Rugged Behavior

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

Customer: “Where do you keep your rugs?”

Me: “I can show you; follow me.”

(I walk her over to our rugs. She picks up one rug and stares at it top to bottom, but looks slightly confused.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: *stares at rug more*

Me: “Ma’am, is there anything else I can help you find today?”

Customer: *stares at rug a bit more* “Are these the kind that you lay on the ground?”

Me: “Um…”

We Should All Have A Sausage Man As A Friend

, , , , , | Related | February 7, 2018

(I am at a restaurant with my dad. He’s in his 60s, and not an unintelligent person, but he never did well in school, and he frequently asks me how to spell certain words. He also has a very… unusual sense of humor.)

Dad: “[My Name], how do you spell ‘sausage’?”

Me: “S-A-U-S-A-G-E.”

Dad: “Thank you. I’m texting my friend Jim the Sausage Man.”

(He went on texting as if that was a totally normal thing to say.)

Death Of A Salesman: Made For TV

, , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I’m shopping with my brother in a well-known retail store. My brother goes off somewhere, and I am walking around looking for him. I pass a salesman selling cable television.)

Salesman: *as I am walking by* “Excuse me, miss. Do you have television?”

Me: *smiles* “No.”

Salesman: “Oh, did you move recently?”

Me: *still smiling* “No.”

Salesman: “Why don’t you have television?”

Me: *saying the first thing that comes to my mind* “My mother doesn’t believe in television, and thinks it will cause our future children to become monsters who enjoy a chaotic world.” *smiles*

Salesman: *wide-eyed and shocked*

(My mom really doesn’t believe that, but she hates cable because she thinks it’s pointless.)

Cheap Smokes And Cheaper Attitude

, , , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(This occurs on a warm summer evening in the middle of a busy period. I am working the checkout alone and serving a young woman who is inputting her PIN into the card machine. An older man walks in and stands uncomfortably close to her shoulder. I hand her the receipt from her purchase and she leaves the store. The man then proceeds to cut in front of the other customers waiting in line.)

Customer: “Give me cigarettes!”

(I am slightly taken aback, but I decide to serve him quickly in order to get him out of the shop.)

Me: “Sure. Which kind would you like?”

Customer: “WHICH KIND?! THE CHEAPEST ONES, OBVIOUSLY!”

Me: “Um… okay.”

(I quickly look through the prices.)

Customer: “Hurry up! I don’t have all day!” *mumbling* “Which kind of cigarettes? How would I know which kind? Stupid girl.”

Me: *grabbing the cheapest ones I can see* “Are these okay for you?”

Customer: “Are they the cheapest?!”

Me: *taking his response as a yes, I ring up the cigarettes* “Okay, that will be £4.50.”

(He threw a £10 note on counter and grabbed his cigarettes before marching out the door without his change, which he never came back for.)

Your Own Private Coffee

, , , , , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I am on a late shift in midtown Manhattan. My assistant manager is acting as cashier and barista while I am bussing the lobby. A rather unkempt-looking 20-something woman wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt comes in and approaches the counter.)

Customer: “I’d like a grande coffee.”

Assistant Manager: “All right, that’ll be [price].”

Customer: “Okay, hold on a minute.”

(The customer turns her back, walks a few steps away, pulls down the front of her sweatpants and underwear, and proceeds to pull something apparently OUT OF her private parts. Aghast, I glance at the assistant manager and he glances back at me, looking horrified. As the woman turns around with a couple of crumpled bills in her hand, he quickly states:)

Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept that. You can just take your coffee for free.”

(The woman gave him a strange smile, took her coffee, and left. The assistant manager rushed to disinfect the counter and the door handle she touched on the way out. Only in New York.)

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