Doesn’t Exactly Hook The Kiddies
Customer: *holds up a copy of Nick Cave’s ‘The Death of Bunny Munro’* “Is this book for children?”
Me: “That’s a dead prostitute on the cover.”
Customer: *blank stare*
Me: “No, ma’am, it really isn’t.”
Putting The High Into Hiring
Customer: *bloodshot eyes and stinking of weed* “Hi. I’m looking for a gardening book.”
Me: “Okay. Our gardening section is right here. Was there are a particular book you were after?”
Customer: “I’m wanting one that teaches you how to grow drugs.”
Bookseller: “Like medicinal herbs? We have a few titles on natural remedies in our health sec—”
Customer: “Nah, I mean like cannabis.”
Bookseller: “Er… there are titles on that subject but they are only sold in our Amsterdam stores. I can’t legally sell them in this country.”
Customer: “Oh, okay. You guys hiring?”
Not In The Best Position(s) To Explain
(We are in a bookshop. I am 12. When we are at checkout, I notice that the store has some little books at the counter. I alert my brother’s attention to one of them.)
Brother: “Mom, what’s the ‘Kama Sutra?'”
Mother: “Put… it… back…”
Me: *grins evilly*
Should Go Back To Primary Level
(I work in a small art and bookshop. We get a lot of students coming in to get supplies.)
Customer: “Hi. I’m starting an art course at the college and I need some brushes.”
Me: “Okay. We have lots to choose from over there.”
(I point to huge rack of brushes to my right full of oil, acrylic, and watercolour brushes.)
Customer: “Oh, I’m not quite…”
Me: “I can help you if you like? What sort of brush are you looking for?”
Customer: “Well, what sort of brushes are the other students buying?”
Me: “It’s up to you really. It’s sort of a personal preference. What do you like to paint with?”
Customer: “Primary colours.”
Me: “…”
(Something told me she probably won’t excel at art college!)
I’ll Drink To That
(I go to a bookstore where I had applied for a job, and ask for the hiring manager. This happens in the cafe while I’m waiting.)
Barista: “Hey, do you want a mocha frappe?”
Me: “Oh, I don’t really have any money on me. Thank you, though.”
Barista: “Nah. I already made one and the customer didn’t want it. Have it. I’d just have to throw it away otherwise.”
Me: “Okay! Thank you so much!”
(She really brightened my mood, and even if she didn’t realize it, she still did something amazing.)