It’s early morning, and I’m restocking magazines. I work in a super blue state and a super blue county. A kindly-looking older woman sidles up to me in magazines, smiling.

Customer: “I like coming this early. No [n-word]s!”

It takes me a moment to process what I just heard.

Me: “Well, ma’am, I will have to start coming into work later if this is when the miserable bigoted racist c***s come in.”

Customer: *Gasps.* “That is an obscenely offensive word to use!”

Me: “Are you being serious?!”

It was telling that she was offended by being called the c-word and not a bigot/racist…

I was at the Info desk during the rollout of the proprietary e-reader and was wearing a “eReader Certified” badge.

An old lady came up to ask a question, saw the badge, stopped mid-sentence, and said:

Customer: “Oh. How nice. You can read.”

She turned and left the store. My manager and I were cracking up.

Customer: “I want to return this book.”

I see an issue with this book immediately and already know how this is going to go. Still, I feel the need to play along.

Me: “Can I see the receipt?”

Customer: “Lost it.”

Me: “Then I can’t do the return.”

Customer: “Yeah, you can. Get a manager to override it.”

Me: “I’m a manager, and there’s nothing to override. This book is a Book Club Edition.”

Customer: *Blank stare.*

Me: “This is a book that you, or someone you know, bought at a book club. They’re shaped differently to designate them as book club books.”

Customer: “No, it’s not! It’s just a limited edition!”

Me: “It has a ‘Book Of The Month’ logo on the spine.”

Customer: “I still got it here! Gimme my refund!”

Me: “You can’t get these at bookstores. That’s kinda the point.”

Customer: “You can’t prove I didn’t get it here!”

Me: “Ma’am, please leave.”

Customer: “Not until I get my refund!”

Me: “Not happening.”

She screams and tosses the book at me before storming out. I pick up the book, look at the title, and smirk. It’s called ‘Count My Lies.’

I am also the author of this story. I was working at the same bookstore over the holidays while I hunted for a better job, this time on the main book floor, not stuck in the cafe, and my buddy worked there as the lead cashier. It was busy, naturally, but so far, nothing I couldn’t handle.

I had just stepped out from behind the cash wrap, on my way to the back to take my break, when I was intercepted by a customer.

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “Where do you keep your books?”

I blink. At first, I can’t believe this is happening. My brain refuses to believe the question it just received. My mouth hangs open, and I almost totally blue screen. Then it gets worse.

Customer: “I’m a teacher.”

Error 404.

Luckily, my buddy sees this and manages to step in, ushering me off to take my fifteen-minute break.

Later on, he tells me she was looking for math books, but that doesn’t really make it very much better, does it?

At the bookstore where I work, we offer store credit to customers who bring in used books to donate. They get 25% of the cover price if the book is in good condition and is relatively new (published within the last fifteen years). It’s popular with our regular customers and gives us an ample supply of used books to resell.

One day, a young woman brought in three plastic bins. There were probably a hundred books in them.

Me: “It’s going to take me quite a while to look at them.”

Woman: “I’m fine with that.”

As I started pulling the books out of the first bin, looking at the date of publication, the condition, etc., she and I chatted. And then, she dropped a bomb.

Woman: “After I’m done here, I’m going to take them home and put them on Facebook.”

I stepped back and put the book in my hands on the counter.

Me: “What? You want me to do all this work, and you’re not going to leave them with us?”

Woman: “No, I just want to know what they were worth.”

I told her I would not be doing any more work for her. She yelled at me, screamed, called me an a-hole, but loaded the bins on her baby’s stroller and left.

Later, in a local Facebook group where people complain about customer service (and a lot of other things), she posted a photo of me, said I was the worst person she had ever dealt with, and said that no one should ever shop at the store ever again.

Luckily, some of the people in that Facebook group are customers, some of them know me personally, and they defended me. The owner learned of this, looked at the exchange in the security video, and told me I did the right thing.