Customer: “I want to return this book.”

Me: “Okay, do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Our return policy is 14 days with a receipt, so since this is outside of that, I need to call over a manager. If you don’t mind, it will be just a moment.”

Customer: “I don’t care about your policy; just give me my money back.”

Me: “Ma’am, the manager is the only one who can make that call. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I’m double parked outside.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, but there’s nothing I can do.”

(The manager comes over. It’s only been about a minute since the customer walked up to me.)

Customer: “God, finally! I need my money back, and I’m double parked outside, so make it quick!”

Manager: “Well, our usual policy is 14 days with a receipt, but we can occasionally make exceptions—”

Customer: “I just read it yesterday!”

Manager: “Wait, you read the whole book?”

Customer: “Yes, and I hated it! That’s why I’m returning it!”

Manager: “Ma’am, that’s not really how a bookstore works. If everyone just returned books after they were done reading them, we would be a library.”

Customer: “I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Manager: “Well—”

Customer: “—GOD, FINE! Here’s a receipt if you people need it so badly!”

(Customer throws a crumpled, faded receipt at the manager. She catches it and looks at it, shocked.)

Manager: “Ma’am, this receipt is from [Competitor], who went out of business three years ago.”

Customer: “So?”

Manager: “So it’s not even from our store. I can’t give you your money back.”

Customer: *looking out the window, noticing her car is getting a ticket* “Oh my god, I hate this store! I’m never shopping here again!”

Manager: “You never shopped here in the first place!”

(A teenage male comes in and asks for a book. After receiving it, he goes and stands in the middle of an open space, directly in my line of sight, and starts fidgeting and wiggling. He hasn’t checked out yet.)

Him: “I’m not stealing anything, I swear.”

(He’s been in my eyesight the whole time he’s been in the store and I know he hasn’t touched anything. The only books he passed by are huge coffee table books that he couldn’t hide in his current possessions.)

Me: “I know you haven’t.”

Him: “Well, I won’t. I swear. I’ll keep my hands right here!”

(He thrusts his hands in his pockets, but only lasts a second before taking them back out and fidgeting around some more – hands in his hair, messing with his shirt, etc.)

Me: “Do I need to be worried?”

Him: “No, no… I’m just standing here because if I don’t… I’ll… do things.”

Me: “Things?”

Him: “Bad things…”

(After about five minutes his dad came in and bought him a book on black magic. The kid said thank you and left. No inventory was missing.)

(A customer drives up to the store, gets out, comes in, and walks directly up to the counter without looking at a single book or item for sale. Before I can even welcome him…)

Customer: “You are going to lose your job.”

Me: *shocked* “I am?”

Customer: “No one likes books anymore. Your store is going to shut down and you’ll be out of a job.”

(He turned around, walked out without looking at a single item, jumped in his car, and left.)

(I answer the phone on a busy day.)

Me: “Hello, [Bookstore]. How may I help you?

Customer: “Hello. Can you tell me if [Competitor] has [Book]?”

Me: “Er… well, I don’t know about [Competitor] but I can tell you that our store has it in stock.”

Customer: “You’re downtown, aren’t you?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well that won’t do. I’m not going downtown; I live much closer to [Competitor]. Find out if they have it!”

(If she managed to find our phone number, how hard would it have been to find their number?!)

(I am about 15, and am just starting to get into drawing, so I usually carry some paper around with me on a clipboard. However, the clipboard has just broken, so I am using a thick book as a hard surface to draw on. Without thinking, I take my stack of paper and the book into the bookstore at the mall, and buy a comic book.)

Cashier: “Hey, you can’t bring another book in here!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I forgot I had it with me.”

(I hand her my money. She starts to put my comic book in a bag.)

Me: “That’s okay. I won’t need a bag, thanks.”

(I start to take the comic book out of the bag. She grabs it from me and slams it back into the bag along with my receipt.)

Cashier: “Yes, you DO! Everyone leaves here with a bag! Now TAKE IT!”