Failed The Geek Test

| SC, USA | Books & Reading, Funny Names, Geeks Rule

Customer: “Do you have The Hobbit?”

Me: “Yeah, it’s back in SciFi/Fantasy. Alphabetical by author’s last name. Tolkien.”

Customer: “Why is The Hobbit in SciFi/Fantasy?”

Me: “Uhh…”

Customer: “It’s a test.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: *visibly annoyed* “Health Occupational Basics Entrance Test. Why is it in SciFi? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Me: “Oh! Hold on.” *looks it up on the computer* “Yeah, we don’t have anything like that in the store. I can order something if you want.”

Customer: “What?! I called earlier and the woman I talked to said you had it in the store.”

Me: “Yeah… she probably thought you were talking about The Hobbit. Do you want me to order a title for you?”

Customer: “NO!” *walks out with a huff*

About To Get Himself Booked

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Criminal & Illegal, Geeks Rule

(We WERE a specialty bookstore but have gone the way of many others and are liquidating stock, with the only thing not discounted being rare or signed editions in a locked glass cabinet. Whilst most books are massively discounted, we also have a basket of books with minor shelf damage with a sign that states they are damaged and therefore customers are welcome to take a free one with any purchase. A customer approaches with a handful of them.)

Customer: “I’d like a discount on these. They’re damaged.”

Me: “Well, everything’s pretty much discounted. It doesn’t get much cheaper than $1 a book. Even so, they’re free if you purchase another item.”

Customer: “So, all the damaged books are free?”

Me: “Yes, if you purchase another book with them.”

Customer: “I’ll be right back.”

(He leaves his stack on the counter and I help other customers when I notice a cracking sound. He triumphantly returns to the counter, shoving other customers out of the way saying he was there first. I look over his shoulder to see he’s broken the latch on the rare book display to force it open as he slams a leather bound book signed by Neil Gaiman AND Terry Pratchett on the counter, cracking the hardcover.)

Customer: “All the damaged books are free, right?”

(You really don’t want to know what some of the other customers did…)

Needs To Return Up The River

| IN, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

Customer: “Hi. I’d like to exchange this book for this other one, please.”

Me: “I’m happy to help. Was there a problem with the book you’re returning?”

Customer: “No. It just wasn’t the right one.”

Me: “All right. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. I bought it online.”

Me: “Oh, I see. May I have your name, please?”

(The customer tells me her name and I pull up our store’s order records on the computer.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t see anything on our records under your name. Did you order the book on someone else’s account, perhaps?”

Customer: “No. I definitely ordered it myself.”

Me: “Hmm…”

(I try everything I can think of to find a record of the transaction. After about five minutes of fruitless searching, the customer pipes up.)

Customer: “Does it make a difference that I ordered it on Amazon?”

Me: “…I’m sorry. What?”

Customer: “I bought this on Amazon. I was kinda hoping you could just take this one that I got and give me this book off your shelves.”

Me: “…No, ma’am. It doesn’t work like that.”

Customer: “Why not? I come in with a book, I leave with a book. You lose a book and gain a book. It all works out in the end.”

Me: “Ma’am, you have to actually buy a book from us to return it to us.”

Customer: “Oh, really?”