Will Say It Vegan And Again, Part 2

, , , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2018

(The dorm complex where I live has its own cafeteria, with a pretty decent selection of foods. While standing in line at one of my favorite spots, the girl in front of me has a rather interesting request…)

Girl: “I’d like a vegan cheese sandwich, please.”

Lunch Lady: “Er… I’m not exactly sure what you mean. Do you just want bread?”

(They only have regular cheese, and they butter both sides of the bread before grilling, so it’s no wonder the poor woman is confused.)

Girl: *insistent* “No, I want a vegan cheese sandwich!”

Lunch Lady: “Well, I don’t think we have—”

Girl: *slamming her hands down on the counter* “NO! I WANT A VEGAN CHEESE SANDWICH, YOU STUPID B****!”

(She finally leaves when a couple of the other students and I tell her to stop being stupid. She keeps screaming about her vegan cheese sandwich all the way to the door before slamming it shut behind her.)

Me: *steps up to the counter* “I’d like a non-vegan cheese sandwich, please.”

Will Say It Vegan And Again

And That’s How The Not-Free Cookie Crumbles

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A customer I’ve never seen before comes in and gets a sandwich, pays for it, and goes to wait for it to be made. He then asks one of my coworkers:)

Customer: “Could I have a cookie as well?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

(The customer helps himself to a cookie from the jar. He gets his sandwich and sits down to eat it. Then my coworker asks me:)

Coworker: “Did he pay you for a cookie?”

(Of course he didn’t pay for it, since he didn’t ask to get a cookie until after he paid, so I go over to him.)

Me: “Excuse me, but you have to pay for that cookie.”

Customer: “She gave it to me.”

Me: “Um, no, she didn’t just give it to you for free.”

Customer: “She said I could have it.”

Me: “Yeah… to pay for.”

Customer: “Well, how much is the cookie, then?” *getting out his wallet*

Me: Fifty cents.”

Customer: *as he’s pulling out a dollar bill* “Absolutely pathetic; making me pay for a stupid cookie.”

Me: “Yeah, it is pretty pathetic that you can’t afford a fifty-cent cookie.”

(He paid me the fifty cents and didn’t say a word after that. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone eat and leave that fast before.)

Now It’s A Party!

, , , , , | Right | September 20, 2017

(I work in a fine-dining establishment as a chef. Working in a college town, I get a lot of self-entitlement from customers. A drunk college girl bursts into the kitchen.)

Drunk College Girl: *yelling* “It’s Stephanie’s 21st birthday, and our waitress won’t sing to her!”

Me: “We don’t do that here.”

Drunk College Girl: “Well, why the f*** not!?”

Me: “Because it p***es off all the other people in the restaurant, and none of our staff have the time or the interest to honor Stephanie and her stupid birthday.”

(Guys at the next table slow clap.)