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A Lack Of Blood To The Brain

, , , , , | Romantic | January 24, 2018

(I volunteer at the Red Cross reception desk one morning each week. The job’s not very difficult; mostly I just answer the phone and direct prospective donors to the blood services section elsewhere in the building. One morning a tall, beefy guy comes loping down the hall and stops in front of my desk.)

Guy: “Well, I’m done donating blood!”

Me: “You’re a great American. Hey, do you have any money?”

Guy: “Nope, sorry.

Me: *making my voice mock-whiny* “Not even five bucks? I want to take myself out to lunch after my shift ends!”

Guy: “You’re out of luck.” *jokingly* “You’ll have to settle for a kiss.”

(He leans over the counter and kisses me on the forehead. I hear a sharp intake of breath, turn around, and see our volunteer coordinator standing behind me with a horrified expression on her face.)

Me: “Oops. [Volunteer Coordinator], I don’t think you’ve ever met my husband.”

There Will Be Blood

, | Healthy | January 5, 2018

(I’m donating blood, and the donor phlebotomist is an absolute klutz. We’re in a donor bus (like a camper that they park at places to have mobile donor drives) and she keeps on knocking into other phlebotomists, dropping things. She has just finished freaking out that she started another donor at just the wrong time, and she’ll have to start his and stop mine at the same time. She comes over to take out my needle, bumbles for a bit, and then pulls it out, leaving a trail of blood down my arm. I’m trained in phlebotomy, so I know that she just has angled the needle down and it’s dripping, and I’m not freaked out by it. But this is her response.)

Phlebotomist: “Oh, whoopsie!” *yells* “CLEAN UP ON AISLE FOUR!”

(She then wiped it up, and continued to bumble around like nothing happened, while the rest of the bus stared at us.)

A Needling Suspicion You Did That Wrong

, , | Healthy | November 3, 2017

(I am donating blood at a traveling clinic that has come to my college. I have a rather intense needle phobia and like to use donating blood as a way to get over this fear just as much as an opportunity to help others. However, when the needle is in me I become visibly tense and my breathing quickens. Sometimes the nurses worry that I am going to pass out or go into shock, so I always warn them about my fear, assure them that I will NOT pass out, that I’m just anxious, and ask them to count to three before they stick me, which reduces my anxiety. They are usually very understanding of this request.)

Nurse: “Okay, we’re all set now. You’re just going to feel a pinch and a sting.”

Me: “Can you please count before you do it?”

Nurse: *legitimately confused about this request* “Count? Why?”

Me: “I have a bit of a needle phobia. I’m not going to pass out; I just don’t want to be surprised by the needle.”

Nurse: *still with a confused expression* “Okay…”

(She then proceeds to count to three as fast as she can… WHILE she is already sticking me with the needle. Lo and behold, I panic, push myself several inches up in the chair, and feel tears begin to stream from my eyes involuntarily.)

Nurse: “Oh! Well, I didn’t know you were gonna jump up in your chair like that!”

(She leaves to tend to other donors. I begin to calm down, but tears are still streaming down my face as a result of the unpleasant surprise.)

Nurse: *coming back to check on me, notices my face* “Is… is something sad going on in your life right now?”

Me: “Nothing other than the nightmares I’m gonna have tonight…”

You Live For Her Job

| Working | November 4, 2016

(It’s my second time giving blood. The phlebotomist approaches with a needle and blood bag.)

Phlebotomist: “Well, this should be interesting. This is actually the first time I’ve ever inserted an IV into a living person!”

(It turned out she had worked in a morgue for 10 years, where she inserted IVs into cadavers, and this was her first day at the blood bank.)

This story is part of our Blood Donation roundup!

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Drawing Blood For The Rokeg Blood Pie

, , , | Working | June 24, 2016

(I’m a junior in high school and I’m waiting to have my blood taken. As the nurse is sanitizing my arm, she looks up and sees the head doctor.)

Nurse:  “Aw, man… I hate it when he’s here. He always looks over your shoulder when you’re trying to work!”

(I twist around to look in his direction.)

Nurse: “He’s the bald man that looks like a Klingon.” *shocked look* “Did I say that out loud?”

Me: *dying of laughter* “Yes… Yes, you did!”

This story is part of our Blood Donation roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to read the roundup? Click here!