This happened in fencing club at our boarding school. We’re rather laid-back and relaxed, but at some point, another school challenged us to a match, which required us to send a student representative with the coach to help settle the details. So, the coach brought it up in a fencing lesson, stating that he needed someone to become the “club president” and help him with the details.

Our boarding school has a quirk where we call the Year Twelves “Juniors” and the Year Thirteens “Seniors.”

Someone proposed that there be an election, which prompted me to cast my vote for my enthusiastic junior. But that idea was shot down as the strongest fencer in the group decided that we should have a tournament with the club captainship as the prize, which was an even more popular idea.

Then, just when we were putting on our gear and preparing for the tournament, one of my fellow seniors argued that as we seniors were preparing to go to university, club captainship should fall to us as we needed it more on our personal statements than the juniors did. They could have their turn as club captain next year, when they themselves became seniors.

Somehow, they convinced the coach, mostly because other clubs in school had a similar precedent. I wasn’t very happy with the decision, as I considered it childish and the two seniors vying for the club captain position were basically people who joined the club at the same time as the juniors. In fact, they never even held a sword until they joined the club, unlike half of the juniors, who were veteran fencers in their previous schools. They just wanted the position to burnish their personal statements and make themselves more attractive to universities.

Regardless, the coach did not seem to notice that those two were blatantly after the position for selfish reasons and named the only other senior in the club president: me. 

He was backed unanimously by the juniors, leaving the two other seniors stunned. They then tried to argue against my appointment, but the coach shot them down. I was the last member of last year’s team, the oldest and seniormost student and the one with the most attendance, and although I wasn’t the best fencer, I was the only veteran fencer among the three seniors.

I didn’t really want the position, but I could not deny being greatly amused at the way my fellow seniors’ faces fell. Still, I offered the two of them the opportunity to claim club captainship in a mini-tournament between the three of us. Two easy victories later and I was crowned club captain. Somehow they never really came back to the club during my captainship.

The coach used a balloon sword he picked up from a fencing shop to “knight” me and offered it to me as my “sword of office.” After I stepped down as captain after the year, I was allowed to keep the sword as a farewell gift.

According to my juniors, it has now become a tradition for the coach to “knight” new club captains with such balloon swords and that they’re allowed to keep the blade after they retire.

(This is a story my father told me about my granddad. My granddad used to work for the Bureau of Indian Affairs, teaching shop classes at boarding schools on reservations. The first part of this story takes place just outside of Carson City, Nevada, on a Navajo reservation. A couple of teenage boys approach my granddad during his shop class.)

Boys: “Mr. [Granddad], if you’re teaching Navajo kids, you should learn to speak at least a little Navajo! You want us to teach you some?”

Granddad: “Sure, boys. I think that’d be mighty handy.”

(For the next few weeks, the boys teach my grandfather a word or phrase of Navajo each day. One day, one of the Navajo women who works at the school comes to visit Granddad’s class.)

Granddad: *rips off one of the ‘Navajo greetings’ he’s been taught*

Navajo Employee: *puffs up and goes all red in the face* “MR. [Granddad]! WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?! NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN!”

(Suddenly, all of Granddad’s students were very busy with their projects.)

This story is part of our Native-American roundup.

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(One of the night staff is off sick and our maths teacher, normally a daytime-only teacher, has been working nights as well so that there’s enough staff. One morning we’re sitting in maths class before it’s time to start, when the biology teacher comes in with a letter.)

Biology Teacher: “Miss [Maths Teacher], I just dropped in to give you this before class.”

(Maths Teacher continues to stare blankly at the computer screen.)

Biology Teacher: “Miss [Maths Teacher]…” *waves in front of her face*

(Biology teacher pokes Maths Teacher with the letter.)

Maths Teacher: “Hey! [Biology Teacher]! Question!”

Biology Teacher: “What?”

Maths Teacher: “How many nights can you go without sleeping before you actually die?”

(In boarding school, we have housemothers to take care of us. I am 18 years old and am studying in bed during a cold winter day.*)

Housemother: “Why are you in bed! You’re not allowed to study in bed!”

Me: “Well, it’s really cold here and I’m clearly studying.”

Housemother: “Get out of bed right now!”

Me: *calmly* “I’m sorry, but could you please give me a reason I’m not allowed to study in bed? I’m in my final year and I get very high marks. This couldn’t possibly be affecting my academic performance.”

Housemother: *childishly* “Well, thank you. Thank you very much.”

(She proceeded to SLAM the door and stomp away. I got reprimanded by the head of boarding (her husband) and was told to apologise (which I refused to do). The reason they gave for reprimanding me was that I was a “bad role-model” to my younger roommate!)

(I attend a boarding school with a separate dorm for girls. I’m not very social, and tend to be quiet or abrupt when others try to get me involved in something that doesn’t interest me. As such, I have somewhat of a bad reputation in high school, despite being a nice person in comfortable circumstances. One day I’m walking up to my hall when I see a huge swarm of girls outside someone’s room.)

Me: “Hey, what’s going on in there?”

Girl #1: “[Hallmate]’s boyfriend just broke up with her.”

Girl #2: “He did it AT HIS FAMILY’S PARTY, which he invited her to, JUST to break up with her.”

Me: “Ouch, that’s rough.”

Girl #1: “Yeah, now she won’t come out of her room.”

(I decide to join the crowd, just to see if I can do anything to make her feel better. The door opens and closes as girls enter and leave. I notice a Beatles poster over my hallmate’s bed. I don’t know much about her, but I remembered hearing her sing Beatles songs while she was hanging around in the common area. As someone exits, the room, I stop the door from closing and try to come in.)

Me: *singing* “Dear Prudence, won’t you—”

(My hallmate’s roommate abruptly cuts me off with a scowl and backs me out of the room.)

Hallmate’s Roommate: “Get out of here, [My Name]. [Hallmate] is going through a rough time and she doesn’t need you making it worse!”

(I’m shocked and offended, but I decide not to press the issue. The next day, I happen to see my hallmate as I’m walking to class and I jog to catch up with her.)

Me: “Hey, [Hallmate], I heard about what happened.”

Hallmate: “Yeah, he’s a jerk. I’m glad it’s over, now that I think about it.”

Me: “When did you finally come out of your room?”

Hallmate: “This morning, when I had to get ready for school. People were in and out of my room all night. I couldn’t get any work done and I didn’t get to sleep until really late.”

Me: “I tried to come visit after dinner, but [Roommate] told me to go away.”

Hallmate: “What?! Why did she do that? She practically let the whole dorm in, even when I said I wanted some alone time.”

Me: *shrugs* “I dunno. I started singing ‘Dear Prudence’ because I thought it would make you feel better. Maybe she thought I was making light of the situation.”

Hallmate: “No way! That would have actually made me feel TONS better! Next time [Roommate] tells you to go away, just ignore her. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about anyway.”

(The next year, my hallmate requested a different roommate. The former one got stuck with a new girl who didn’t like her much either!)