Education Is Bacon For Granted

| Virginia, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Pets & Animals

(We are a college bookstore that sells fetal pigs that biology students must purchase and dissect for their labs. Students usually come in knowing whether they must purchase a male or female pig.)

Student: “Hi, I need to buy a fetal pig.”

Me: “No problem. Male or female?”

Student: “What’s the difference?”

In God We Tax

| Pasadena, CA, USA | Money, Religion

(An elderly customer in a Catholic priest’s cassock with a thick Irish accent comes into our bookstore. I add up his purchases and hand him a receipt. He looks over it, but hands it back to me.)

Customer: “There’s been a mistake. I don’t pay sales tax.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. Can I see your resale card?”

Customer: “I don’t have one of those. These items are for myself.”

Me: “Well, then, I’m afraid you have to pay sales tax. Everyone pays sales tax unless they have a resale card.”

Customer: “You’re mistaken. Priests don’t pay sales tax.”

Me: “Maybe not in Ireland, but they do in the US.”

Customer: “…And that’s why this country is completely uncivilized!” *leaves*

Online Store, Meet Offline Brain, Part 2

| Livingston, NJ, USA | Money, Technology

Me: “I’m sorry, it looks like we don’t have that book in stock. I can order it for you, though.”

Customer: “Oh, no. I don’t do that ordering stuff. I don’t give my credit card information out under any circumstances.”

Me: “Well, we process the orders through a register, so it’s actually just like making a regular purchase.”

Customer: “I already told you, no! I don’t do that ordering stuff! I’ll just get it online. That’s all!”

Me: “But buying it online IS ordering. You’re giving your credit card information out.”

Customer: *pats my shoulder* “Oh, dear, it’s totally different. You have so much to learn, don’t you? Now, have a nice day!”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
Online Store, Meet Offline Brain

That Won’t Fly In This Store

| Boston, MA, USA | Rude & Risque

(A disheveled, belligerent customer approaches our manager.)

Customer: “You need to tell me why that old woman on the third floor is cussin’ me out!”

Manager: “Another customer, sir?”

Customer: “Yeah, she’s yellin’ at me, and you need to make her stop!”

(The manager speaks with an employee upstairs to get the other customer’s side of the story, and then returns to the first customer.)

Manager: “Sir, the other customer claims you exposed yourself to her.”

Customer: “I’m a customer here all the time! You need to make her stop!”

Manager: “Sir, I have to ask you to stop.”

Customer: “What?! I’m a customer! Why?”

Manager: “Because your fly is down.”

Customer: “Well, it happens!”

What A BS Degree

, | The Netherlands | Bigotry, School

(I’ve been helping a student from China get her books for her Master’s programme. Her English is fine, but she has a strong accent. After I’ve finished helping her, the next customer steps up.)

Customer: “If that’s how she speaks English, she’s going to have serious trouble with Dutch. She’ll be useless in class!”

Me: “Actually, her courses are all in English, so she won’t have to learn Dutch.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous! They’re making all these courses in English to let lazy foreigners get in easily. What about us, hmm? We have to put up with having to speak a foreign language in our own country just so she can come here and basically get handed a place at university by the stupid management. I bet she’ll get a job here, too. Everyone seems to think it’s more prestigious to hire some foreigner than someone who actually knows the language and the culture and everything!”

Me: “… Anyway, let’s get your books. What is your major?”

Customer: “International relations.”

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