Anna Oprahnina

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Right | October 8, 2014

(I am a book seller in a large book-store chain. A woman is standing in front of the new release table and is looking frustrated.)

Me: “Can I help you, miss?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a new book. Oprah said it just came out. You should keep more new releases in stock! Especially if it’s a book by Oprah!”

Me: “Okay, well, maybe it’s somewhere else in the store. I can check for you. Do you know the title?”

Customer: “It’s called Anna Karenina.”

Me: *pause* “Oh, that should be in our literature section, under Tolstoy.”

Customer: “Why is it not in the new releases? Oprah said it was just published!”

Me: “Well, actually it was written in the 1870s.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t! Oprah said it was new! Oprah doesn’t lie! She’s Oprah!”

Me: “Okay. Do you want to get the book?”

Customer: “Of course! Oprah said I have to read it. Oprah!”

(My coworkers spent the rest of the day randomly shouting ‘Oprah!’ over the headsets.)

See this story as a comic!

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Actually Made Fifty Shades Less

| Mt Pleasant, MI, USA | Working | October 3, 2014

(I am restocking the shelves when my manager comes round.)

Manager: “Hey, we need room for a hundred new copies of that new Fifty Shades book coming out. Do you think we could get more room on these shelves?”

(The particular shelves are very near the children’s section.)

Me: “Really? Because it might be unsuitable for this part of the store.”

Manager: “Listen, we’re putting them on the tables near the counters, and this is the counter most people go to.”

Me: “Yes, because it’s near the very large children’s area. Parents won’t like it if there’s smut near the kids’ section.”

Manager: “Just do it! There’s no more room!”

(I do so. A few weeks later…)

Manager: “Well done, [My Name]. The Fifty Shades series has been selling really well! We’ve sold almost every copy!”

Me: “You do realize we’ve actually made less than usual in the children’s section because the next shelves, within a child’s view, might I add – are filled with porn?”

Manager: “No. Just be glad we made a profit!”

Me: “We didn’t. We often sell between 40 and 50 children’s books a month. We only sold 9 this month. Unless we put the Fifty Shades in a different place no parent will come here with their children.

Manager: “We made a profit! We sold so many Fifty Shades books!”

Me: *annoyed* “That’s because most bookstores don’t advertise them in full view! They put them in the back parts of the bookstores, so that’s why we’ve sold more than other local bookstores!”

Manager: *not getting it* “Exactly! That’s why we’ve made a profit!”

(A few parents complained and the manager was replaced. The adult novels are now near the back.)

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Managed To Eclipse Themselves In Bad Service

| TX, USA | Working | September 28, 2014

(I’m a huge ‘Twilight’ fan. I had all the movies (and every book out) save for the movie ‘Eclipse.’ Now, I’m also an avid reader, and I buy books every paycheck. I go into this store to finally buy ‘Eclipse’ and the last two John Green novels I’m missing, as well as some books from the bargain bin. I take it to the front counter and set them down. The employee scans the books, ignoring the expensive, two disk special edition ‘Eclipse.’)

Worker: “Your total will be [Total].”

Me: “Um, no. I wanted to get this, too. It’s why I came in.”

Worker: “Oh, you don’t want that. Twilight is really stupid. You have good tastes in books; don’t ruin it by watching that s***.”

(My jaw actually dropped, as I hate when people judge others by what they read/watch, and the fact he cussed at work.)

Me: “I happen to love Twilight, and read it constantly. I DON’T find it to be garbage, and regardless of your opinion, you DO need to ring it up, keep your opinion to yourself, and let me pay for it.”

Worker: “No. The customer isn’t always right you know.”

Me: “Fine, put it all back. I have your name, and I sure as h*** am going to be telling your manager why you lost a one hundred plus sale.”

Worker: “THE CUSTOMER ISN’T ALWAYS RIGHT!”

(In this case, yeah, the customer was. I managed to find the movie and my books at a much cheaper price at their competitor.)

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Just Losing It

| CA, USA | Working | September 25, 2014

(We have been getting some very welcome rain, but it has resulted to driving away the few potential customers we have. This means that many times, my shift is cut off early because we are overstaffed compared to the customer volume. I am counting one book section one rainy day when my store manager comes over.)

Store Manager: “[My Name]… I’m afraid I’m going to have to lose you. Permanently.”

(I feel the color drain from my face.)

Store Manager: “No, I’m just kidding! But seriously, I have to lose you. I know. It’s so sad.”

(He fake cries, leaving me very confused and disoriented. I know he likes to mess with his workers, but at this point, I’m not so sure.)

Me: “So… just for today?”

Store Manager: “Yes, yes, for today! Trust me, if it were permanent we’d be having this conversation in the back. Like, ‘Uh, [My Name]… we need to talk.'”

Me: “Well, I assure you I had nothing to do with that burned down orphanage— I mean, shhh!”

Start With Something Sensible

| CA, USA | Friendly | September 22, 2014

(My friend, who generally does not like to read, has suddenly been inspired to read a Jane Austen novel after watching the movie ‘The Jane Austen Book Club.’ Since I love to read and love the fact that he’s actually going to try it, I tell him I will read one with him and he can choose it. We are in the bookstore and have read all the summaries on the back of the books to determine which Austen novel we will read.)

Friend: “I just don’t know which one…”

Me: “Well, are there to you have it narrowed down to?”

Friend: “Hmm. Emma or Sense and Sensibility.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll put them behind my back, mix them up, and whichever one you choose is the one we read. Unless you decide you truly want the other.”

Friend: *laughing* “Okay.” *he turns away and not looking at me he picks a hand* “Left.”

Me: “Alright, Emma it is!”

Friend: “Oh my God, that’s a big book!”

Me: *laughing* “Do you want to start with Sense and Sensibility since it’s shorter?”

Friend: “Yes!”

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