(It is 20 minutes after closing, and I am helping my coworker count the drawers. The phone rings, and typically, by protocol, we do not answer if it is the local area code. However, the area code for this number matches head office’s, so we decide to pick it up if they try calling again. Sure enough, the phone rings a second time with the same number. My coworker picks it up and relays the rest of the conversation to me afterward.)

Coworker: “[Bookstore], [City].”

Customer: “Hi, are you open?”

Coworker: “No, I’m afraid we closed a half hour ago.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, when are you open?”

Coworker: “10 am.”

Customer: “Okay… Can I ask you a question about a book?”

Coworker: “…10 am.”

(He hangs up.)

Coworker: “Next time, I’ll ask them to hold and then pick up the phone at 10 am tomorrow and say, ‘Okay, I can take your question now.’ That’ll show ’em.”

(We close at 3 pm on Saturdays. There’s a small supermarket next door. It’s Saturday, 2:55 pm. A customer walks in.)

Customer: “Hello, I need some help. A friend invited me over to her house, and she has a small child. She told me not to get him anything, but I really think I should. I think I could get a book or a toy.”

(I proceed to show him some nice children’s books, but he’s awfully indecisive and takes a long time deliberating over each one of them. He also wants it super cheap, but good. It’s now 3:10.)

Customer: “I don’t know. This is so hard! Maybe I should get him a toy instead.”

Me: “Well, a toy is also a good option. I have to warn you, though, that they usually come more expensive than books.”

Customer: “You know what? I think I’ll go to [Supermarket] and look at some toys. If I don’t find what I like, I’ll come back here.”

Me: “If you decided to get a toy, that’s fine, but we’re closing. You won’t be able to come back if you change your mind.”

Customer: “No, I’ll go to the supermarket. I’ll come back later.”

Me: “Sir, we’re closing. In fact, we’ve been closed for 10 minutes already.”

(He appeared not to hear a thing I said and walked out of the store. I closed the store. I left some 10 minutes later, and on my way to the bus stop walked past the front doors. There was the same customer, banging on the locked door, with the CLOSED sign on it and the lights out inside, yelling to be let in!)

(I work in a remainder bookstore. We have a notorious customer who comes in few minutes before closing to browse books. She doesn’t buy them. She reserves her browses for months and pays for them even later.)

Customer: “Since you released my reservations, I want you to find my books again. I am buying them today.”

Supervisor: “Sure, why not. After all, we are only closing in two minutes.”

Customer: “Oh, two minutes? Then make it quick!”

Supervisor: *relentlessly fulfills her terrible demands, and getting angrier by the moment* “Would you kindly make your purchases now? We are way past closing time.”

Customer: *suddenly breathes heavily, tearing up and her arms were flailing* “YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DECIDE NOW? I AM YOUR CUSTOMER!” *proceeded to run around the store*

Supervisor: “Miss, please! We will reserve your books and you can come tomorrow.”

Customer: “I can’t come tomorrow! I am very busy! I have a meeting tomorrow and I have to cook for the kids!”

Supervisor: “You can come after your working hours.”

Customer: “No! You can’t make me decide! Don’t do this to me! You can’t make me decide!”

(I am browsing in a well-known book store. There is an employee a few feet away from me currently filling and pricing an entire bookcase by herself. Bypassing the customer service desk right next to me, an angry-looking man storms towards the employee.)

Customer: “You! You need to help me! I’m looking for volume 12 of [Popular New Manga Series] and you need to get it for me!”

Employee: “Oh. Well, all our manga books are just there, where that lady is currently stood.”

Customer: “But I can’t find it! You need to get it for me now!”

Employee: “I’m ever so sorry, but I’m unable to leave these books unattended at the moment. There should be another of my colleagues that might be able to help you find it at the customer service desk which is just ov—”

Customer: “But YOU need to help me! I’ve asked you! My son needs that volume and YOU need to get it for him!”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do for you.”

(The man storms off back in my direction, shouting back at the employee.)

Customer: “Well, you’ve been a TREMENDOUS help! Thanks for nothing, you stupid b****!”

Me: “Hey, there’s absolutely no need for that!”

Customer: “And just what are YOU going to do about it, b****?!”

Me: “Hmmm, I don’t know… Oh, wait. Didn’t I hear you say you were looking for the new volume of [Popular New Manga Series]? Volume 12, wasn’t it?”

Customer: “Yeah? What of it?!”

Me: “Forgive me if I’m wrong, but the book I’m currently holding just happens to be that volume, doesn’t it?”

Customer: “Yes! Where was that?!”

Me: “Exactly where the employee told you it was before you berated her. Such a shame that this is the last copy as well. Seeing as you were such an insufferable d*****bag, you now get to watch me carry it to the checkout and purchase it! Bye!”

(The man screamed at me and the employee for so long that the police were called. The employee actually bought the book for me out of her own pocket as a way of thanking me!)

(An adult shopping for her child picks up a book from the ‘Magic: The Gathering franchise’.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a great one, especially if you play the card game.”

Patron: *looking at the cover* “This art is really cool. What’s it about?”

Me: “That one is about a couple of mages who are working on a inter-dimensional teleporter, and some of the politics surrounding the mage’s school they work at.”

Patron: “Is it… you know… violent?”

Me: “A bit. Nothing you won’t see in any modern action movie though. I’d rate it PG.”

Patron: “Oh, awesome. I’ll take the whole series.”

(We have 20 books in the franchise.)

Me: “Great! So, is your kid into fantasy and magic and such? We have lots of—”

Patron: *gasps* “MAGIC?!”

Me: “… Yeah?”

Patron: “You mean… like WITCHCRAFT?!” *crosses herself and runs out*