Second Act Surprise!

, , , , , , | Working | December 29, 2017

(I am hired to do some catering work in a congress centre. Today, it’s training day for all the new temps. Lots of new workers are waiting, in uniform, to be taken to the hall for the training. A coworker and I notice a man in a manager’s uniform, walking around with a moody face, slouched appearance, and messy clothing.)

Coworker #1: *quietly, to me* “Either that gentleman had to start really early, or he had a bad night’s sleep.”

(Finally, we get a message that someone will take us to the hall. The name could be male or female, so I assume they mean the young lady opening the door for us. We go into the meeting hall and get seated. Then, the first person to talk to us is the sloppy, moody man. He talks in a very unenthusiastic way.)

Grouch: “Hi, my name is [Name]. I’m a floor manager, and I have been working here for 25 years already. Now, you’ve got your uniforms. [Congress Centre] put lots of money in those, so be careful with them, okay? It’s, in fact, very simple: you are getting put on your location by me and then you’ll just do as I tell you. If there’s ever a problem, don’t try and solve it; come to me, because after all these years, I know you’ll just create chaos if you don’t. Finally, don’t come up with ideas. After 25 years, I heard all of them already and I’ve got more to do than just listen to stuff I already heard before.”

(The grouch gets seated. During his speech, I notice his shirt isn’t tucked into his trousers and his hand is in his pocket, which, in the Netherlands, is considered a very rude and sloppy thing when giving a speech or presentation. After the man gets seated, a young lady takes over, and starts doing a presentation which is much better and much more inspiring. The grouch seems to be more interested in his phone, although he might be checking important messages. At one point, the lady asks him a question.)

Young Lady: “I’ll be starting the video now, okay?”

Grouch: *looking up from his phone* “Hmm? Sorry?”

Young Lady: “Is it okay to start the video?”

Grouch: “Oh, yeah, fine.”

(This continues for a while. I’ve had different jobs over the years, and although I hate people like this, their existence doesn’t even surprise me anymore. But at some point, the lady starts addressing his behaviour.)

Young Lady: “[Grouch], do you have anything to say?”

Grouch: “Hmm? No, what do you mean?”

Young Lady: “Well, I don’t really like your attitude. Maybe we should pay some attention to it.”

Grouch: “Oh? What’s wrong with my attitude then?”

(He doesn’t sound angry yet, but I know people like this. An argument will break out within minutes, not that the guy doesn’t deserve it.)

Young Lady: “Well, you’re not paying attention, and you’re looking at your phone all the time.”

Coworker #2: “To be honest, you don’t seem very enthusiastic.”

Grouch: “I don’t?”

Coworker #3: “Yes; your appearance makes me wonder whether you feel sick or something.”

Coworker #4: “Yes, I must admit, it’s even a bit unreal…”

(Then the grouch surprises me.)

Grouch: *standing up, putting his clothing right* “Okay, you’re right. Fair enough. I’ll do my introduction again. Hello everyone, my name is [Name], and I’m an actor, here to assist with the training.”

(And to be honest, I expected everything but that! The workplace turned out to be fine, by the way.)

Some Sales Are Worth Crawling For

, , , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

Many years ago I was working at a supermarket as night-fill staff, where we restock the shelves after closing time. It was about 10 pm, and the roller shutter was three quarters shut, the lights in the mall were off, and the front of the shop was full of boxes.

A woman crawled under the mostly-shut roller door, then asked if we were open and if she could buy a couple of things!

All Talk, And That’s It

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(I am working at a fast food chain and it is my third day on the job. Since I am new, I am put on serving, so I only have to give people their food. One of the team leaders is on dining room and often talks to the guests to make sure everything is going all right, or just to cheer people up or whatever. There is a man sitting alone in a corner, and my coworker goes over to ask if he would like a refill.)

Coworker #1: “Would you like a refreshment on—”

Customer: “Don’t talk to me; I’m fine!”

Coworker #1: *immediately turning around and rushing over to me* “Don’t go near that guy.”

Me: “I wasn’t planning on it, after that!”

(The next day I am put on register for the first time, so I am a little bit confused at times. I have a manager help me when I need it, but at one point she says that I can handle it on my own. A few minutes later, the same guy from the day before comes up to my register.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! Will this be for dine-in or—”

Customer: “I will have chicken nuggets.”

Me: “All right. Would you like that as a meal or an entree?”

Customer: *glaring at me* “A meal. I’ll have a [Soda #1] with that.”

Me: “Is a [Soda #2] okay?”

Customer: “I want [Soda #1]!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we only have [Soda #2] products here.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever.”

Me: “Will that be all for you, sir?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “And can I have a name for the order?”

Customer: *glaring at me again* “Why do you need my name?!”

Me: “It’s just so we can find you with your food.”

Customer: *rolling his eyes* “Yeah, whatever. It’s [Customer].”

(At that moment, my coworker from before walks past, and this guy gives him the most horrible death glare ever. I am already impatient with this guy, but I have to deal with him since our restaurant is known for our customer service.)

Customer: *glaring at my coworker* “Tell that man not to talk to me.”

Me: “Have you experienced a problem with him?”

Customer: “I came here yesterday and all he did was talk to me. I hate it when people talk to me! Like, seriously, can’t people just shut up?”

Me: “All right, sir. I will make sure he knows. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

Customer: “People can just be so annoying sometimes. It’s like, I just want to eat, so stop interrupting me!”

(He literally goes on like this for at LEAST ten minutes, and I am just trying to get him to pay and leave.)

Customer: “Do you ever get it where someone just doesn’t shut up?”

Me:I sure do, sir! All right, your total is $6.37. Here is your table marker, and once you swipe your card, you are all set to go. Have a wonderful day!”

Coworker #2: “You forgot to give him his receipt, sauces, beverage—”

Me: “I know, [Coworker #2]; let me live a little!”

Five Quatloos

, , , , , | Right | December 28, 2017

(A customer is leaning against the wall at the top of the escalator when I come upstairs.)

Customer: “Hey, are you a manager?”

Me: “Yes. What can I do for you?”

Customer: *looking down at phone* “How long will it be?”

Me: “How long will it be for what?”

Customer: *still looking at phone* “I just want to know how long it will be.”

Me: “I’m afraid I don’t know what you mean.”

Customer: “Just… how long?”

(I try to glance at his screen, to see if he is referring to something on it. He snatches the phone away, shooting me a dirty look.)

Customer: “You don’t have to be a b****. You should know how long it will be.”

Me: “Five.”

Customer: “Five? Okay, thanks.” *he leaves*

Coworker: “Five what?”

Me: “I have no idea; I just wanted to get rid of him.”

Talking Out Of Their Perineum

, , , , | Working | December 27, 2017

(We have a productivity seminar at work. We are being taken through some breathing exercises to relieve stress.)

Trainer: “Okay, and while focusing on your breaths, I want you to release your guiche.”

(We all look around confused, and ask if she has the right term. She says she is correct, and urges us to RELEASE THE GUICHE, with gusto.)

Colleague: “Umm, I had my guiche pierced last week, so I don’t think I can just yet.”

(The trainer blushed and we broke for lunch shortly after. The trainer never came back and all other seminars were cancelled. We all learned a little too much from [Colleague] that day.)

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