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Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind You

, , | Right | November 26, 2007

Me: “So, what can I get you?”

Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at the menu*

(Three minutes later:)

Me: “I’ll come ba–”

Hobo: “I want some toast!”

Me: “Okay, toast is all. I’ll be right back.”

Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want… French toast.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Hobo: “I want some French toast. How much does that cost?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have French toast.”

Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

Me: “Um… toast?”

Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

*long pause*

Me: “Warm, crunchy bread, sir.”

Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm, crunchy bread!”


This story is part of our Stupid Eaters roundup!

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Well, That Came Out Of Nowhere

, , , | Right | November 21, 2007

(Two middle-aged women walk into the store.)

Woman #1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”

Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”

(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand.)

Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Woman #2: *to [Woman #1]* “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”

Psst… The Sun Gives You Cancer, Too

, , , | Right | November 16, 2007

(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register.)

Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items, don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”

Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”

How Do These People Remember How To Breathe?

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2007

(An older lady comes into the store. She doesn’t know me, yet decides to make me intimately knowledgeable about her husband’s surgery. She eventually runs out of steam when I don’t respond and looks around at the books on the shelves.)

Lady: “I like books.”

Me: “Good! Anything you’re looking for?”

Lady: *ignores my question* “I saw on TV that books are good to have because they make your house look nice.”

Me: *barely stifling a smile* “Really? I heard they’re also good to read.”

(Evidently, my comment goes right over her head.)

Lady: “And you can use them to prop up the bed.”

(Her husband buys books and then swiftly escorts her out.)


This story is part of the Refusing To Read roundup!

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Because Everything’s Bigger In Texas

, , , | Right | November 7, 2007

(The shop is really, really small, and is inside the same building as a supermarket. A lady walks into the store with a shopping cart.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, could you leave your cart outside? It’s blocking other people from getting inside the store.”

Lady: *moves her cart filled with unpaid merchandise outside the store*

Me: “I’m sorry, you can’t take unpaid merchandise outside the store either.”

Lady: “I’m sorry. I’m from Texas!”