A-Maze-ing Lack Of Sense

| San Rafael, CA, USA | Books & Reading

(As part of my job as bookseller, I occasionally grab misplaced books out of a “To Be Shelved” box and re-shelve them. One night, a coworker and I start going through the box.)

Me: *picks up a book* “Ah, The Maze Runner.”

Coworker: “Yep. Guy brought it back because he didn’t know it was a young adult novel.”

Me: “Huh…”

Coworker: “And he got it from the young adult section.”

(At this, I stammer and even accidentally drop the book, which my coworker finds appropriate and hilarious.)

Me: “So let me get this straight. A guy walks into the kids’ section that’s clearly marked.”

Coworker: “Yep.”

Me: “Then walks over to the teenage book section, also clearly marked.”

Coworker: “Yep.”

Me: “Picks up this book from the teenage section, and doesn’t realize it’s for teenagers.”

Coworker: “That’s the gist of it.”

Me: “Right… One second.”

(I pick up the book and smack it directly against the center of my forehead out of exasperation.)

Me: “Okay, I’m good.”


Might Spot A Few Graphic Differences

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Musical Mayhem

(While working at customer service at a bookstore a customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Do you have Candide by Voltaire?”

Me: “Yes, we do.” *I show her where it is*

Customer: “It’s in a weird place. Why isn’t it with the graphic novels?”

Me: “Because it’s not a graphic novel.”

Customer: “But he only writes graphic novels!”

Me: “I think you’re thinking of Voltaire the musician. This is by Voltaire the philosopher.”

Customer: “Oh. You’re sure they’re not the same person?”

Me: “Completely. Graphic novels didn’t really exist when Voltaire was alive.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I might buy it anyway, in case it is the same person.”

(No matter what I said, I could not assure her that she was thinking of a different Voltaire.)


Being Very Frank About It

| Kansas City, MO, USA | Books & Reading, History

Customer: “Do you have the Diary of Anne Frank?”

Me: “Of course. It’s in the Military History section in Holocaust studies. I can take you there.”

Customer: “Why is it in the Military history section? That is a disgrace. It should be in Memoirs section!”

Me: “Well, yes, it could go there, but we try to be as specific as possible with memoirs and diaries to help customers find what they are looking for. We also have presidential memoirs in American history, and celebrities memoirs in performing arts.”

Customer: “That is ridiculous! How rude!”

(The customer stormed out. I found out later that this customer later returned to the store and moved all of our copies of the Diary of Anne Frank to the Memoirs section. Apparently she felt very strongly!)


Edith You Are, Or You Aren’t

| PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Trigger Story

(I work in a second-hand bookstore where we purchase items from customers. I’m currently working at the buy counter where I have two separate customers, both females. An older lady brought her items in a bag (“Edith”) while the second middle-aged lady (“Anne”) brought hers in a box. They shop the store while I look through their items and I page them over the PA system once their offer is ready.)

Me: “Edith, your offer is ready at the buy counter. Edith.”

Customer: *approaches* “Hello.”

Me: *recognizes her as one of the two ladies, but I am terrible at remembering faces* “Hi! Miss Edith?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “All right, your offer is [amount] today.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Okay, so I’ll just have you sign this piece of paper once it prints, Miss Edith—”

Customer: “Can I have my box back?”

Me: *a little alarmed, as I’m currently working on the box* “Oh, wait, so these books are yours?” *points to the books from the box*

Customer: Yes.

Me: “Ah, sorry, Miss Edith! It seems that I had mixed you two up! Give me a moment to look you up in the system so I can re-enter your correct offer.” *does so* “Good thing you’re the only ‘Edith,’ otherwise this would be a long search!” *quickly finishes the buy* “Okay, your correct offer is [different amount].”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *hands her the slip of paper to sign* “Okay, please sign here—”

Customer: *looks at slip* “This isn’t my name.”

Me: “…Oh. Well, I had paged for ‘Edith’ before and asked you if you were ‘Edith.'”

Customer: “It sounded like ‘Ann.'”

Me: *thinking* “IN WHAT UNIVERSE?!”


Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!


The Hunger Blames

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Religion

(I am working at the register in a bookstore when I see an older woman come in. She walks over to my coworker, who is shelving some copies of The Hunger Games when the lady asks him to help her reach a book.)

Customer: “Could you please help me reach a copy of the bible?”

Coworker: “Of course. If you’d give me a minute I’ll be right there.”

Customer: “Hold on. Do you have any other associates who could help me?”

Coworker: “Only [My Name] and I’m afraid she can’t currently help you as she is working at the register. I will be with you shortly.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t want you touching my book! It’s for my grandson. But I don’t want it to be purchased from the same store that sells books like this! The Hunger Games is a very violent book and it should not be sold here. I want someone else to help me.”

Coworker: “Can I please point out that [My Name] works here, too? And I am sorry that you disapprove of this book, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion.”

Customer: “You are the one who is touching those books! I don’t want your blasphemous hands to touch it.”

Coworker: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but if you don’t calm down I’m going to ask you to leave.”

Customer: “You know what? FINE! All I WANTED WAS A D*** BIBLE! But I guess I’m not getting one. I won’t be returning to your horrible bookstore. I’m going to speak to your supervisor. He’ll be appalled that you sell these books.”

(She slams a row of books to the floor then storms out.)

Coworker: “My ‘blasphemous hands’?”

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