Yacht Would You Like For Breakfast?

, , , , | Friendly | March 8, 2019

(My friend has a boat that’s currently on dry land, as we are doing some essential winter repairs. I’ve just reconnected all the cabling for the ship-to-shore radio, which hasn’t functioned properly for months due to some old cables that needed to be replaced. We settle down with anticipation for the first test of the radio, a simple call to the nearby marina, asking for a radio check. The marina we call up has a slight reputation for being a bit stuffy and straight-laced.)

Me: “Calling [Marina], this is [Yacht], just asking for a radio check, please. Over.”

(There’s ten seconds of silence, during which my friend’s face falls, until:)

Marina: “Good morning, [Yacht]. We’re receiving you, but just to let you know, there’s a lot of static; it sounds like you’re frying eggs and bacon in the background. Over.”

(That’s probably due to a weak connection somewhere, but we’re just glad it worked the first time!)

Me: “Thank you, [Marina]. We’ll stop cooking breakfast as soon as possible. Over.

Marina: “Three orders of eggs and chips, please, [Yacht]. Over and out.”

(I finally managed to clear up the issues with the static, but these mad little moments are to be treasured!)

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Unfiltered Story #122766

, , , | Unfiltered | October 9, 2018

(I am working on a boat that gives narrated tours of on our local river. We have a captain who drives the boat, and I am the “first mate.” It is my responsibility to take tickets from customers before rides, get the boat off the dock, and narrate the tour. The tickets for the rides are sold at a building just across the parking lot from the boat. Normally, the customers hand me the tickets they pay for up at the other building for me to take, but our ticketing system frequently malfunctions, so sometimes the cashiers at the building have them use their receipts as a proof purchase. I see a woman in her mid to late forties walking towards the boat with her mother who appears to be in her seventies. The two approach me so I prepare to greet them and take their tickets.)

Me: “Hi there, ladies! How are you doing today?”

Daughter: “I’m doing good.”

(She then hands me money that is enough for the price of two adult tickets.)

Daughter: “This is for the two of us.” *points to her mom*

(The first thing that I think is that the computers aren’t working.)

Me: “Oh, are the tickets not working again?” *usually the cashiers call down to the boat if something like that happens*

(The daughter’s eyes go wide, realizing the mistake she made.)

Daughter: “I didn’t even think to go buy tickets! I’ll be right back!”

(She hurried over to the building to purchase tickets, since I am not allowed to just accept money. I let her mom take a seat on the boat while she ran up to buy them. She was back soon and we both had a good laugh about it!)

What A Croc!

, , , , | Related | April 8, 2018

(My family is visiting Florida and we decide to go kayaking with a group. My brother and I pair up, with my brother at the back and me at the front. My brother is infamously lazy and is just sitting enjoying the scenery while I’m doing all the paddling.)

Me: “Are you doing any paddling back there? We’re barely moving!”

Brother: *lying* “Yep.”

Me: “No, you’re not! Quit lazing around and paddle!”

Guide: “Ooh, a crocodile!” *points*

(We all look over, except my brother, who’s still daydreaming. A huge crocodile just entered the water, and we’re closest to it! I panic since I watch a lot of nature programs and know how powerful they are, and start paddling away like a madwoman.)

Me: “Oh, my God! It’ll eat me!”

Brother: “Hey!”

(I looked over and saw that while I was paddling my end away, the boat turned a 180 so that my brother’s end was right next to the croc! At least my brother finally woke up and started paddling, and we were able to get away from the overgrown lizard. Then he accused me of trying to feed him to it!)

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Be Glad You’re Not In His Shoes

| Related | February 15, 2017

(I am sailing with my grandparents, parents, and little brother. It is very windy, and the boat is going all over the place. My grandfather is wearing sandals, and his foot slips over the side.)

Mom: “Are you okay?”

Grandfather: “Yes, I am, but I lost my shoe…”

(He abruptly looks really angry, and takes off his remaining shoe.)

Grandfather: “What am I supposed to do with one shoe? HERE, TAKE THE OTHER ONE, TOO!”

(He flung the other shoe deep into the lake.)

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A Leaking Boat

| Related | January 12, 2017

(My family has owned a boat for as long as I can remember. It’s a 40 ft, and sleeps my parents and me comfortably. A couple times per year, we take it down to Baltimore’s inner harbor, a ride well over an hour, sometimes closer to three in poor conditions. My mom and I typically go by car while my dad takes the boat and meets us there. We are expecting less than pleasant weather, so I help my dad on the boat this time. Note that I’m female.)

Me: “So, what do you usually do on these trips?”

Dad: “Audio books or music, usually. If I need a snack I slow to a crawl and run downstairs. Usually if I need to piss I’ll just go off the side of the boat. But with you here, you can drive while I go hit the head.”

Me: “Lovely image there, Dad. Guess it’s a good thing I don’t usually do this on my own. Peeing off the side of the boat is harder for us ladies.”

Dad: “Oh, it’s impossible for a lady. But a woman could probably pull it off.”

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