We’ll Always Have The Thought Of Paris

, , , | Romantic | February 6, 2018

(I am about eight months pregnant. I’m carrying small, and from the back, if you can’t see my belly, I don’t look pregnant at all. Plus, my body is giving me a pregnancy advantage: cleavage. To top it all off, my hair and skin have never looked better. I’m sitting behind my desk, working Friday evening store hours, when another bookstore owner, who is also a customer of ours, comes in. I haven’t met him before, but my store owner tells me he’s recently divorced — and a big flirt, which is one of the things that led to his divorce.)

Customer: “I’m going to fly to Paris next weekend!”

Me: “That sounds terrific! Have a wonderful time.”

Customer: “Have you ever been to Paris?”

Me: “No, I haven’t.”

Customer: “You should come to Paris with me! I’ve been several times. I’ll show you all the sights! It’s a beautiful city; very romantic. We’ll have a fabulous time.” *sits on the front edge of my desk, leaning in suggestively*

Me: “Oh, I don’t think so. My doctor says it wouldn’t be a good idea for me to fly. I’m not even able to go to Israel later this month with my husband.”

(I push my chair back to get some space from him and stand up.)

Customer: *awkward pause, and then turns to my boss* “Are the bindings still up on the second floor?”

A Non-Affair To Remember

, , , | Romantic | January 27, 2018

(I am a 30-year-old female. A male customer, some 15 to 20 years older than me, has been hitting on me and I have politely turned him down. A week later he comes back in to pick up a book he’d ordered.)

Customer: “I wasn’t asking you to marry me and have my children. I just thought you might like to be my mistress!”

Will Not Be The Highlight Of Your Day

, , , | Right | January 15, 2018

Customer: *comes up to cash desk with a return* “Hi. I’d like to return this book.”

Me: “No problem! I should be able to do that for you!” *takes book and receipt*

(Upon flipping through it I notice that many things in the book have been highlighted.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t return this for you today. There are things highlighted in it.” *I show her the highlighted sections*

Customer: “Well, I didn’t do that!”

Me: “Regardless of who has done it, ma’am, I cannot return this item. It’s not in re-sellable condition.”

Customer: “Well, I probably bought it from [Different Location] like that!”

Me: “While I don’t know if that’s the case, I still can’t return it for you. Perhaps give it as a gift to someone else if you no longer need it?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!” *snatches book and receipt back* “I’m going to go back to [Different Location] and return it! They’ll do it for me!”

Me: “You’re more than welcome to, ma’am, but we are part of the same company and have the same rules. So, I doubt they will do that for you.”

Customer: *gives me a death glare and leaves*

Me: *sigh* “And I just started my day, too.”

Too Young For “It,” Never Too Young For Reading

, , , , , | Friendly | September 24, 2017

(I go to my local bookstore for the next installment of a series I’m currently reading. I find my book quickly and decide to browse the rest of the “Newly Released” shelves. The following two interactions happen within minutes of each other. A mother and high school-aged daughter stand beside me to look at the new releases.)

Mother: “Oh! I heard these two were both good!”

(I glance over and see she’s holding copies of “Everything, Everything” and “Before I Fall” for her daughter to see.)

Daughter: “Nah, I saw the movies already; I don’t need to read the books.”

Me: *eye twitches*

(Ten minutes later, a girl is walking by with her mother. She spots a display for Stephen King’s “IT” and runs over excitedly.)

Girl: “This one! I want to read this one!” *starts to pick up a copy*

Mom: “Oh, no! You don’t want that book. It’s scary!”

Girl: “But I like scary!”

Mom: “You’re too young to read that; put it back.”

Girl: *slowly puts the book down and glances over at me*

Me: *giving her a thumbs-up* “When you’re old enough to read it, you’ll love it!”

Girl: *smiles and follows her mother to the register*

(Faith lost a little and then restored in under twenty minutes!)

Exclusive To One Person Gets You Excluded

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2017

(I answer the phone over the lunch break at work. The CFL is the Canadian Football League.)

Customer: “Hi, I want to talk to the lady I talked to before about the CFL.”

Me: “I’m afraid it wasn’t me, but do you have the name of the person who was helping you?”

Customer: *snapping at me* “I don’t keep track of names!”

Me: “Okay, did you call earlier today?”

Customer: “No. It was like a month ago or something. Just find her for me.”

Me: “If it was that long ago, I really don’t know who that might be.”

Customer: “Well, just ask around!”

(I put him on hold and ask my coworkers at the desk. None of them remember talking to him.)

Me: “No one I spoke to seems to be the lady who you spoke with before.”

Customer: “Did you ask everyone?”

Me: “Well, sir, we have around thirty staff members. I don’t know which one might have spoken to you.”

Customer: “Oh, so, you’re like a big company then. Are they all there today?”

Me: “No. There are only about ten here today, and it’s lunch time, so there are only about five people available.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, my name is [Name] and my phone number is [number]. I want to talk to her about ordering a CFL playbook.”

Me: “Oh, all right. Could I possibly help you with that?”

Customer: “NO! I only want to talk to her!”

Me: “…All right, then. I’ll post a note with your contact information. Have a nice day.”

(The note is currently still sitting there, untouched.)

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