(I have a summer job on a construction site sweeping work areas, sorting materials and such. One day my coworker and I—both underpaid temps passing time until college classes start again—have been asked to sweep the floor in an area where the construction team is installing the air conditioning system.)

Boss: *to my coworker and me* “You need to be careful because we don’t want dust in the system, so work slow.”

Coworker: “You won’t have to tell us twice, sir. We can do slow!”

(We start sweeping the area slowly. After some time, the boss comes by.)

Boss: “Guys, you really need to go slower. There is too much dust in the air.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there are a lot of people working here. We are taking it really easy, but we can’t tell the dust to get on the floor.”

Boss: “Well, just slow down. Take it REALLY easy!”

Me: “Sure, we can slow down!”

(We take it down even further as the boss leaves. After all, when the boss tells you to work slower you don’t say no!)

Coworker: “This is the first time I’ve ever heard someone apologize to the boss for not slacking off enough!”

(Soon after, the boss comes back again to check up.)

Boss: “There I still too much dust in the air. You guys really need to go slower!”

Me: “Well, I think that if we go slower you need to make a time-lapse video to see us moving. Are you sure about this?”

Coworker: “Yeah, not that I’m complaining, but we aren’t exactly the only ones here who can stir up the dust. We should probably sweep the whole area before the day is over.”

Boss: “No problem. Just get as far as you can get, but make sure you go really slow this time.”

(The boss leaves again, and we are trying to figure out how we can slow down even further and still actually do anything. Once again, as the boss finishes his rounds, he checks up on us again.)

Boss: “Well, it’s getting better, but can you please slow down even more?”

Me: “I am honestly not sure if I can do that. We are barely moving as it is, and I think we were just passed by a snail.”

Boss: “Well, try anyway. It’s getting better, so keep up the good work!”

Coworker: *after the boss leaves* “I love this job.”

(Instead of having a definite job role I am just expected to help out wherever the restaurant is short. On this day, I have been cleaning.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your toilets are?”

Me: “Just through there, sir. Just give me a moment to get the cleaning stuff out of there.”

(I clear the toilet and leave. On my way downstairs, I am asked to open the bar up for the customers. I change and do so.)

Same Customer: “Oh, weren’t you just upstairs?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Can I get you anything?”

Same Customer: *nervous look* “Uh, I’ll just have a coffee. I’m sitting over there…”

(After serving, I change again and start waiting tables.)

Me: “Hello again. Can I take your order?”

Same Customer: *upset* No… no… I think I’ll have to leave…”

Me: “Are you okay, sir?”

Same Customer: “I can’t eat in a place that employs CLONES! CLONES! CLONES EVERYWHERE!” *leaves*

(I am walking out of a discount retail store and overhear a conversation between a customer and an employee.)

Customer: “I go to Mexico to get all my prescriptions.”

Employee: “I go to Mexico to avoid radiation.”

Customer: “What?”

Employee: “Yeah, all the ‘nookyooler’ reactors are in the northern hemisphere, so I go down there.”

(At this point, I can’t help but speak up.)

Me: “You know, Mexico is in the northern hemisphere.”

Employee: “Really? It is?”

Me: “Yes. You have to go all the way down to like Ecuador to get to the southern hemisphere.”

Employee: “Well, I guess I have radiation poisoning then!”

Customer: “I just go there to get prescriptions…”

(An elderly couple enters the store and starts checking out our collection of animals.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Yes, we would like a pet… maybe a cat, or a dog…”

Woman: “…or a rabbit, or a turtle.”

Man: “Yes. One of those…”

Woman: “…or all of them.”

Man: “Oh yeah, that’s possible too…”

Woman: “…and a hamster. Don’t forget the hamster!”

Man: “And a few birds…”

Woman: “…or cake. I’d like cake…”

Man: “…with a cup of coffee. ”

Woman: “Yeah. That’s across the street. I see!”

Man: *to me* “Okay, thank you sir. goodbye!”

Me: *amused and confused* “Enjoy your cake…goodbye!”

(A well-dressed woman enters the store and hands me a note.)

Customer: “Could you get this order ready for me, please? I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

(I look at the note, but it’s blank.)

Me: “There is nothing written on this note.”

Customer: “Well, I decided to surprise myself today with my purchases.”

Me: “Okay… that’s new, but I’ll see what I can do!”

(Ten minutes later, she returns.)

Customer: “So, what did I buy today?”

Me: *hands her a bag* “Three pounds of bread crust to feed the ducks in the park. They are free of charge.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! I was planning to go to the hairdresser, but this is… DUCKS, YOU SAY? Well, off to the park, then! Goodbye!”

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