If You Want A Book About Everything And Nothing: Settle For The Bible

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2018

(I work in a bookstore in customer service. I restocking a shelf when a customer possibly in her mid-20s approaches me for assistance finding a book.)

Me: “What can I help you find today?”

Customer: *currently browsing self-help books* “I’m looking for a present for my boyfriend.”

Me: “Did you have something specific in mind, or were you looking for recommendations?”

Customer: “Recommendations. I want something either for teenagers or adults. And it can be nonfiction or fiction. And preferably religious or non-religious. And that has a male protagonist. And it can be sci-fi, fantasy, or realistic. And it can either be a series or a single book.”

(So, basically the whole store.)

Me: “And how old is your boyfriend?”

Customer: “He’s a teenager.”

Me: “I can show you some of our more popular teen fiction series. Here’s one I’ve read that is my favorite and has a strong male lead.”

Customer: “He’s 25. Is this religious?”

Me: “Oh, uh, then he might not enjoy the teen fiction section. But we are the same age, and I still like some of them, particularly the one I showed you. I can show you our religion section, though. If you want something religious, it would be there. Is that something he’s interested in?”

Customer: “No. I don’t want religious, but I do. You know?”

(She takes the young adult books I recommended and follows me to the religion section, constantly mumbling to herself and repeating, “I don’t know,” under her breath and laughing.)

Me: “Here’s our selection of religious books. I’m not familiar with my titles in this section, but can find someone better equipped to help you.”

Customer: “No, no. This is not what I want. I don’t want this. Take me back to the other section.”

(I took her back to our young adult fiction section and let her browse, but told to let me know if she had any questions. I saw her later asking a coworker if a different book from our teen fiction section was religious. The worker told her no, and she screamed, “I don’t want religious!” loud enough for other customers to stop and stare. She walked away looking confused and ended up buying him a Bible.)

Stuck In Holding Pattern Of Perpetual Resigned Despair

, , , | Right | November 30, 2018

(I work for a very popular bookstore, and our checkout lines get REALLY long during the holidays. People that don’t want to stand in line at our main register will come to our smaller register next to the mall entrance, though that eventually develops a line, too. However, the mall entrance registers don’t have everything the main registers do:)

Woman: “I have a book on hold I need to pick up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, holds are kept at the main register near the—”

(The woman visibly deflates.)

Woman: *whining in resigned despair* “Oh, don’t tell me that…”

Doesn’t Understand Your English Explanation

, , , | Right | November 29, 2018

(I’m manning the till while an American woman browses.)

Customer: “Is this book in English?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The woman looks at it again and puts it back. She picks up another book.)

Customer: “Is this in English?”

Me: “Yes, madam. Almost every book in this store is in English. The only ones which aren’t are in the language section.”

(The woman puts the book back and picks up yet another.)

Customer: “Is this book in English?”

(This continued for another few minutes until the woman left. She didn’t buy anything because she wasn’t sure anything was in English.)

Books Should Categorized By Cover Color

, , , , , | Right | November 29, 2018

Customer: “I’m trying to find a book about the University.”

Me: “You’ve come to the right place. Let me show you our local interest section.”

(I do so, and the customer looks for the book they want.)

Customer: “I don’t see it.”

Me: “Well, maybe we can special order a copy. Do you know the book’s title?”

Customer: “No, but it’s green.”

Me: “That’s one of our school colors.”

Customer: “Well, it’s about this big.” *motions with his hands*

Me: “Um… I’m going to talk to my manager.”

(I walk into the back of the room. My manager is talking to a semi-retired teacher in his sixties.)

Me: “I have a customer that’s looking for a book, and he only knows that it’s green and about this big.” *motions with hands*

Senior Employee: “Oh, he means that book.”

Me & Manager: “Huh?!”

Unfiltered Story #127647

, , | Unfiltered | November 26, 2018

(I work in a small indie bookshop. Small, but not miniscule.)
Customer, wandering over from the children’s books: Are the adult books upstairs?
(There is no upstairs)
Me: No, ma’am. So what kind of book are you looking for?
Customer: The REAL LITERATURE.
Me: Okay, so fiction is going to be all along here. Mystery is in the middle, best sellers–
Customer: That’s all?
Me: We’re a small store.
Customer: Well, I read a lot, so I’m sure I’ve read all of those.
(Then she asked me for directions to all our competitors. I gave very helpful directions and now she’s their problem. Sorry, guys!)

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