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Hulk Smash Bagels

, , , , | Right | February 13, 2009

(I am cashier at a small cafe in California. Two tourists, a man, and his teenage son walk into the cafe. His son decides what he wants and his father starts yelling at him.)

Me: “Sir, what’s wrong? Something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Can you get me a sandwich and a soda? Oh, and get this guy some soup.”

Customer’s son: “Dad, I don’t want some soup! I just want a bagel!”

Customer: “SON, YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO ME WHEN YOU EAT BAGELS! YOU KNOW IT BRINGS BAD MEMORIES!” *storms out*

Customer’s son: “Dad!” *runs after him*

(From that day onward, I always suggested the soup.)

All The World’s A Book

, , , , | Right | February 12, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, I’m wondering if you can help me?”

Me: “Sure, how can I help?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a book.”

Me: “Right, what book is that?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a dictionary.”

(I take the customer to the dictionary section, but she shakes her head.)

Customer: “No, it’s not a dictionary; it’s just a book.”

Me: “Well, I’m afraid I need to know a bit more than that to find it for you.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not a book; it’s a box.”

Me: “A box?”

Customer: “Not really. It’s kind of a box and you put things in it. Like a box.”

Me: “So it’s not a book?”

Customer: “Yes, it is also a book.”

(Turned out she was looking for a safe.)

Steam Cleaner On Elm Street

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “Can you show me where the carpet cleaning stuff is?”

Me: “Sure, right here.” *leads him to the aisle*

Customer: “Which one is good for getting blood out of carpet?”

Me: “Well, this brand works well for spots. How much blood are we talkin’ here?”

Customer: “About a bucket full…”

Me: “You may want to rent a carpet cleaner…”

Stairway To Nowhere

, , , | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, but I can’t seem to find the stairs to your second floor.”

Me: “Ah, well, ma’am, that’s probably because we don’t have a second floor.”

Customer: “Yes, you do, I’ve shopped here for five years. I’ve been to your second floor several times. If you look at this store from the outside, you can see that it’s big enough to house a second floor.”

Me: “But there are no windows to show the second floor. No, ma’am, we have that high ceiling instead. We never had a second floor.

Customer: “YES, YOU DO! Now stop screwing around with me and tell me where it is!”

Manager: *overhearing this conversation* “Ma’am, I’ve worked here since our store opened ten years ago. We’ve NEVER had a second floor.”

Customer: “You’re lying! Tell me where the stairs are or I’m going to report your behavior to your corporate offices!”

I Say Tomato, You Say Purple Shtinkelfurter

, , , | Right | February 10, 2009

Customer: “Hey, do you have any of them Red Rushkies?”

Coworker: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You know, Red Rushkies?”

Coworker: “Err… no, I’m sorry. I don’t think we stock those.”

Customer: “Yeah, you do, I buy them here all the time! Where are they?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, we don’t have anything called ‘Red Rushkies’ here.”

Customer: *sighs* “I’ll find them myself.”

(There’s a pause of a few minutes, and then the customer comes back with a bag of raw peanuts.)

Customer: “There you go!”

Coworker: “Oh! Peanuts?”

Customer: “Yeah! That’s what I said!”