(I’m an author doing a book signing in a shop. I’m female with an obviously female name. The name is also on the book. There’s also a large poster with my name and photo on it.)

Customer: “When’s he going to get here?”

Me: “Who?”

Customer: “The author.”

Me: “I’m the author.”

Customer: “But, you’re a woman.”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Oh, I get it. You’re one of them pseudonym things.”

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(I want to walk into a retail store. There is a customer of my age (around 22) standing in front of the door. It won’t open for her.)

Customer: “Alohomora!”

(The door opens as I walk closer.)

Customer: “Ha! Works!”

(She goes in and I follow her. This is a little store with not much space to wander around. A customer is trying to reach something on the highest shelf.)

Customer: “Accio!”

(I shake the shelf a little so the item she wants falls into her arms.)

Customer: “Whoa! It really does work!”

(We proceed to the register, and she pays and leaves. I am in line behind her. When I get out of the store, she’s already there, standing by her car. A policeman is there, too, writing her a ticket.)

Customer: “Oh, but I really just went in for a minute! I didn’t see the sign!”

Policeman: “I’m sorry, miss, there’s nothing I can do. You broke the law by parking here.”

(The customer stares at him blankly, and then glances at me.)

Me: “I think the word you’re looking for is ‘Imperio’!”

(I sell e-readers at a book store.)

Customer: “How much do books cost in this thin thing?”

Me: “Here’s a list of new releases on the e-reader. This book is $14.99.”

Customer: “Is that hardcover or paperback?”

(A customer approaches the information desk at a large chain bookstore.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’m looking for the non-fiction section.”

Me: “Could you be more specific?”

Customer: “The non-fiction section.”

Me: “Well, the non-fiction section includes computers, travel, art, poetry, religion, health, biographies, beauty, and many other topics. It’s 60% of the store. Is there one area of non-fiction you are looking for?”

(The customer begins to walk in a circle.)

Customer: “I think I will just look around.”

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Customer: “Hello, do you have any of the new Twilight books?”

Me: “Yes, they’re over here.”

(I lead her to where they would be, but we appear to be sold out. This is strange as all copies were put up this morning.)

Me: “That’s strange. We seem to be out of stock. Can I interest you in anything else?”

Customer: “Ugh, fine. What about this one?”

(They point towards ‘Harry Potter’.)

Me: “Oh, that’s a great book! It’s about a boy who becomes a wizard and-”

Customer: “Are there any werewolves?”

Me: “I think so. I haven’t read them in a while.”

(The customer grabs the entire series of ‘Harry Potter’ and leaves. As I’m about to return to my workstation, two teens run up to me, high-five each other, and tell me they hid all seventy copies of ‘Twilight’ in the ceiling when no one was looking. Although impressed, I have to report them to my manager. After doing so, my manager gives them each a $10 gift card.)