Read Or Die

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Books & Reading, Canada, Extra Stupid

(I’m at the cash register; a lady walks up and plunks six different paperbacks on the counter.)

Customer: “Which one is the best? I only want to buy one today.”

Me: “Well, that depends on your tastes. Is there a particular genre that you’re interested in?”

Customer: “No, I mean which one did you like the best?”

Me: “Well, I haven’t read these particular books, but I can tell you which one is most popular right now…”

Customer: “Of course you’ve read them all. You work here, right? You have to know what you’re selling!”

Me: “Ma’am, we sell thousands of different books; there’s just no way I can read them all.”

Customer: “You’re not doing your job! You have to know! Now tell me which book was the best!”

Me: *points randomly* “…that one.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

Making A Loud A-pee-l, Part 2

| MN, USA | Bizarre, Health & Body

(As the bookstore I work for is closing down, we have started closing down the bathrooms. At this point, they’ve shut down one stall leaving only one left in the ladies room. I go in and there’s a rather long line for the single stall.)

Customer #1: *comes running in* “Oh… oh no, is there only one stall?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, but the line is moving pretty quick, though.”

Customer #1: “Oh no! This won’t do.” *rushes out*

(A few seconds later, Customer #1 comes back with two large paper coffee cups. She goes over to a corner, sets the cups on the floor, and drops her pants.)

Customer #1: “Okay, everyone! I really have to go! I have a bladder infection so if I don’t go right now, it won’t end well for me. Nobody look!”

(As she goes to drop her drawers, another woman comes out of the stall. I happen to be the next in line.)

Me: “Please! Go ahead of me! Apparently, you need the bathroom more than I do!”

Customer #1: “Are you sure? You probably have to go back to work. I’m okay with this.”

Me: “Nope! Just go!”

Customer #1: “Gee, thanks!” *shuffles into the stall with her pants around her ankles*

Related:
Making A Loud A-pee-l

It’s Not Getting Any Bella

| Calgary, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests

Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

(I wait for a moment waiting for her to continue, before realizing she isn’t going to.)

Me: “What book are you looking for?”

Customer: “Well I don’t know the title or the author’s name.”

Me: “Is there anything at all you know about the book?”

Customer: “I know it has a blue cover.”

Me: “We have several hundred volumes with blue covers. Is there anything else you can tell me to help narrow it down?”

Customer: “Well, I think it was about a teenage girl.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that really doesn’t narrow it down much.”

Customer: “Oh my God! You are completely unhelpful! You should know what I’m talking about!”

Me: “I could point you in the direction of our teen section so you could have a look and see if you recognize anything.”

Customer: “That would take far too long! I just wanted one book, and you’ve completely wasted my time.” *storms out*