Bought It For Thirty Silver Pieces

| WA, USA | Romantic | December 29, 2016

(I am shopping with my girlfriend and see a selection of candles similar to saint candles, but with secular figures. I remember something that happened in her bathroom last time I was there. She lives with three other women.)

Me: “That reminds me, what was with the saint candle in the bathroom last time I visited? It really creeped me out but I didn’t want to be invasive or disrespectful about one of your roommates’ religious beliefs.”

Girlfriend: “Didn’t you see who it was?”

Me: “No, I tried to ignore it.”

Girlfriend: “It was Judas. [Roommate] bought it as a joke.”

(I should have figured, given there isn’t a Catholic in the apartment.)

The Advent Of A New Christmas Tradition

| MI, USA | Related | December 26, 2016

(A mother and small boy are looking at a Christmas display.)

Mother: “Look, an Advent calendar. Do you remember what we do with these?”

Boy: “Open them all at once and pretend we didn’t?”

Not An Award-Winning Business Plan

| Finland | Working | December 22, 2016

(My dad usually leaves Christmas shopping till the last minute, and this year is no exception. I’m home cleaning when my dad calls me from the bookstore.)

Dad: “I didn’t find [a book about a very popular tv show] or [this year’s national literature award winner] for Mom. Do you have any idea what else she could want?”

Me: “I can’t come up with anything on short notice. Seriously, they have none of the [award winner]? That should sell a lot, especially before Christmas, so I can’t imagine them not having it. Have you asked for help? Maybe you just missed it?”

Dad: “I haven’t asked. I guess I’ll do it.”

(Later, Dad comes home.)

Me: “Did you get something for Mom?”

Dad: “Yeah, but I’m not really happy with it.”

Me: “Why? You didn’t get what you were looking for?”

Dad: “I didn’t. I asked. After [award winner] sold out, they have ordered some. For people who ask them to order it. No extras to put on the shelf. Of a book that is so popular that it sold out. Before Christmas.”

(I’m a bit curious about the business plan of this bookstore.)

Wasn’t So Secret After All

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | December 16, 2016

Customer: “There was a book on this table two months ago. It was black and said ‘FBI’ in red on the cover.”

Me: “Yes, I know that one.”

(I grab a copy of “Secrets of the FBI” and hand it to her.)

Customer: “No, not this one.”

Me: “Really? Because that’s the only book in the store that’s black and says ‘FBI’ in red on the cover. Also, it was featured on this table two months ago.

Customer: No, it was a different one.

(I pull up the list of books from that table two months ago.)

Me: That was the only book about the FBI on that table two months ago.

Customer: NO, it was a DIFFERENT ONE. You’re not LISTENING.

(Customer storms off, complains to a different employee about me not finding the correct book.)

Coworker: “I think I remember that book, wasn’t it ‘Secrets of the FBI’?”

Customer: “NO! NO! NO! GOD!”

(Five minutes later, while she’s leaving the store.)

Customer: “THIS IS WHY PEOPLE SHOP ON AMAZON!”

(About an hour later, we get a phone call from someone who sounds suspiciously like this woman.)

Customer: “Yes, can I reserve a copy of the book ‘Secrets of the FBI’?”

No Point Moping About The Mopping

| GA, USA | Working | December 10, 2016

(I have returned to work after a minor surgery and my boss has returned to work after a week off of work due to chronic pain and other health issues. A customer had just spilled a soft drink all over the floor and I have brought the mop out.)

Boss: *reaching for the mop handle* “Give me this. You should go sit down.”

Me: *pulling the handle away from her* “No, ma’am. You go back to your office.”

Boss: “I said give! You are still recovering and have no business mopping.”

Me: “Let go and go back to your office! I’ve got this.”

Boss: “Young lady, I am 67 years old and you will do what I say.”

Me: “Well, I’m 32 and I am going to mop. I’m not going to risk you falling. Go sit down.”

Coworker: “Will you two stop? I’m 27. Give me the d*** mop.”

(My boss and I realized sheepishly that we have been yelling and playing tug of war with the mop in front of customers. We handed the mop to my coworker and departed to our offices.)

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