Closed To Fake Customers

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

(Our store closes at 6 pm. It’s 6:20 and I’m standing by the front doors, waiting to lock up, while my coworker cashes out the last few customers at the store. While I’m eager to get home, I’m usually sympathetic when someone wants to grab something quickly. A woman walks up to me.)

Customer: “Hi, are you guys closing?”

Me: “Yeah, we’ve actually been closed for about 20 minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted to go in.”

Me: “Well, if you know what you want you can rush in and grab it.”

Customer: *very bright and chipper* “Well, I wasn’t going to buy anything. I just wanted to look around.”

Me: “Sorry, but we are closed.”

Customer: “So you’re not going to let me in?”

Me:“Um, no.”

Customer: “That’s not very good customer service.”

Me: “Well, that would be because you’re not a real customer.”

Those Books Can Be Killer To Finish

| KY, USA | Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, History

(I’m the customer in this situation:)

Me: “I’m looking for a copy of Les Mis and I found several different copies from different publishers. What do you recommend?”

Staff Member: “Well, it depends. Do you want a smaller-size copy that’d fit in your purse so you can take it anywhere?”

Me: “Well… the print in those can get pretty tiny… Actually, I’m looking for a book hefty enough to kill someone with.”

Staff Member: “…”

Me: “Sorry.”

Staff Member: “In that case, I suggest Tolstoy or Proust.”

Refunder Blunder, Part 7

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(Customers are able to purchase items through an affiliated online sales channel, which has its own customer service department. Stores really do not have a lot of information regarding these orders, but customers usually come here first when there’s a problem. This customer calls on a Saturday.)

Caller: “Yeah, I just got an email saying my order’s been cancelled. How do I get my money back?”

Me: “Well, your refund will be processed however you paid for it, so it will go onto your payment card automatically.”

Caller: “How much will I get back?”

Me: “I’m not sure; I’d have to pull up your order details.”

(I can basically see what they ordered, what they paid, and their order status, that’s it.)

Caller: “Can I just get cash back? I don’t want to wait a month for it to process.”

Me: “Well, it will only take a couple of business days…”

Caller: “So, how much am I getting back? Why is this taking so long?”

Me: “Well, let’s see. You paid about $5—”

Caller: “But I paid shipping! If I’m not being shipped anything, I shouldn’t be charged shipping!”

Me: “Yes, that’s true. You will be refunded the shipping—”

Caller: “Then how much am I getting back? And when will I be getting it? God! Why are you taking so long with this?”

Me: “Well, this was an online order. You’d really have better luck talking to online customer service.”

Caller: “What’s their number?”

Me: “Let me just pull that up for you—”

Caller: “I’m not wasting another minute on this. Call me back next month when you’ve finally found it.” *rattles off phone number and hangs up on me*

(Despite the shock of her rudeness, I pull up the online customer service number and proceed to call her back maybe 30 seconds later.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve got that customer service number for you—”

Caller: “About time. Give it to me.”

(I give her the number and she hangs up on me again.)

Me: “Well, that was fun.”

Coworker: “Isn’t online customer service closed on weekends?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

(And I would have warned her of that if she hadn’t hung up on me again. I guessed she had fun figuring that out for herself.)

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 6
Refunder Blunder, Part 5
Refunder Blunder, Part 4