In A Happy Holi-daze

| MI, USA | Right | December 24, 2014

Cashier: “Will these books be all for you today?”

Me: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Well, you have a very Merry Christma—”

(The cashier peers at my Star of David necklace with Hebrew engraving.)

Cashier: “—AND I hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah!”

(The cashier then waves to everyone waiting in line to get their attention.)

Cashier: “Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Spiritually Fullfilling Equinox, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!”

(The whole line applauds and laughs.)

Me: “That was awesome!”

Cashier: “I know that Happy Holidays covers everything, but wouldn’t it be awesome if I knew all of them just in case?!”

 

See this story as a comic!

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Santa Knows Who’s Being Naughty

| KY, USA | Right | December 22, 2014

(It’s Christmas Eve and I’m working until close. It’s been a very busy day, and I’m not exactly thinking clearly. I’m a girl in my early 20s, generally considered somewhat attractive, as I’m tall and thin with a rather large chest. A young handsome guy approaches the register with a friend, having a conversation in French.)

Me: “Hi there! Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “Yes…” *he leans in close to me, over the counter* “Uh, Playboy have you done, no?”

(I blink at him in surprise for a few seconds. My immediate reaction is to take off my Santa hat, worried it somehow makes me look scantily dressed.)

Me: “I, erm, no, erm, what?”

Customer:Playboy. Magazine. Have you?”

Me: *realizing* “Oh! Oh, no, no, we don’t carry that.”

(He thanks me and we finish the transaction. A coworker, who overheard, leans over to me:)

Coworker: “It’s the Santa hat.”

Death Defying Colors

| Victoria, BC, Canada | Working | December 15, 2014

(Two women approach my till.)

Woman: “Do you have books on dying and grieving?”

Me: “Yes, of course. Right this way.”

(I take her and her friend to our psychology section where at the top there are books on death and dying. The women look at each other awkwardly.)

Woman: “Umm… we said dyeing and weaving.”

(I promptly took them to our crafts section, apologizing the whole way!)

The Diet Of Tomorrow

| Temagami, ON, Canada | Right | December 13, 2014

(It’s just after Christmas:)

Customer: “Hi, do you have [popular diet book]?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we have no copies left in store. It is on order and more will arrive in mid-January, if you can wait that long.”

Customer: “Sure, that’s fine. I have a lot of chocolate to eat before then anyways.”

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Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 3

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | December 11, 2014

Customer: “I want to return this book.”

Me: “Okay, do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Our return policy is 14 days with a receipt, so since this is outside of that, I need to call over a manager. If you don’t mind, it will be just a moment.”

Customer: “I don’t care about your policy; just give me my money back.”

Me: “Ma’am, the manager is the only one who can make that call. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m double parked outside.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, but there’s nothing I can do.”

(The manager comes over. It’s only been about a minute since the customer walked up to me.)

Customer: “God, finally! I need my money back, and I’m double parked outside, so make it quick!”

Manager: “Well, our usual policy is 14 days with a receipt, but we can occasionally make exceptions—”

Customer: “I just read it yesterday!”

Manager: “Wait, you read the whole book?”

Customer: “Yes, and I hated it! That’s why I’m returning it!”

Manager: “Ma’am, that’s not really how a bookstore works. If everyone just returned books after they were done reading them, we would be a library.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Manager: “Well—”

Customer: “—GOD, FINE! Here’s a receipt if you people need it so badly!”

(Customer throws a crumpled, faded receipt at the manager. She catches it and looks at it, shocked.)

Manager: “Ma’am, this receipt is from [Competitor], who went out of business three years ago.”

Customer: “So?”

Manager: “So it’s not even from our store. I can’t give you your money back.”

Customer: *looking out the window, noticing her car is getting a ticket* “Oh my god, I hate this store! I’m never shopping here again!”

Manager: “You never shopped here in the first place!”

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer

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