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A Killer Pickup Line

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(I am a 24-year-old female. I am cleaning some shelves when a customer comes up. It is important that the customer is female.)

Customer: “You’re pretty. You look like someone in my book.”

(I was about to thank her when I saw it was a book on serial killers. She walked out without a word.)

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Returning And Restoring

| NY, USA | Awesome Customers, Hall of Fame, Popular

Me: “Hi, can I do a return here?”

Cashier: *slightly worried expression* “Of course, ma’am.”

Me: “I’d like to return this book, please. I got it as a gift for a friend, but it turns out he’s already got one. I’m afraid I didn’t think to get a gift receipt, but I have the regular receipt.”

Cashier: *more cheerful* “That’s fine! Let’s see… oh.” *her face falls again* “I see here it was on sale when you bought it, so you won’t be getting the full sticker price back. And…” *she winces* “…you used your membership discount. So you’ll only be getting $17.85 back instead of the $52.95 printed on the price tag, is that okay?”

Me: “Yeah, that sounds about right. I think that’s what I paid in the first place, so that makes sense.”

Cashier: *blinking in surprise* “Okay, great. So let me just scan this in for you…”

(Her machine beeps at her and she flinches again.)

Cashier: “Oh. Uh, you paid cash, but I’m very sorry, ma’am, I can’t do a cash refund. It would have to be store credit. Is that okay?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s fine. I think I even have an old [Bookstore] gift card in here you could put it on, to save some plastic…”

(I rummage through my wallet. When I hand her the card I notice her staring at me, wide-eyed and incredulous.)

Me: “Sorry, is that not something you can do?”

Cashier: “I… no, I can do that. Thanks. It’s just… I’ve been here three hours and done six returns today. You’re the first person who hasn’t yelled at me for anything.”

Me: “Yikes! Really?”

Cashier: “Store credit makes people angry, I guess.”

Me: “People are ridiculous.”

Cashier: “You’re telling me. Anyway, here’s your card back. Your new gift card balance is $24.17. Thank you very, very much for shopping with [Bookstore] today, and for restoring my faith in humanity!”

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Et Tu Mother?

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Books & Reading

(While working at a bookstore, a customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Do you have an English translation of the novel Julius Caesar? My daughter needs it for her class.”

(I perform a search in our system.)

Me: “Hmm, I’m not finding it. The problem is I’m getting about a million versions of Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar.”

Customer: “That’s the one. She said it was by William Shakespeare. I need an English translation.”

Me: “Well, Shakespeare wrote in English, so every version we have is in English. We do have some adapted with modernized dialogue. Could that be what she meant?”

Customer: “I don’t know. She just said she needed an English translation of the novel Julius Caesar by William Shakespeare.”

Me: “Well… it’s a play, not a novel…”

Customer: “I- I have to call my daughter.”

(She calls her daughter. It turns out she needed a very specific edition for her class.)