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Some Questions Should Never Be Asked

, , , , , | Right | June 6, 2008

Me: “Costume Design & Rental. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, do you guys have any costumes?”

Me: “Yes, we have a 5,000 square foot warehouse.”

Caller: “And do you rent them?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Caller: “How much is it?”

Me: “It depends on what kind of costume are you looking for.”

Caller: “I don’t know… Can’t you just tell me how much it is?”

Me: “Not without knowing what you want, no.”

Caller: “Fine, whatever.” *click*

(Ten minutes later, they call back.)

Me: “Costume Design & Rental. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have any giant penis costumes?”

Me: “Uh… no. I don’t think we do.”

Caller: “Darn.” *click*

I Can So See This On Broadway

, , , , | Right | June 4, 2008

(I’m hurrying to the bathroom as a foreign couple starts flailing at me.)

Me: “How can I he–”

Customers: “FAXMACHEEEEE!”

Me: “A fax machine?”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEEEEE!”

Me: “Okay… well, if you follow me over here, I’ll show you what we have.”

(I lead the customer over to the single fax machine that we carry.)

Female Customer: *staring at me confused* “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Yes, that’s a fax machi–”

Male Customer: “FAXMACHEEE?!”

Me: “Are you trying to ask if we carry any other fax machines?”

Male Customer: *stares blankly at me for a few moments*

Female Customer: *nods frantically* “FAXMACHEEEE!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the only one we carry currently.”

Male Customer: “… faxmachee?” *hangs head and walks away with female customer*

Old Dames Have The Best Backhands

, , | Right | June 3, 2008

Old Lady: “And how old are you, about sixteen?”

Me: “I’m twenty-seven years old, ma’am.”

Old Lady: “But… you’re so pretty!”

Me: “Er, thanks.”

(I guess I should try harder to look ugly from now on.)


This story is part of our Shocking Old People roundup!

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Send In The Clowns, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 1, 2008

Me: “Hi! I’m calling today looking for sponsorships for less fortunate children to attend the annual circus.”

Person: “Oh, that sounds wonderful.”

Me: “Would you like to sponsor a child this year?”

Person: “Will there be clowns?”

Me: “Yes, I believe there will be a few clowns.”

Person: “What kind?”

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Person: “Are they the good ones?”

Me: “They are professionals, so I believe they will be quite good.”

Person “Do children like them?”

Me: “Yes…”

Person: *in a hushed voice* “I carry a picture of that scary clown in my pocket. I don’t like scary clowns.”

Me: “Scary clown?”

Person: “… from the movie. I bought it so I could have a picture of the scary clown. I have nightmares about it.”

Me: “Ummm… that’s horrible. I’m sorry for bringing up such an awful memory. I will just let you go, then.”

Person: “No, I want to help. Kids like that kind of thing. What do I have to do?”

Me: “Well, we will send you a sponsorship packet in the mail. It will have an invoice. You just have to send in payment.”

Person: “Will there be clowns?”

Me: “At the circus?”

Person: “No, I mean will you make sure that they don’t send any clowns in that paper?”

Me: “Yes, I will make sure that you do not get sent any clowns…”

(Ironically, I found out after hanging up that the sponsorship packet has a large picture of a clown on the envelope.)

It (Almost) Never Hurts To Check

, , , | Right | June 1, 2008

Customer: “Let me see that knife in the case.”

Me: “Here ya go.”

Customer: “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”

Me: “Really? ”

(The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)

Customer: “I guess it is.”

Me: “Would you like some paper towels?”