Putting The High Into Hiring

| UK | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

Customer: *bloodshot eyes and stinking of weed* “Hi. I’m looking for a gardening book.”

Me: “Okay. Our gardening section is right here. Was there are a particular book you were after?”

Customer: “I’m wanting one that teaches you how to grow drugs.”

Bookseller: “Like medicinal herbs? We have a few titles on natural remedies in our health sec—”

Customer: “Nah, I mean like cannabis.”

Bookseller: “Er… there are titles on that subject but they are only sold in our Amsterdam stores. I can’t legally sell them in this country.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. You guys hiring?”

Bound(ary) To Serve

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(We have a regular that comes in every Wednesday or Thursday night. This time, I’m on the register when he comes in. I am female, wearing a knee-length tunic over linen pants as it’s high summer and very warm.)

Customer: *without saying hello* “Are you pregnant?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you were pregnant. Are you?”

Me: “I don’t see how it’s any of your business, but no.”

Customer: “It’s just that I had a haircut today, and my hairdresser was wearing a similar outfit to you. She was four months pregnant and got angry at me because I didn’t notice or say anything. So now I’m wondering, do all women wear what you wear when they’re pregnant?”

Me: “I’m not sure why your hairdresser had such a strong reaction, but I’m pretty sure most women are wearing what I’m wearing right now because its 45 degrees celsius outside and not because it’s a secret code that we’re reproducing.”

Customer: “Oh, good point. Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude by asking personal questions.”

(The very next week, he returns and again walks right up to the register.)

Customer: “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Me: *sigh* “Yes.”

Customer: “Are you going to marry him?”

Me: “Okay, sir, I think we need to have a quiet chat about boundaries…”

Moved On And Far Away

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(A colleague of mine has just gotten a job as an editor and left us, but she and I keep in touch as we are good friends. I am working in the shop when this happens but we both live in the area. Please note: she is very tall and good-looking. A customer comes in, does a few laps, and then comes up to me.)

Customer: “Where is [Colleague]?”

Me: “I’m afraid she’s moved on, sir. She doesn’t work here anymore. Can I help you?”

Customer: *completely losing it* “WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE DOESN’T WORK HERE ANYMORE?! WHERE IS SHE? WHHEREEEE ISSS SSHHHHEE!?”

(Before I can answer, he storms out, enraged. I call my colleague on her mobile.)

Me: “Did you say you were having dinner out tonight?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just two doors down from you actually. Why?”

Me: “When you’re done, don’t walk to the parking lot by yourself.”