Should Try Neurotica Instead

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading, Rude & Risque

(I am working at the customer service booth at a bookstore when a woman approaches with a young child.)

Customer: “I’m looking for—” *mumbles*

Me: “I’m sorry, could you say that again, please? I had a hard time hearing you.”

Customer: “I said—” *mumbles*

Me: “I’m sorry, please speak up a little more.”

Customer: *annoyed* “Didn’t you hear me the first time? I need it now!”

Me: “I didn’t hear you, that’s why I need you to speak a little louder, ma’am—”

Customer: “EROTICA! I said I want erotica! I need to have sex with the book!”

Me: “Well, our adult romance section is upstairs. I could lead you over there.”

Customer: *talking normally in a cheerful voice* “That’s okay, thanks.” *to kid* “You go get the condoms and meet me upstairs, okay?”

Kid: “Okay, mommy.”

(They split up, leaving me speechless. Another customer approaches.)

Me: “Can I help you find something, sir?”

Man: *mocking the crazy lady* “Cookbooks! I’m hungry and I want to eat the book!”

Me: “Our cookbooks are right next to adult romance. Let me bring you up there and introduce you to another customer…”

The Book Of Buffy

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Movies & TV, Religion

(A customer overhears me talking to a customer/friend:)

Me: “…died but then was resurrected again.”

(I notice her hovering so I stop talking and ask her if she needs help.)

Customer: “I’m in no rush, Are you explaining the bible to her?”

Me: “Uh, no. Buffy.”

Customer: *looks bewildered* “Who?”

The Difference Between Hard And Soft Reading Habits

| Dallas, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work at a bookstore where we regularly receive phone calls at the information desk for books to be put on hold. We usually ask for the title and go locate whatever copies we have and then call the customer back. This teenage-sounding boy has asked for a book that’s on many high school reading lists and I have gone and gotten the hardback and paperback versions and am calling back to see which he would prefer:)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], this is [My Name] calling you back from [Store]. I was able to locate a hardback and paperback of Lord of the Flies and was wondering which you would like to be put on hold?”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “The paperback is only 1.50 but the larger hardback, which would leave you more room to write in, if this is for a class, is 5.00.”

Customer: “And when you say paperback, what do you mean?”

Me: “Um… it has a paper cover rather than a hard one and is a smaller version of the book.”

Customer: “So, like, it doesn’t have an actual cover?”

Me: “No, it does. It just happens to be a paper cover rather than a hardback.”

Customer: “So, is it like plastic?”

(This goes on for quite a while, while I attempt to come up with different ways to describe a paperback, which is harder to do than you think. Finally he says—)

Customer: “Okay, just forget it. Thank you.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I mean, the paperback is only 1.50.”

Customer: “I’m just not getting what you’re trying to tell me.”

Me: “How about I just put them both on hold and you can come look yourself?”

Customer: “Great!” *hangs up*

(I wish I could have been there when he saw what we were debating over.)

Don’t Appreciate The Lack Of Appreciation

| Randers, Denmark | Bad Behavior, Books & Reading

(After spending nearly 20 minutes summarizing the plot of various crime novels from memory, because the customer doesn’t want to read the back covers, I finally convince her to choose a book to purchase.)

Customer: “If I don’t like it, I’m coming back here to yell at you!”

Me: *confused, but using my cheery work voice* “Well, if you do like it, I hope you come back and let me know!”

Customer: “Why would I do that?”

(Apparently being mean is worth the trip, but being appreciative isn’t.)

Now Sauron Knows!

| UK | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(A customer calls the store.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Great! Could I ask what it is you’re looking for, please?”

(The woman gives an incredibly vague description of the book which can be summed up as “having a black cover at some point during its publication, and it may or may not be fiction.”)

Me: “If you could be a little more specific, miss, I may be able to help.”

Customer: “I can’t tell you the name of the book because then you’ll know why I want it, and you aren’t allowed to know.”

Me: *thinking this sounded quite odd* “I’m not in the slightest bit interested in why you want the book. I’m only interested in what it is called.”

Customer: “THEN YOU’LL KNOW!”

(This goes around in circles for a couple minutes, with the customer sounding more irate, and me losing my patience.)

Me: “Miss, I honestly cannot help you if you cannot provide more details on the book you’re enquiring about. Your description covers literally thousands of titles.”

Customer: “Thousands?!”

Me: “Yes. If you cannot offer anything else, then there is little point in continuing and I’ll will have to hang up.”

Customer: “It’s… it’s called…The Hobbit.”

(I already know we have it in stock, as I put it out on the shelves that morning. Before I can respond however:)

Customer: “You see?! Now you know! I’m going to have to look elsewhere now. THANKS FOR NOTHING!” *hangs up*

Me: *staring at the receiver* “What the f***?”

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