In Line And Out Of Line, Part 8

| TX, USA | Right | May 12, 2015

(I work at a major bookstore and it is New Year’s Day. We are open, but business is fairly slow. I am at the registers along with one other co-worker. We work through a line of people that never reaches more than three people long. A gruff man comes up to me to check out.)

Customer: “About d*** time. I was in that line forever.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, sir. This is the busiest it has been all day. Luckily we have two people working the registers.”

Customer: “Well, why the f*** do you have 10 registers and only two of you working them?”

Me: “Well, we never really need all of them unless it’s the week before Christmas. We can work through a line pretty fast. Sorry you had to wait so long.”

(My customer looks at the elderly couple checking out next to me as they write a check.)

Customer: “It’s because all of these f****** are using their check books and crap like that. Makes it last longer.”

(I usually kinda joke it off if a customer makes a racy remark, but just stare blankly at him.)

Me: “Yeah, well, your total is [total].”

(Customer digs through his wallet and pocket to get several bills that are mostly wadded up. He begins to huff loudly as I try to straighten them all out.)

Customer: “Maybe it’s the f****** cashiers that make the lines last so long.”

(I deliberately took my sweet time handing him back the change.)

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 7
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 6
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 5

The Girl Who Played With Hellfire

| Stockholm, Sweden | Right | May 6, 2015

(I’m the customer in this story. I’m a tourist in Stockholm looking for a book for my boyfriend at the time, who is learning Swedish. I don’t speak a word of it. I see a bookstore and just wander in.)

Me: “Hi there. I’m looking for a Swedish book that has something to do with crime. Could you help me with that?”

Clerk: *looks at me dumbfounded* “Uhm. What was that?”

Me: “You know. Something thrilling and exciting ?”

Clerk: “You do realise this is a Catholic book store and we only carry books on religion, right?”

Not Booked For Stealing

| NY, USA | Right | April 24, 2015

(In the store where I work, to prevent theft, a security alarm at the doors will go off if your items have not been scanned. At the same time, we’re never allowed to accuse someone of stealing. A woman walks through the doors to leave and the alarm sounds off and she comes to a halt, so I approach her.)

Me: “Hi, ma’am. Sorry about that. Do you want me to go re-scan those to make sure the alarm won’t sound off when you walk out again?”

Customer: “Oh, I think these might have accidentally fallen into my pockets. I’m sorry…”

(She then pulled out two books from her coat pockets, handed them to me, turned, and walked out, leaving my coworker and me very confused.)

Fifty Shades Of Dark Knight

| Markham, ON, Canada | Right | April 22, 2015

(A woman comes into the store.)

Customer: “I need the latest Harlequin book!”

Me: “Of course. Do you know the title or author?”

Customer: “No. But it’s the latest one!”

(In the spirit of providing good customer service, I quickly retrieve the latest Harlequin releases to show the woman. Upon seeing the books, the customer gives me a very unexpected response:)

Customer: “NO! NO! This is wrong! I want the one with Batman!”

(Fortunately, the Batman reference tells me what the customer is ACTUALLY looking for.)

Me: “Ah. You want the latest HARLEY QUINN comic book.”

Customer: “That’s what I said! Harlequin!”

(The wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable determines whether you get a comic book, or an erotic novel.)

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Swear The Store Is Empty

| Powell River, BC, Canada | Working | April 21, 2015

(My husband and I have a small bookstore.)

Me: “I discovered an addition to Murphy’s Law today.”

Husband: “What’s that?”

Me: “If you’re in the back room and drop something and swear loudly, you will immediately discover that there is a customer in the store.”

Husband: “Sounds about right.”

Me: “There’s a corollary.”

Husband: “Oh?”

Me:  “They will then proceed to ask where you keep the Christian books.”

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