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Want To Make Your Kids Hate Reading?

, , , , | Related | March 12, 2021

My dad can be super strict for the stupidest reasons. One of the big things that he hates is us “buying rubbish,” particularly when it comes to reading. Everything always has to be “useful” or you have to “learn something from it.” He never gets just reading for pleasure or liking good stories.

One day, I am going into a bookstore to spend some birthday money I got from one of my relatives. There’s an autobiography by a famous footballer I admire that’s been released. I wanted this for my birthday, but suspiciously, I got something else that I definitely didn’t ask for! I have a feeling my dad was the one who vetoed it!

I take the book off the shelf and start to walk toward the checkout. Immediately, my dad stands in front of me. 

Dad: “What are you buying?”

Me: “I’m getting that book by [Famous Footballer].”

Dad snatches it from me and gives me a funny look.

Dad: “Oh, you don’t want that!” 

Me: “Yes, I do. He’s my favourite player!”

Dad: “Come on. He’ll be yesterday’s fish and chips soon. You want something much better than this rubbish!”

Me: “No, I don’t, actually. I’ll just go buy it.”

Dad puts the book back on the shelf and grabs my arm.

Dad: “No, you are not wasting your money on that. Let’s get something else for you!”

Me: “Dad, I want that book.”

He drags me over to the literature sections and thrusts a book into my hand.

Dad: “Buy this one.”

He’s given me “Of Mice And Men.” I immediately frown at him.

Me: “Why?”

Dad gives me an “Are you stupid?” look.

Dad: “You’re reading this at school, aren’t you? Buy this and read it!”

Me: “I already have a copy! I don’t need this one.”

Dad: “There’s no harm going over your text again.”

Me: “Dad, no!”

Dad slams the book back on the shelves and drags me over to the history section. 

Dad: “Now this is what you want: a cartoon history of Britain!”

Me: “I don’t care about this stuff. Let me buy the book I want!”

Dad: “Fine. How about a book on the ancient Egyptians?”

Me: “NO!”

Dad: “Okay, how about this one?!”

He thrusts a book about Greek legends into my hands.

Dad: “You need to buy something useful, not that crap! Either you buy something decent or not at all!”

Me: “What’s the problem with me reading what I want? I don’t want any of these books.”

Dad: “THEN YOU GET NOTHING! WE’RE LEAVING!”

He starts dragging me out of the store. A few patrons are giving him concerned looks.

Me: “Dad, I want to get my book!”

Dad: “NO! SHUT UP! WE’RE LEAVING!”

My mum and sister enter the store and see him angrily dragging me away. Mum stops him in his tracks! 

Mum: “What on earth is going on? Why are you yelling at him?”

Dad: “He wanted to buy that!

He points to the footballer’s book as if it’s diseased.

Mum: “So what? Let him buy it; it’s his money to spend!”

Dad: “No! I refuse to let him buy rubbish!”

Sister: “Dad, for goodness’ sake, stop being so mean! You know how much he wanted that book! Just let him buy it.”

Dad: “NO! Let’s leave.”

Mum: “Just because your parents were cruel and controlling over what you bought, it doesn’t mean you have to be! He will buy that book and you can wait outside!”

Dad: “Stop causing a scene!”

Sister: “She’s not the one throwing a temper tantrum in a bookstore, Dad! [My Name] is being better behaved than you right now!”

My dad gives her an angry look and tries to say something

Mum: “[Dad], wait outside and calm down, now!”

My dad stomped out of the store and, finally, I was able to get my book. On the way back to the car, my dad started grumbling about how my generation was “becoming stupid, reading that junk!” Thankfully, my mum snapped at him to be quiet and reprimanded him for his poor attitude. He sulked all the way home.

This still ranks as one of the best autobiographies I ever read and was well worth the money. Years later, I got the author to sign it. After that, my dad stopped making comments on the books that we bought. I found out that his parents apparently refused to let him read for fun and this had a very negative effect on him. He now reads all kinds of books.

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 100

, , , , , | Right | March 9, 2021

A student comes up with his books to purchase for the first day of classes. I’ve had a million of these transactions today. But when I process his order, his credit card is declined.

Me: “I’m sorry, your card is declined. Let’s run it again to be sure.”

I do so and it is declined again.

Me: “I’m sorry, it’s still being declined.”

Student: “Run it again.”

Me: “I’ve run it twice.”

Student: “Run it again.”

I run the card again, and what do you know? It’s still declined.

Me: “It’s still coming up declined. Do you have another card?”

Student: “It’s not my card. It has to be your computer. Run it again.”

Me: “I can’t keep running the card; it’s been declined three times.”

Student: “It has to be your system.”

Me: “I’ve been running cards all day; it is not our system.”

Student: “Then you need to call someone.”

Me: “There is no one I can call. It’s not our system. There is something going on with your card. A hold, perhaps. You need to call the company.”

Student: “So, you call the company.”

Me: “It’s not my card. I can’t call the company; that’s your responsibility.”

Student: “I just used the card last night!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you. It is not working now.”

Student: “Run it again!”

At this point, a large line of pretty annoyed students is piling up. I decide to try to run the card as a manual, to see if by some miracle that will work. It does not, not that I am surprised.

Me: “Your card is still being declined. There is nothing more I can do. You need to contact the company to find out what is going on with your card.”

I hand him back his card and start gathering his books so I can put them back.

Student: “What are you doing?!”

Me: “I’m going to put your books aside so they can be returned to the shelf.”

Student: “You mean I can’t take them?”

Me: “No. You didn’t pay for them.”

Student: “But I tried! I should be able to take them.”

Me: “I cannot let you walk out of this store with these books if they are not paid for. I would be fired.”

Student: “But I tried!”

He finally gave up and I got to deal with the long line that had filled in while dealing with him. He finally came back several hours later. Turned out the company had put a hold on his card because he had purchased something out of state. Guess it wasn’t our system after all.

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 99
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 98
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 97
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 96
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 95

His Expertise Is A Work Of Fiction

, , , | Right | March 3, 2021

I work at a large chain bookstore.

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m looking for the book Island.”

Me:Island by…?”

I’m silently thinking he’s a dumba** because there’re a million books with the word “island” in their titles.

Customer: “Aldous Huxley, obviously.”

He rolls his eyes. I just nod and smile and look for said book in our system.

Me: “Okay, we might have one copy. Give me one moment to look for it.”

I walk off to find it and the customer proceeds to follow me.

Customer: “Yeah, he’s an awesome sci-fi writer. One of the best. If you can just show me where that section is, I know I can find it faster than you.”

Me: “Oh, REALLY?

I fake looking impressed. The customer looks smug

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay.”

I walk over to general fiction and find the book and hand it to him.

Me: “Here you go.”

The customer looks shocked.

Customer: “Oh, it’s in fiction.”

Me: “Yeah.”

Customer: *Looking hurt* “It should be in sci-fi.”

Me: “Yeah, I mean what does [Bookstore Chain] know about books, anyway?”

Baja Backroom Blah Blah

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2021

While I usually just handle the inventory, I occasionally deal with customers in the morning and answer the phone when we’re short-staffed.

Me: “[Bookstore], how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hey. I’m looking for a travel guide to Baja, but the latest edition doesn’t come out until February. Do you guys get things in before the official release date?”

I am thinking she’s probably asking if it’s a hard restriction, which it is, or whether she can reserve a copy.

Me: “Yep, we’re just not allowed to sell them before the release date.”

Caller: “What about a backroom deal?”

Me: “Ma’am, are you asking me to illegally sell you a book?”

Caller: *Very cheerfully* “Yes!”

I ended up having to explain to her that we could get in VERY serious legal trouble with the publishers if we sold a book before its release date. She was very polite but seemed shocked that there would actually be serious consequences for breaking the rules.

Some People Are A Real Mystery

, , , , | Right | February 23, 2021

I am browsing the mystery section of a used bookstore and I pick up a book by an author I really like. The lady browsing beside me takes notice of the book I’ve picked up: a cozy mystery about a member of a knitting club being accused of murder. I should point out that I am twenty-two years old. I am also barely five feet tall and have what I call “baby cheeks,” making me appear younger.

The lady speaks to me as though speaking to a small child.

Lady: “Oh, sweetie, you don’t want that book. That book’s for big girls.”

I look around for a little girl, see no one else in that section, and realize that she is talking to me.

Me: “Uh, excuse me?”

Lady: “That book you’re holding. I know it has cute little kitties on the cover, but it’s a grown-up book. I’ve read it, and it’s full of mean people and scary things.”

I am completely dumbfounded. I have often been mistaken for a teenager, but a little kid? That’s a new one. It really doesn’t help that I am wearing a low-cut top and have rather large breasts. I don’t know how she could have missed that.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m twenty-two. Besides, I’ve read the other books in the series, and—”

Lady: “Do you want me to take you to the children’s section? You’ll find lots of great books there!”

The worst part is that I can tell that this lady is sincere; she seems to genuinely believe that I am a small child. I’m so confused that I don’t even react when she takes the book out of my hands, puts it back on the shelf, and takes a few steps away, trying to get me to follow her. I finally snap out of it, still wondering if I’ve somehow entered the Twilight Zone, and grab the book again.

The lady smiles like I’m an adorable toddler.

Lady: “Ah, sweetie—”

I had meant to look around some more, but at this point, I just want to get my book and get out. I fast-walk to the checkout, the lady following me the whole way, chastising me even as I pay! I don’t know what my face looks like, but it must be enough for the cashier to have some idea of what is going on. I should also mention that the cashier is a pretty big guy.

Cashier: *Leaning in and whispering* “Want me to block the door?”

Me: *Relieved* “Thank you.”

I slipped a few dollars in the tip jar and bolted the moment he gave me my book and receipt. I got in my car as fast as I could. I saw the cashier watching me, the crazy lady still trying to get past him. He didn’t move until my car left the parking lot. Thank you, cashier, for saving me from whatever that was. I did enjoy the book, by the way.