Ask Me Again And I’ll Tell You The Same

, , , , , , | | Learning | June 19, 2019

(I am working the textbook buyback at the end of the semester, which understandably makes the students grouchy when they get next to nothing for their expensive books. While I am sympathetic to their emotions, there are still regulations we have to follow when it comes to the condition of books we can accept. A customer approaches my counter, placing on the counter a textbook that has clearly been dropped in a puddle at some point. It is very obviously shriveled by water damage.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we won’t be able to take back this book.”

Customer: “Why? This was an expensive book!”

Me: “It’s got very obvious water damage. We’re not allowed to resell books to students if they’re in this kind of condition. I’m really sorry.”

Customer: “I’m not leaving without my money for this book.”

(At this moment the wholesale book representative, who helps during this time of year, sees the situation unfolding and steps in to help.)

Representative: “Ma’am, I overheard everything this employee said to you. They explained the university’s standards adequately when it comes to textbook condition.”

Customer: “I got it off the shelf like that!”

Representative: “While I personally don’t believe that, you have no way of proving it.”

Customer: “Here’s the receipt!”

Representative: “That just shows when you purchased the book at the beginning of the semester. And if you look at the bottom, it explains there the conditions on buying and reselling books in this store.”

Customer: “Wait, do you even work here? I’ve never seen you here before!”

Representative: “I’m a representative of the [Book Company], to help the student employees with any… difficulties that may arise during the buyback session.”

Customer: “I want to– No, I demand to talk to a manager who actually works here!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go get the textbook manager.”

(I walk away from the counter, where the representative is still explaining the buyback conditions. I go into the office of the textbook department manager, where his desk is already stacked with books and paperwork. Apologizing for interrupting his backlog, I explain the situation. Sighing, he follows me back to the front of the store, where the customer and the representative are still arguing.)

Textbook Manager: “As my employee pointed out to you, and as the wholesale representative pointed out, we cannot take a book back in this condition.”

(To summarize, the customer goes on how she drove over 60 miles from her hometown to sell this book back to us. She tells us about some hardships in her life, which we feel sympathy for, but have no relevance to our refusing to take back a water-damaged book. She still insists she bought the book that way.)

Textbook Manager: “Is there anything else we can help you with?”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “I’m on it.”

(I make my way back to the bookstore manager, who not only oversees the textbook sales, but is also currently occupied by school apparel and memorabilia. Once again, I explain the situation. Groaning, he follows me up to the storefront.”

Bookstore Manager: “As my employee said, as the representative said, as my textbook manager said, and what I say is that our university policy prohibits us from accepting back a book in this poor of a condition. Plus, do you really think a student would buy something that’s like this?”

Customer: “I would!”

Bookstore Manager: “We refuse to take back this textbook.”

Customer: *some kind of noise*

Bookstore Manager: “No, ma’am, it’s non-negotiable. Now, unless there’s something else we can help you with, I’d like to ask you to leave the store.”

Customer: “I’m going to the president’s office to file a complaint against this store! You’re on notice!”

Bookstore Manager: “If that’s what you want to do, go ahead. Now, please leave the store.”

Customer: *more noise*

Bookstore Manager: “Ma’am, please don’t make me call university security to escort you out.”

Customer: “You know what? You can just f****** keep this book!”

(The customer tries to throw the textbook at us, but it falls onto the countertop and some pages fall out. Dumbfounded, we watch as the customer storms out of the store. She suddenly stops right outside the doors and turns around.)

Customer: “F*** you!”

(We never heard from the university president’s office. For the rest of my employment at the bookstore, this story would come up as an example for the new employees training for buyback. Apparently, even after I graduated, this was still a horror story the trainees would whisper to each other in the safety of the break room.)

Sick Burn

, , , , | | Right | May 29, 2019

(A woman walks up to my counter with a saucepan. The aluminum core has been melted out of the base of the pan. She explains to me that she burned the pan and she wants to get it replaced.)

Me: “Oh, good timing! They’re on sale right now!”

Customer: “No, I just want to trade it for a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t replace the pan for that.”

Customer: “I don’t understand. Isn’t it covered by the warranty?”

Me: “No, the warranty doesn’t cover that.”

Customer: “Why doesn’t the warranty cover that?”

Me: “Well, the warranty only covers flaws in the pan, like if the handle falls off, or there’s a funny spot on the finish right out of the box.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why this isn’t covered!”

Me: “The warranty doesn’t cover burning the pan.”

Customer: “Well, my friend had it happen and they gave her a new pan.”

Me: “I’m sorry. We’re not supposed to do that. The warranty doesn’t cover that.”

Customer: *getting very frustrated with me* “Well, I just don’t understand why the warranty doesn’t cover it!”

Me: “The warranty only covers manufacturer’s mistakes. It doesn’t cover burning the pan because you. Did. It. To. The. Pan.”

(The customer took her pan and huffed out the door.)

Bridget Jones Having A Baby Doesn’t Mean You Can Bring Yours

, , , , | Right | March 10, 2019

(The movie “Bridget Jones’ Baby” has just come out. It’s an adult movie full of crude jokes and innuendos, swearing, and several sex scenes; it’s rated R. Anyone under 17 must be accompanied by an adult into an R-rated movie, and children under six aren’t allowed at all. I am an usher, and I’m coming back from a theater check when my manager informs me that a couple is taking their child into the Bridget Jones movie. I walk in after them. The movie has yet to start, as they are very early, and the lights aren’t even down yet. The couple is standing there, getting settled, with their infant in a stroller. I approach the mother that’s standing with the child.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss. You can’t have your child in here. This is an R-rated movie, and children under six are not allowed.”

Husband: *jokingly… I think* “Well, then he’s six now, isn’t he?”

Wife: “But he’s just a baby.”

Me: “Yes, but he’s under six, and we can’t allow children under six in an R-rated movie.”

Wife: “But we should be allowed to dictate what he can watch, anyway; we’re his parents.”

Me: “Yes, but this movie is still inappropriate for young children, and our policy does not allow children under six from being in this showing.”

Husband: “He’s just a baby. He won’t even understand what’s going on.”

Me: “Maybe so, sir. But he is still under six, and still not allowed in an R-rated movie like this.”

Wife: “But we already bought our tickets and food and everything. Besides, he’s just going to nap through it. He’s just a baby.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. But he’s still under six. If you’d like, our manager can switch your tickets for another movie so you can take your child. But you can’t watch this movie with him.”

Husband: “But we couldn’t get a babysitter for our date, so we just took him. He’s just a baby.”

Me: “My apologies. If you would just come with me out of the theater, we can get you a ticket for another movie, instead, since we cannot have children under six in this theater.”

(Eventually, I got them to leave the theater, still muttering. They immediately went to my manager and b**** about me, about our rules, and about the fact they apparently couldn’t bear to reschedule their movie date to take care of their baby. They were given comp tickets for a later date, since they REALLY didn’t want to change movies, and left, still wondering why they couldn’t have an infant in a rated-R movie.)

Unfiltered Story #141239

, , , | Unfiltered | February 19, 2019

(I work in a call center where I take inbound calls to enroll people in our service, as well as provide support to current and previous customers.)

Caller: I recently enrolled with you, but my service hasn’t gone active, so I want to check the status of my account.

Me: (after gathering the customer’s info and pulling up their account) Okay, it seems your enrollment was rejected because we were informed you don’t live at the address you want to receive our service at. I’d be happy to confirm everything and resubmit your information to get your service started.

Caller: Oh…I did move around that time, so I guess I gave you my old info.

Me: No problem! I can definitely get everything updated and corrected so I can resubmit it and get service started.

(At this point, I attempt to start verifying information and correcting the incorrect information that was previously provided, but the caller is being difficult throughout it).

Caller: I don’t understand why my service didn’t go active. I got a confirmation number after I enrolled!

Me: Ma’am, that confirmation number is simply the number attached to the recording of your phone call, in which our computer verbally recites each piece of information you provided about yourself and asks you to verify that we correctly entered the information you provided us, as well as confirming that you are verbally agreeing to be our customer, and that you agree to our terms of service. We had no way of knowing you didn’t actually live at the address you provided us until we actually attempted to establish the service there.

Caller: But I got a confirmation number! I don’t understand.

Me: Again ma’am, that number simply confirms that you have verified that we correctly entered in the information as you provided it to us.

Caller: Someone should have called me!

Me: Ma’am, I apologize that didn’t happen, but I’d be happy to get everything corrected now.

Caller: So you’re saying this is all my fault?!

Me: (no..I’m only thinking it) Ma’am I apologize that your enrollment was rejected, but I’d be happy to correct everything.

Caller: But this isn’t fair! Why are you blaming this all on me? I want my service with you backdated!

(Basically, because the company that she’s currently receiving service from currently is more expensive, she wants our pricing to be retroactive…so she can have our pricing instead for those months…when she wasn’t actually receiving our service during that time and was still someone else’s customer. confused yet?)

Me: …Ma’am, I’m sorry but that’s just not possible.

Caller: Why not?! I enrolled on XX/XX/XXXX date, so I want the agreed price for that time! The other company is too expensive and that’s why I wanted your service instead of theirs!

Me: Ma’am, I’m sorry but I can’t undo the past. They already provided the service.

Caller: I can’t believe you won’t do anything about this! You should’ve called me! Why are you blaming this all on me?

Me: Ma’am, I apologize again and I’d be happy to correct your info so we can begin providing service to you and getting you our lower price.

Caller: I’m done! You certainly did not provide 5 star customer service today and I can’t believe you won’t do anything to help. Goodbye! (customer hangs up)

Me to the sound of a disconnected call: *sigh* You have a great day, ma’am.

Unfiltered Story #131649

, , , | Unfiltered | December 8, 2018

Customer: “These dips look the same, but I know they must be different because they’re not the same price.”
Me: “Actually, they are both Spinach Artichoke (as it says on the label). The prices are different because it’s sold by the pound.”
Customer: “…what does that mean?”
Me: O_o

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