 2 offer is?”

Me: “Sure, it means that you get 3 t-shirts for the price of 2.”

Customer: “I don’t understand, so we steal the 3rd one? Isn’t shoplifting illegal here like in the states?”

Me: “Yes, shoplifting is illegal here, but you wouldn’t be stealing the 3rd shirt. It just means that you choose 3 t-shirts and pay for 2 and then get the 3rd as a free gift sort of.”

Customer: “I don’t get it.”

Me: “You choose 3 t-shirts, and as the sales person scans them in to the register you get a 100% discount on the 3rd t-shirt. Therefore, you’ll get it for free with the other 2.”

Customer: “I’ll go down there, but if they arrest me for shoplifting, I’m telling the police that you told me to!”

Judging By Their Cover

| Augusta, GA, USA | Books & Reading, Hall of Fame, Spouses & Partners, Uncategorized

(I’m stocking the front-of-store. A couple asks me for help.)

Wife: “Hi, we’re looking for a gift for a really weird friend of ours. He’s really hard to shop for.”

Me: “Sure, what sort of thing are you looking for?”

Husband: “No, he’s really weird. He actually likes to read books.”

Wife: “Hush, honey. He works in a bookstore. He’s probably weird too.”

Totally, Like, Aguamenti

| Lawrenceville, NJ, USA | Books & Reading, Hall of Fame, Uncategorized

Customer: “I’d like to get a new copy of this book.”

(The customer puts a very wet Harry Potter book on the desk.)

Customer: “It got wrecked and I really want to finish it.”

Me: “No problem. How did you ruin it?”

Customer: “It was very good…”


Me: “…and?”

Customer: *slightly sheepish* “I was reading it in the shower.”

Totally, Like, Excruciatus

Did They Even Finish Elementary, My Dear Watson?

| NJ, USA | Books & Reading, Uncategorized

Caller: “Hi I’m looking for the hounds…er hound of baskerville?”

Me: “Oh, of course. You mean the Sherlock Holmes novel?”

Caller: “Oh, my! I didn’t know Sherlock Holmes actually wrote that one!”

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