This happens on Black Friday weekend when we are expected to be slammed with customers. However, this weekend ends up being one of the best weather-wise weekends we’ve seen since August; therefore, everyone who should be shopping is out enjoying the weather. Well, everyone except the thirty employees who were scheduled and our general manager who has decided to make a “surprise” visit.

Our general manager usually will walk around and then leave after about 45 minutes or so. This time, he stays. And stays. 

We only have the employees in the store, and we have absolutely no customers, but we have to “look busy” because our general keeps wandering around. Because he is there, we aren’t able to send anyone home, even though had it been a normal day we would have sent about ten of us home. 

He finally leaves after being there for nine hours, and as soon as he leaves the parking lot, our managers tell those of us who are close to getting off to leave.

On the plus side, we all did get paid to gossip all day long, but it made for a very long day. The negative was that our general manager’s constructive criticism was that we should all be cleaning when we have downtime.

Corporate definitely has no clue how we are run.

This story is part of our Black Friday 2023 roundup!

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(I am working restocking shelves and helping customers find books when I see a teenage boy with a number of huge boxy bulges under his tucked-in shirt, exactly the same size as the cases we use for DVD box sets.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you?”

(We are forbidden to suggest or accuse a customer of stealing.)

Customer: “Uh… Hi. No, I was just about to leave.”

(He begins to walk slowly toward the side door, which opens inward. I begin walking after him at a quick pace; he sees me and increases his speed until he is running and I am trotting behind him. As he approaches the door, he doesn’t put out his hands and tries to use his shoulder to open the door at a run. He smashes headfirst into the door and starts bleeding pretty badly out of his nose. Our Loss Protection Manager grabs him and he begins to shriek. His parents hear this and come racing across the store and confront the LP Manager.)

Parent #1: “How dare you beat our son?!”

Parent #2: “I am a lawyer and am going to sue!”

(Then, [Parent #1] begins hitting the LP Manager and tries to wrestle away their son from him. The security guard for our plaza sees this from outside and, over the course of a minute or two, cuffs and subdues the teenager and his parents. It was extremely enjoyable to watch two of the three leave in a police car.)

(While browsing at a bookstore, I am vaguely aware of a man at the other end of the aisle of shelves. A bookstore employee passes the aisle and pauses on my end.)

Employee: “You need to put those books back on the shelf right now.”

(I stare at her, but as she sounds deadly serious, I begin to put the book I am looking at back on the shelf. Then, I notice she is looking past me at the other customer.)

Employee: “Sir, you need to put those books back. This minute.”

(Her voice is IRON. The man pauses and then pulls a paperback out of his shirt and sheepishly sets it back on the shelf.)

Employee: “All of them.”

(Two more paperbacks are pulled out of the man’s shirt and reshelved. The man goes past sheepish into anxious, as the employee is glaring murderously at him.)

Man: “I’m really sorry.”

Employee: “Not as sorry as I’m going to be marking those books as damaged returns. Leave the store.”

Man: “But I was going to—”

Employee: “Leave now, and I will not tell my manager that I watched you jam three books under your shirt.”

(The man almost runs toward the exit. The employee watches until he is gone, sighs, and refocuses on me.)

Employee: “Can I help you find anything?”

Me: “Your iron will?”

Employee: “I was a librarian for five years. He’s lucky I didn’t peer over my glasses at him; he would have melted.”

(This story takes place in 2008, right in the middle of the recession. I am luckier than most and am working retail to help put myself through grad school, rather than a lot of the under-employment situations going on at the time.)

Customer: *notices my class ring as I’m bagging her purchase* “Did you go to Notre Dame?”

Me: *proudly* “Yes, I graduated last year!”

Customer: *with a snobby smirk* “And you ended up working here?!”

Me: *hands her her bag* “I’m just working my way through grad school, ma’am. Not that I owe you an explanation. You’re really going to judge a recent grad for taking a retail job in the middle of a recession?”

(I got a talking-to for sassing a customer, but she deserved it!)

(A customer approaches me holding a copy of a popular author’s latest book.)

Customer: “So, [Author] is a pen name, right? Where can I find books under her real name?”

Me: “No, ma’am, that is [Author]’s true name, although she does write under several pen names. Those would be [list of several alternate names].”

Customer: “No, no, no! Not those, her real name! It’s right here in the back of the book, real small. See?” 

(She turns the book around so I can see the inside of the back cover, pointing at the photo of the author.) 

Me: “I assure you, I’ve met [Author]. She’s a lovely person and her name really is [Author].”

(That’s when I realize the customer is pointing at the tiny printing under the photo.) 

Me: “Ma’am, that’s the name of the photographer who took the picture.”

Customer: *stomping away angrily* “No, you’re just being stupid! I’m going to the library! They’ll know that’s her real name and get me her other books!”

(My sympathies to the librarian.)