For The First Time In Forever, There Is A Good Frozen Joke

| NH, USA | Musical Mayhem, Popular

(It is the end of a Sunday shift at the bookstore, and a younger couple come up with their daughter. I tend to look very serious and deadpan, especially as I dress very formally for being just out of my teens, with a tie and waistcoat being very common. The customer places a book of ‘Frozen’ piano music that had been heavily discounted on the counter.)

Customer: “[Daughter] is going to love this. She’s needed more music.”

Customer’s Husband: “Yeah, but not looking forward to hearing Let it Go over and over.”

Customer: “I wonder why it’s so cheap, though.”

Me: *as I hand them the receipt* “Bribes from noise-canceling headphone companies.”

(They both looked surprised for a second, then started laughing as they walked out, telling me to have a good day.)

Playing The Race Book

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Popular

Customer: “I’m looking for a book. I can’t remember the title or author, but it’s by an Asian woman.”

Me: “Do you have any more information? Unfortunately our books aren’t organized by the author’s race.”

Trying To Get You Fired

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Popular

(Our store is in one of the bigger malls in the city, and we don’t open until 10 am. At 8:25, as I’m getting the store ready to open and working on our “before-open” tasks, the fire alarm goes off. It is NOT a drill, and everyone is being asked urgently to leave. As I’m locking the doors so that I can evacuate, a lady approaches me.)

Lady: “Hey! Can you let me in quick? I just need one thing.”

Me: “…Seriously? You do hear the fire alarm going off, right?”

Lady: “Yes, but I drove all the way here, and I really do just need this one thing.”

Me: “Listen, that fire alarm is not a drill. And I am not walking back into a store full of tinder so you can buy your one thing.”

Lady: “Well, I never! I should be allowed to get this one thing.”

Me: *turn to leave* “No.”

Lady: *as I’m leaving, starts to scream profanities at me*

(Best part? She had to be forcibly removed from the mall by authorities, and I got to watch her in the parking lot screaming at the firemen and police who removed her from the burning building.)

Good Parenting Is Trans-parent

| MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Bigotry, Family & Kids, Popular

(I am a female-to-male trans man. I haven’t been on my hormone meds for very long, but most people can’t tell that I was ever female-bodied. I am currently working the register with my unisex name tag on.)

Customer: *glances at my name tag* “That’s not usually a girl’s name.”

Me: “Well, I’m not a girl. That’s [total due], please.”

Customer: *pauses and then begins talking to me very condescendingly* “Listen, sweetheart. I know your type. You act like a tomboy all your life and you think you should play pretend and try to become a boy! Well, you’ll always be a woman, even if you’re a man-ish looking b****. Grow up.”

(I am in tears at this point and silently carry on with the transaction. A little boy who was in line next to her steps away from his mom.)

Boy: “Hey! That’s not very nice. He’s obviously a boy and you should respect that! You can’t be mean to someone just because they’re not like you. You should say you’re sorry.”

(The customer turns red, and the boy’s mom speaks up as well.)

Boy’s Mom: “Hmm, isn’t it sad when a six-year-old is better behaved than a forty-year-old?”

(The customer mumbled an apology and rushed out of the store, leaving her purchases on the counter. I offered the kind little boy and mother a discount on their books, but they declined and offered to buy me a scone from the coffee shop in our store, which I also declined. They stop in frequently now and always say hi!)

A Well-Red Book

| San Francisco, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Popular, Tourists/Travel

Caller: “Hello, yes, I had a book on hold there. I came to pick it up this morning and it was taking too long for the guy to help other people so I left!”

Me: “I’m very sorry about the wait; we only have one person in the store this week due to our owners getting married last weekend.”

Caller: “I’m not done! So I came back and parked in the red zone at the corner, picked up my book and when I got back, I had a $115 ticket!”

Me: “Well, I’m very sorry to hear that, but I don’t know what I can do for you about that.”

Caller: “My point is that it took longer to get service in your store than for her to give me a ticket!”

Me: “You parked in a red zone. It doesn’t matter how long you were there for; it’s still illegal.”

Caller: “You should put a sign in front of your store saying that if you park in the red zone while shopping there you’ll get a ticket!”

Me: “Isn’t that what the red paint is for?”

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