The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 10

| MA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at my parents’ bookshop part time and have just gotten off shift. I am still in my uniform (khakis, blue polo, sneakers). I go to another bookstore for a Girl Scout fundraiser.)

Customer: “Excuse me miss, but could you tell me where to find Breaking Moon from Twilight?”

Me: “I don’t work here, but those are two different books: New Moon and Breaking Dawn.”

Customer: “You must work here if you know that they are two different books.”

Me: “I don’t work here, but I do read books.”

Customer: “You are lying to me! You work here! Kids don’t read books!”

Me: “I assure you, I really do not work here, and many children do read books.”

(Customer #1 then drags me across the store to the cashier’s station.)

Customer: *to cashier* “She works here!”

Cashier: “No, she does not, sir, but I’d be happy to answer any questions you may have.”

Customer: “She must work here! She knows about books! Kids don’t read books!”

(The cashier hands the customer a summer reading list.)

Cashier: “Here is a list of books kids are required to read. You might want to start at the bottom, next to the words ‘Kindergarden Reading List.'”

Customer: *turns blood red and leaves without buying anything*

Related:
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 9
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 8
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 7
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 6
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 5
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 4
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 3
The Twilight Of Our Literacy, Part 2
The Twilight Of Our Literacy

Harry Potter And The Disorder Of The Forks-Flicks

| USA | Top, Wild & Unruly

(I am a customer at a bookstore. I am browsing a few shelves when another customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

(I think I’m blocking her way, so I move two feet over.)

Me: “Sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: “Why the f*** are you walking away from me, you f***ing little c***?! I’ll have you fired for this!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I think you’re conf—”

Customer: “You little w****! You think you can sell my daughter these trashy novels, and expect to get away with it? She told me all about the saleslady who told her ‘Oh, you don’t want the Twilight series, Harry Potter is much better!’ Well, I’m telling you right now, my daughter DOES want the Twilight series. So, you better exchange the books right now, you b****!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s been a mistake. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “DON’T YOU LIE TO ME, YOU LITTLE S***!”

(The woman whaps me over the head with a hardcover book. This one is the fifth Harry Potter and therefore the thickest. I stumble backwards, and fall on my butt. At this point, an actual employee has noticed the situation, and has called for mall security. He runs over to try to break it up.)

Employee: “Ma’am, you can’t hit other customers!”

Customer: “That’s not a customer, and don’t you lie to me! I know it’s another one of your second rate employees, trying to get out of exchanging my books!”

(The customer proceeds to kick me as I’m still on the ground. When the employee tries to stop her, she hits him across the face with the book as well. He doesn’t fall over; instead, he grabs her arm and gets the book from her. She continues to try attacking, so he puts her in a headlock to immobilize her.)

Customer: “YOU’RE ALL JUST A BUNCH OF LITTLE F***ERS WHO DON’T WANT TO RETURN MY BOOK! WELL, I’M GETTING ALL YOU A**HOLES FIRED!”

(After screaming more profanities, security finally shows up. She is escorted out in handcuffs and is currently serving jail time for assault and battery. I ended up with a concussion, but got a five-hundred dollar gift card to the store as compensation. I also got a date with the employee who came to my rescue!)

Just Plain Batty

| Colorado Springs, CO, USA | Bizarre, Family & Kids, Religion

(My friend used to own a comic book in the local mall. I am a tall goth girl and am leaning against a book case reading a Japanese graphic novel.)

Customer’s Young Son: *tries to reach for a comic on the top shelf*

Me: “Here you go!” *hands him the comic* “Batman is my favorite super hero.”

(The young boy’s father approaches.)

Customer: “What they H*** do you think you’re doing talking to my son?! You’re trying to possess him with your evil!”

Me: “I was handing him a book.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You were trying to convert him to worshipping the devil!”

Owner: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “How dare you let devil worshippers hang around in your store?! She was trying to convert my son with this devil bat comic!”

Owner: “She handed him the comic. That is all, sir.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! You’re one of them aren’t you? You’re both in a cult together!” *to his son* “Son, we never go near these people again, do you hear me? I’ll tell everyone this store is evil!”

Me: “Sir, I’m actually an atheist and am offended that you would make such blind accusations based on my appearance.”

Customer: “Don’t tell me how to raise my son! God hates you!”

Owner: “Sir, I would like you to get out of my store and never return.”

Customer: “I can enter here if I want. It’s a free country, and you HAVE to serve me!”

Owner: *calmly* “You’re right, it is a free country, and as the owner of this shop, I have the freedom to tell you to get the f*** out or I’ll call the police.”

Customer: *grabs his son and leaves hastily*

Time To Pega-sulk

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Family & Kids

(A little girl approaches me holding up a book with a unicorn on the cover.)

Little Girl: “I think unicorns are beautiful!”

Me: “They sure are! That looks like a great book for you!”

Little Girl: “I think you’re a unicorn!”

Me: “Aww! Does that mean you think I’m beautiful?”

Little Girl: “No! It means you’re a horse with a big horn on your head!”

Me: “Umm…thank you?”

Not Paying At-Ten-tion

| Canberra, Australia | Money

(I work in a bookshop and we are having a sale. Everything is $10, and there are signs and tags everywhere.)

Customer: “Excuse me, how much is this?”

Me: “Everything in store is $10.”

Customer: “So, how much is this?”

Me: “$10.”

Customer: (picks up another book) “…and this?”

Me: “$10.”

Customer: “That can’t be right. It’s too cheap!”

Me: “I assure you it is. We’re having a sale. Everything is $10.”

Customer: “Oh, great!”

(The customer picks up another book with a big $10 sticker on the front.)

Customer: “So, how much is this one?”

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