Holy Haggling Hags, Batman!

, , , | Right | August 28, 2017


(I work at a well-known bookstore with a pretty good clearance section. An elderly couple comes up to my register with a bunch of clearance items, and the woman demands rather rudely to know their prices.)

Customer: “Is this purse five dollars?”

Me: *scans tag* “No, it’s $9.98.”

Customer: “Can I pay five dollars for it?”

Me: “…um, I’m sorry, but I can’t haggle.”

Customer: *completely serious*  “But I can.”

Me: “…”

(I found out, after conferring with coworkers, that they’re pretty tenacious swindlers.)

Someone Needs To Write These Books

, , , , , | Right | August 23, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Woman: *who sounds like a little old lady* “Hi, [My Name], do you have fitness books?”

Me: “Yes, we do!”

Woman: “Can you look up some titles for me?”

Me: “Sure!”

Woman: “The first is called ‘Call Me Miss Shapely Legs.’ Now, [My Name], please repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *puzzled by the odd title, but repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking directly into the phone. Repeat it again, please.”

Me: *repeats it again, at this point still feeling sympathetic, thinking the woman is hard of hearing* “I’m sorry, ma’am, nothing comes up for it.”

Woman: “Really? Nothing? Why is that?”

Me: “Because we can’t get it in. It might be an older book, or out of print.”

Woman: “That’s too bad, I can’t believe you can’t get it! Well, the next book is ‘We Made Love Now I Have to Kill You.’ [My Name], repeat that back to me so I know you have it right.”

Me: *says it back quietly, as there’s a line of customers standing right there and I feel somewhat embarrassed saying this into the phone!*

Woman: “I can’t hear you. Speak up and repeat it again.”

Me: *repeats it more clearly*

Woman: “I still can’t hear you.”

Me: *practically shouts the title into the phone*

(Customers and coworkers at the counter are all staring at me and snickering. Lo and behold, this book doesn’t come up either.)

Woman: “Okay, [My Name], how about ‘I Have the Strength of 10,000 Muscular Women.’ Now [My Name], repeat that title back to me please so I know you have it right.”

Me: *gritting teeth, repeats it*

Woman: “You’re not speaking into the phone!”

Me: *convinced I’m being pranked at this point* “‘I. HAVE. THE. STRENGTH. OF. TEN. THOUSAND. MUSCULAR. WOMEN.’ I AM SPEAKING DIRECTLY INTO THE PHONE. NOTHING IS COMING UP IN THE COMPUTER FOR IT. WE DO NOT HAVE IT. I have to go. my boss is calling me.”

(My coworkers never let me live down that a little old lady prank called me.)

Unfiltered Story #91904

, , , | Unfiltered | August 20, 2017

Customer: “You sure have a lot of books in here!”
Me: “Yes, I was thinking about selling some…”
Customer: “Have you read all these books?”
Customer (an 80-ish woman): “What do you like to read?”
Me (43, male): “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

Unfiltered Story #91902

, , , | Unfiltered | August 20, 2017

Customer: “How much are your books?”
Me: “All of them? Well, today only I will give you a deal – say $250,000?”

Unfiltered Story #91900

, , , | Unfiltered | August 20, 2017

Customer: “Are your books shelved by author or title?”
Me: “Well, if they were by title, we’d have a massive ‘The’ section, wouldn’t we?”
Customer: “So, author then – first name or last name???”
Me: “……last name.”

Customer: “Where is the historical fiction?”
Me: “All fiction is historical – except perhaps science fiction.”


Customer: “I looked for a Clive Cussler title and the one I wanted wasn’t there. Would they be anywhere else?”
Me: “Like, did I put some in with Tom Clancy?”

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