(I am working two part-time jobs, at a bakery and a bookstore. Then, the owner of the bookstore offers me a full-time position.)

Owner: “Have you let the bakery know you’re leaving yet?”

Me: “Yes, I stopped by there this morning and gave them my two-weeks’ notice.”

Owner: “Oh, good. Well, I was looking at the numbers and I can’t afford to take you on full-time. All I can give you is 36 hours a week and no benefits.”

(Coincidence that she waited to drop that on me until she knew I’d given my notice? Not a chance.)

Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

Customer: “Three.”

Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

Me: “Um, he’s three?”

Customer: “That’s what I said.”

Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

Me: “How old was he?”

Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

(On Friday and Saturday nights, customers tend to flood the store approximately fifteen minutes before closing. This means that, while I usually walk through the store individually giving people warnings, I have to shout a warning announcement in lieu of an intercom system.)

Me: “Lot of people in the store right now, [Coworker]. Should I walk through the store and use my big voice?”

Coworker: “Uh… your big voice?”

Me: “Oh, you haven’t heard it yet! Yeah, I have a very loud voice that I use to give people their ten or five minute warnings. It doesn’t always work, though.”

Coworker: “You can try it. Do whatever you want.”

(Sure enough, I decide to loudly yet politely announce both ten minute warnings and five minute warnings from the register that can be heard throughout the entire store. Right after the five minute warning, all but one customer files out of the store, so I privately ask the customer to leave and remind her of our opening hours the next morning.)

Coworker: *sees how empty the store* “Wow, your voice worked! Normally we can’t get people out until five to ten after closing!”

Me: “Not bad, huh? Though that means it’s only a 50-50 success rate at the moment.”

Coworker: “What do you mean?”

Me: “Last time I tried it, the customers just stared at me like I had two heads and then returned to looking at books. I had to tell them we couldn’t run any more purchases because we had pulled our drawers, and that got them to leave.”

Coworker: “People. I swear.”

(For eight years I have worked part-time at a bookstore, despite being injured on the job, because I love books so much. I’m not exactly a people person, though. Our latest store manager has had it in for me ever since she showed up, and I’ve been stressed out of my mind for over two years. I take advantage of the departure of the only remaining good manager to put in my two weeks’ notice.)

Store Manager: “Hey, [My Name], is this letter for real?”

Me: “Yes. My last shift will be [date].”

Store Manager: “And the bit here about ‘taking care of my physical and mental health’ – is that for real, or are you just being dramatic?”

Me: “You’ve just made my point for me.”

(I’m a little more broke but a lot more sane now!)

This story is part of our Mental Health Awareness roundup!

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(In college, I work at the bookstore. Students can use their ID cards to make purchases, and the charges would go on their bill with tuition, room and board, etc. If a student attempted to make a purchase with an ID that had been replaced, I would see an error message, and the student would need to use a different method of payment. This happens as I am finishing a transaction.)

Me: “Your total is [total]. How would you like to pay?”

Student: *hands me ID card*

Me: *gets error message that the ID has been lost/stolen* “I’m sorry, but your ID card has been replaced. I need your new ID to process the sale.”

Student: “No, no, no. This is the new ID. I just got it yesterday.”

Me: “This can’t be the new ID because I’m getting an error message that this card has been reported lost or stolen. That message only comes up after you’ve replaced an ID.”

Student: *puts both hands on counter and leans in* “Do you meant to tell me that I somehow managed to lose my original ID, get it replaced, lose the new ID, and then find my old ID without noticing?!”

Me: “Um, yes?”

Student: *agitated* “How is that even possible?!” *storms out*