Literally ROFL

, , , , , , , , | Working | July 4, 2018

Years ago, I was working at a bookstore with a cafe in it. I had always gotten along well with the cafe crew and liked to joke around with them. When the fad of drawing a mustache on your finger to hold up to your lip first became a thing, I thought they would get a kick out of it. One day, before my shift started, I went and stood in line in the cafe to get my drink, like I usually did, and when it was my turn at the register I smiled, held the drawn mustache up to my lip, and made my order.

My coworker let out a boisterous laugh, and then literally doubled over on the floor laughing. I was shocked at her reaction, as I was only expecting to get a chuckle out of her, not this kind of extreme response. I stood there embarrassed as the line of customers behind me was wondering what was happening. Another coworker in the cafe, upon seeing the cashier on the floor, let out a disgruntled sigh and stepped over her to come take my order, obviously annoyed with both of us. I sheepishly repeated my order, paid without a word, and stood to the side, red-faced and looking at the floor.

After that, I decided to cut back on horsing around with the cafe crew… At least where customers would be watching.

Read My Mood

, , , | Romantic | June 21, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are wandering around a bookstore while I try to find a new summer reading book. Note: I have a lisp that I can usually hide, but it has been really bad today.)

Me: “I can barely speak today.”

Boyfriend: “That sucks; can you see well enough to read, at least?”

Me: “My point exactly.”

Your Argument Holds Too Much Water

, , | Right | June 19, 2018

(A customer and her husband approach me as I’m standing at one of the store’s employee computers. She says she’s looking for a certain book.)

Customer: “It has the word ‘water’ in the title. Can you look it up for me?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Is ‘water’ part of the title or the whole title?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. Do you know the author?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay. Is the book fiction or nonfiction?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. What’s it about?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Um… Ma’am, I really can’t find a book based on one word and no description.”

Customer’s Husband: “I told her that.”

Customer: “Hush! I’m sure she can just type ‘water’ in for the title and it will pop right up.” *looks at me* “Try it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I type “water” into the title search and hit enter. I show the customer the search results.)

Customer: “Hm… None of these look right. Is this all?”

Me: “Ma’am, those are the first twenty results.”

Customer: “Oh. How many results are there?”

(I pointed to the screen to show her. There were over 10,000 results. She stared at the computer for a while and then calmly turned and walked away. Her husband followed her, laughing.)

Sometimes Life Sends You A Win – Literature-ly

, , , | Hopeless | June 13, 2018

Money was fairly tight when I graduated from college. I always had some food at home and never missed rent and bills, but other luxuries weren’t always a possibility. One particularly tight period I went to the local bookshop to see what kind of general-purpose traditional cookbooks they had for when I had some spare cash, since the charity shops didn’t have what I had in mind. Just as I got up the steps to the cooking section, a staff member asked if I wanted to join in a promotional event for their anniversary — so I ended up playing Pass The Parcel with several kids and their parents.

The game went as it usually does, until the music stopped when I was holding a fairly large parcel. I quickly passed it to the little girl beside me, who opened a really nice [Major Animation Company] storybook that I’d have loved at her age and she seemed delighted with.

The game kept going on, until the music stopped while I was holding a much smaller parcel with a lot less wiggle room to pass it on. I opened it to find a gift card! Someone up there liked me that day, since I got my cookbook and have made some big advancements in my cooking since — even sharing some of the recipes from it when people particularly liked them.

Double Standards Of Ignorance

, , , , | Right | June 11, 2018

(I work in a bookstore. I’m working the information desk with my male coworker — I’m female. He’s on the phone when an older gentleman walks up to the desk.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: “I’d rather wait until he’s done and ask him.” *gestures to my coworker*

Me: “All right, but it might be a bit of a wait. Are you sure I can’t at least get you started?”

Customer: *sneering* “I doubt it, but all right.”

(He then proceeds to explain that he has only the vaguest notion of what the book is about, doesn’t know the title or the author, and can’t give me much to go on. At the time, we don’t have access to the Internet on our computers, just our inventory, so unless we are familiar with the book the customer is describing, it will be a miracle to find it.)

Me: *after searching every which way I can think of in our inventory, spending a good five minutes trying to tease more out of him* “I’m terribly, sorry, sir, but with the limited information you’ve given me, I’m afraid I just can’t find the book you’re looking for. Would it be possible for you to get the title or the author? You can always call us if you’d rather not make another trip here.”

Customer: *smirking now* “See, I knew you’d be no help. I’ll just wait for him.”

Me: “That’s fine, sir.”

(My coworker gets off the phone and the old man goes over to him and gives him the same limited information he gave me.)

Coworker: *shrugging* “No clue what you’re talking about. We can’t find it if you don’t give us the title or something.”

Customer: “That’s quite all right, son. Thank you for your help.”

Me: *speechless*


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