Moved On And Far Away

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

(A colleague of mine has just gotten a job as an editor and left us, but she and I keep in touch as we are good friends. I am working in the shop when this happens but we both live in the area. Please note: she is very tall and good-looking. A customer comes in, does a few laps, and then comes up to me.)

Customer: “Where is [Colleague]?”

Me: “I’m afraid she’s moved on, sir. She doesn’t work here anymore. Can I help you?”

Customer: *completely losing it* “WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE DOESN’T WORK HERE ANYMORE?! WHERE IS SHE? WHHEREEEE ISSS SSHHHHEE!?”

(Before I can answer, he storms out, enraged. I call my colleague on her mobile.)

Me: “Did you say you were having dinner out tonight?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m just two doors down from you actually. Why?”

Me: “When you’re done, don’t walk to the parking lot by yourself.”

Her Logic Isn’t Adding Up

| IN, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Math & Science

Me: “All right, your total comes to $26.48. Will that be cash, check, or card?”

Customer: “Card, please.”

(We finish the transaction. When I hand the customer her receipt, she squints suspiciously at it.)

Me: “… Um, is something the matter?”

Customer: “That doesn’t sound right. It’s too high. You must have overcharged me.”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look at your receipt. This item was about $10, these two were $5, this was $3, and this was $1. And there was sales tax, too. It can add up quickly.”

Customer: “I don’t believe your math. You overcharged me! This is way too much for what I bought.”

(I pull out a calculator and add each item’s exact price together. I also calculate sales tax and add that to the total, which comes out to $26.48, the exact amount she paid.)

Customer: “No, you added wrong! I don’t believe your math!”

(I add everything again, slower.)

Customer: “I don’t believe your math!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, ma’am. I’ve just proved to you that I charged you the correct price. If you’re not happy with your purchases, you can return them here.”

Customer: “No, I need these things. I’ll take them even though you overcharged me!”

Fortune Favors The Foretold

| USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Theme Of The Month

(A customer walks up to bookstore counter. Our bookstore isn’t very big, and it doesn’t have a lot of employees, but a lot of regulars.)

Me: “Are you having trouble finding any books?”

Customer: “I need my fortune told!”

Me: “I’m sorry. This is a bookstore. We don’t do fortune telling.”

Customer: “I need my fortune told!”

Me: “Again, we don’t do fortunes. But if you need to find a book, I can get someone to help you.”

Customer: “I NEED MY FORTUNE TOLD!”

(At this point I realize it’s easier to give the customer her fortune, real or not, than to try to explain that, no, this is not a fortune telling area.)

Me: “Okay, okay. Give me your hand.”

Customer: “What? Really? Oh, thank you. Thank you!”

(Customer eagerly gives me her hand, palm up. I stare intensely at it, tracing each line and muttering to myself.)

Me: *looks up* “Your future…”

Customer: “YES!?”

Me: “Your future is uncertain.”