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The Upstairs Does Not Register

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

Customer: “Can I pay for this here?”

Employee: “No, you check out downstairs.”

Customer: *looks terrified* “Is… is this not a bookstore? Can I not buy this?”

Employee: “You can buy it… The registers are downstairs, though.”

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Black Books Matter

| ON, Canada | Bigotry, Books & Reading

Supervisor: “[Bookstore], this is [Supervisor]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m hoping you can put a book on hold for me.”

Supervisor: “Sure! What’s the title?”

Customer:To Kill A Mockingbird. With all this Black Lives Matter crap going on, I need to teach my daughter how to be more tolerant of it and I figure this book will help.”

Supervisor: “Oh… kay. Sure. I’ll put that aside for you. Have a good day.”

(As she puts the books aside for the woman, she turns to me with her eyes wide, and relays the conversation to me.)

Supervisor: “How… is that book going to help her? I… feel like her daughter isn’t the one that needs a bit of a lesson on tolerance.”

Me: *noticing ‘Charlotte’s Web’ is also a part of this woman’s pile* “Maybe this one will teach her daughter how to be more tolerant of pigs such as her?”

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They’re A Few Chapters Short Of A Novel

| New Orleans, LA, USA | Bizarre, Books & Reading

(A woman walks into the store and looks around as though she’s lost and confused.)

Me: “Hello, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “What kind of store is this?”

Me: *looks around at books everywhere* “Um, this is a bookstore.”

Customer: *looks amazed and points to the books on the shelf nearest* “So, these… are books?”

Me: *a bit confused* “Yes.”

(I keep an eye on the woman as she wanders deeper into the store, looking around bewildered. She stops as she approaches the counter toward the back of the store and points to our sign that reads “More Books This Way” with an arrow pointing upstairs.)

Customer: “MORE BOOKS?!”

Me: “Yes, we have children’s books and board games upstairs.”

(The customer looked at me for a second.)

Customer: *yelling* “I CAN’T HANDLE IT!” *runs out the front door*

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The Moon Is In Need Of A Reboot

| Iowa City, IA, USA | Bizarre

Customer: “Where are your books about conspiracies? I’m looking for an author named David Icke.”

Me: *showing him the section* “They’re here, in Cultural Studies.”

Customer: “I love reading about conspiracies. I never watch TV, you know, because it turns off part of your brain.”

(The customer proceeds to describe a number of increasingly unbelievable conspiracy theories.)

Customer: “…and the government built a weather control machine in Alaska, and they’re doing all kinds of crazy things with it. Do you know anything about this author? What does he write about?”

Me: “Well, as I understand it, he claims our reality is an illusion projected by the moon, which is really a computer built by lizard people who rule the world.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know about that lizard people stuff. That seems a little far-fetched.”

(After about an hour of looking through them, he proceeds to buy a stack of David Icke books.)

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In Line And Out Of Line, Part 15

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I’m a cashier and there’s a line of about 20 people at the registers. I’m helping my current customer when I see a man out of the corner of my eye. He spots the line, scowls, and then walks to the front of the line and smirkingly steps in front of the woman who is at the front of the line.)

Woman: “HEY!”

Man: *as my current customer walks away* “I’m next!”

(As he starts to walk up to my register, I deliberately look past him and say:)

Me: “Ma’am, I can help you next!”

(He stops, a look of confusion on his face as the woman steps around him.)

Man: “But I was next! What about me?!”

Me: “Sir, I just watched you cut in line. If you want to be helped, you’ll go to the back of the line and be helped when it’s actually your turn.”

(I help the lady get rung up, but I have a feeling about this guy so I keep watching him out of the corner of my eye. As she goes on her way, the guy, who hasn’t budged, steps right up to my register and plunks his books down.)

Man: “I’m. Next. I have a movie that’s going to start in a few minutes.”

Me: “You and everybody else.”

Man: *shoves a $10 bill at me* “Ring me up right now, and you can have this.”

(I then take his books off the counter and set them aside.)

Me: “You’re welcome to dance this dance with me, sir, but before you say another word, consider that there are twenty more people that you just cut in front of. So before I take this ten from you, I suggest you offer ten dollars to every OTHER person you just cut in front of.”

Man: “There’s no way I’m putting out that much money!”

Me: “Then I’m not letting you cut.”

Next Customer In Line: “Hey, a**-hole. We all learned how to wait in line in kindergarten. What’s your excuse?”

(The man snatched up his $10 and stomped to the back of the line.)

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 14
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 13
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12

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