Political (Weather) Front

| The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Politics

(A customer has just bought a paper, and since it’s a quiet day, I make some small talk with him. It is currently very bad weather for the time of the year. It’s cold and very windy.)

Me: “So, did you make it through the storm?”

Customer: “Well, I survived, but it’s so cold!”

Me: “Yeah, I—”

Customer: “I think it’s a conspiracy from the European Union.”

Me: “I’m sorry, how?”

Customer: “The EU is making the weather extra cold, so we use more gas for the heater, and we have higher gas bills.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure the EU doesn’t have the technology to control the weather.”

Customer: “You never know with the EU!”

Me: “But controlling the weather—”

Customer: “You know how they are! For example, now with all the fuss about Cyprus. All they did was spend the same amount of money as Germany, but Germany is fine, and Cyprus is in a crisis!”

Me: “But Germany is a lot bigger than Cyprus.”

Customer: “Yeah, they sure are!”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

Anatomy Of An Idiot

| Philadelphia, PA, USA | Books & Reading, Health & Body, Math & Science, Movies & TV

(A customer comes to the register and puts a leather bound copy of ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ on the counter.)

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this book; it wasn’t what I expected.”

Me: “Okay, I can do that for you.”

Customer: “It was terrible; it’s not at all like the television show.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “It’s my favorite show, and I was really excited to read this, but I don’t know what they were thinking with this book.”

(I am dumbfounded, but I finish the transaction and send the customer on her way. The next customer in line approaches.)

Next Customer: “How is it you manage to get through a full day of that sort of bull-s*** and not punch yourself in the face?”

Me: “No idea, sir.”

Got To Give Him Credit For Trying

| Allentown, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Books & Reading, Liars & Scammers, Money

(My husband and I are customers in a fairly long line at the bookstore’s register. A customer ahead of us puts pile of about 10 books on the counter.)

Customer: “I’ll take these.”

(He opens his wallet and pulls out one of those credit card-shaped pieces of tan card stock that has the words ‘CREDIT CARD’ around the edges and comes inside a new wallet to demonstrate where your credit cards would go. Other than the words ‘CREDIT CARD’ around the edges, the card is completely blank. There is no name, card number, card type, etc.)

Customer: “Credit, please.”

(The customer hands the cashier the ‘credit card’.)

Cashier: “Uh…”

Customer: “This is a new card from Citibank. They are switching to paper instead of plastic because it is better for the environment.”

Cashier: “I don’t think—”

Customer: “THIS IS A CARD FROM CITIBANK! I WANT TO SPEAK TO A MANAGER!”

Manager: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to buy these books. Here is my credit card. It is a new card from Citibank; they are switching to paper from plastic to help the environment!”

Manager: *very obviously trying not to laugh* “I… uh… I’m sorry, but only major credit cards are accepted here.”

Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS! YOU JUST LOST YOURSELF A SALE! I AM TAKING MY BUSINESS SOMEWHERE ELSE!”

(The customer takes his ‘credit card’ and storms off.)