(I am working the tablet display counter when a man walks in with his wife.)

Customer: “So, what’s the difference between these two tablets?”

Me: “This one has a faster processor and is better for playing video games or watching movies.”

Customer: “Good, because I’ll need the larger screen to watch all that po-… uh, party supplies…”

(At this, I can’t keep it together. The wife promptly collects her husband and leaves. As they’re leaving, he says…)

Customer: “I wanted to look at party supplies, honest…”

Cashier: “Will these books be all for you today?”

Me: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Well, you have a very Merry Christma—”

(The cashier peers at my Star of David necklace with Hebrew engraving.)

Cashier: “—AND I hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah!”

(The cashier then waves to everyone waiting in line to get their attention.)

Cashier: “Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Joyous Kwanzaa, Spiritually Fullfilling Equinox, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!”

(The whole line applauds and laughs.)

Me: “That was awesome!”

Cashier: “I know that Happy Holidays covers everything, but wouldn’t it be awesome if I knew all of them just in case?!”

See this story as a comic!

(It’s Christmas Eve and I’m working until close. It’s been a very busy day, and I’m not exactly thinking clearly. I’m a girl in my early 20s, generally considered somewhat attractive, as I’m tall and thin with a rather large chest. A young handsome guy approaches the register with a friend, having a conversation in French.)

Me: “Hi there! Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

Customer: “Yes…” *he leans in close to me, over the counter* “Uh, Playboy have you done, no?”

(I blink at him in surprise for a few seconds. My immediate reaction is to take off my Santa hat, worried it somehow makes me look scantily dressed.)

Me: “I, erm, no, erm, what?”

Customer: “Playboy. Magazine. Have you?”

Me: *realizing* “Oh! Oh, no, no, we don’t carry that.”

(He thanks me and we finish the transaction. A coworker, who overheard, leans over to me:)

Coworker: “It’s the Santa hat.”

(Two women approach my till.)

Woman: “Do you have books on dying and grieving?”

Me: “Yes, of course. Right this way.”

(I take her and her friend to our psychology section where at the top there are books on death and dying. The women look at each other awkwardly.)

Woman: “Umm… we said dyeing and weaving.”

(I promptly took them to our crafts section, apologizing the whole way!)

(It’s just after Christmas:)

Customer: “Hi, do you have [popular diet book]?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we have no copies left in store. It is on order and more will arrive in mid-January, if you can wait that long.”

Customer: “Sure, that’s fine. I have a lot of chocolate to eat before then anyways.”