Dummies For Oprah

, , , | Right | June 6, 2018

(I am stocking shelves and overhear this conversation.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m looking for a book on massage.”

Coworker #1: “Yes, ma’am. Is there a particular title or author you were looking for?”

Customer: “I saw the author on Oprah. I don’t remember the title or the author’s name but the author had blonde hair. Do you have the book?”

Coworker #1: “…”

Coworker #2: “We have Massage for Dummies.”

(I had to hold my breath so I wouldn’t laugh as the customer, oblivious, talked on and on about how she didn’t like those dummies books. She never did understand why no one could tell her which book she wanted.)

Wish They Would Just Scoot

, , , , | Right | June 5, 2018

(We are located on the downtown strip of an eclectic town, so we get all sorts of characters in our store. Usually, it makes the job fun and interesting, but sometimes it’s just aggravating. This is a story I watch unfold. A customer tries to drive a motorized scooter into the store.)

Coworker: “Sorry, you can’t bring that in here!”

Customer: *shouts over motor* “What? I can’t hear you!”

Coworker: “You. Cannot. Bring. That. In. Here.”

Customer: “What?! I still can’t hear you!”


Customer: “Oh.”

(He does a 16-point turn to turn around and take the scooter outside. He then places it directly in front of one of the doors.)

Customer: “Can you give me directions to the post office?”

Coworker: *trying to get rid of him as fast as possible* “Cross the street, and then take a left. It’s at the end of the block.”

Customer: “Where?”

Coworker: *explains again*

Customer: “Where?”

Coworker: *explains another three times*

Customer: “Oh…” *wanders out confused and takes his scooter the wrong way*

In Receipt Of A Bad Attitude

, , | Right | June 5, 2018

(I live in a small town that’s right next to a larger city where I work. It’s only 15 minutes from my home to work on my bicycle. A posh-looking couple comes in and the man walks towards the counter with book.)

Customer: “I got this as a present, but I already have it.”

Me: “That’s no problem. You can either pick out another book or receive a gift card from our store if you can’t find anything right now.”

Customer: “I want a gift card.”

Me: “Okay, may I have the receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t have that; I got this as a present!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I need to have the receipt to be able to proceed. Without it, I’m not allowed to do any return actions.”

Customer: “That is ridiculous! No other store ever demands something like that. If I go to [Other Bookshop nearby], they just hand me another book, no questions asked!”

(I find that very hard to believe, but leave my sarcasm in my head and just keep on smiling.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but that’s our store policy.” *points at the sign next to me that has our policy printed on* “Maybe you could ask the person who gave you the book for the receipt and come back with it later.”

Customer: “Then I have to go all the way to [Town] to get it. Do you know how far that is to go all the way up there?!”

Me: “Yes, I live there.”

Customer: “I just want a new book right now! I’m in my right to get a new book! I have a real job and don’t have time to go get a stupid receipt!”

Me: *trying my hardest to keep my frustration out of my voice and stay polite* “Sir, I’m sorry, but I need it as proof that the book was bought here, and the barcode on it to trigger my register for a return action.”

Customer’s Wife: “Honey, let’s go before you start making a fuss.”

Customer: *yelling* “I’m not making a fuss; I’m defending my rights!”

(The wife drags him away after some more yelling from the man. The next day they return, the man looking smug. He passes me the book with the receipt on top of it.)

Customer: “There, happy now? I went all the way to [Town] to get this piece of paper for you.”

(He sounds as if it was a trip that took hours to get there, and he clearly wants me to say something about it. I just stay neutral and make him a gift card for the price of the book. The man keeps on complaining how he had to travel all the way to get the receipt while I make him the card. Fifteen minutes later, he is back at the counter with a new book and pays with the gift card instead of just exchanging for that in the first place. After they leave, I turn to my coworker who lives in the same town and witnessed both encounters.)

Me: “I really, really, wanted to say to him, ‘Bravo, we do that everyday.'”

“Change” Your Parenting!

, , , , , | | Right | May 31, 2018

A kid comes up to the counter to buy a book. After tax, he’s short by 82 cents. I can see no parent in sight, so I take out my wallet and give him a dollar.

Two minutes later, his mom comes up with the receipt and asks where his change is. I politely explain that I gave him a dollar to cover the remaining amount. All I get is a cold stare as she briskly walks off without saying thank you.


, , , , | | Hopeless | May 31, 2018

(I’m working behind the counter at a bookstore. My mother and severely autistic brother have come in to check my scheduled lunch times so we can meet later. A customer comes up to the counter with a novelty cookbook, called “The Marmite Cookbook.” Marmite is extremely popular in the UK. It is a yeast extract product that you either love or hate. It has an extremely potent taste.)

Brother: “Marmite! Marmite! MARMITE!”

Customer: “I take it that you like marmite, young man?”

Brother: “MARMITE!”

Mother: “Sorry about that; he can get a bit loud when he’s excited.”

Customer: “It’s okay.” *turns to brother* “Do you want to know a secret?”

Brother: “Marmite.” *it’s one of the only three words he likes to say*

Customer: “I love marmite, too!”

(The man proceeds to open his rucksack and he pulls out a bar of chocolate.)

Customer: “Is this okay?”

(My mother nods yes, and turns over the chocolate bar. It’s a marmite chocolate bar, something I have never seen before. My brother throws himself at the man in a hug and my mother starts crying.)

Customer: “Are you okay, ma’am?”

(My mother then explained that my brother had never initiated a hug, in his life. My mum and I both blubbered like babies and thanked the man. Thank you to the kind stranger that took five minutes to speak to my brother, even though at 6’4”, loud. and autistic, people can find him intimidating!)

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