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The 8th Sign Of The Apocalypse

, , | Right | March 27, 2008

Grumpy Old Man: “There’s too much salt in the shakers.”

Me: “…”

Grumpy Old Man: *picks up shaker to demonstrate*

Me: “I’m… sorry?”

Grumpy Old Man: “THERE’S NO SHAKE ROOM!”

Me: “I’ll get right on that.”


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Why Dracula No Longer Bites Crackheads

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2008

(A very old man with a Dracula Transylvania accent comes into the store. I am standing in an aisle restocking something, easily spotted by anyone entering the store.)

Dracula: “HO HO HO!” *it’s summer btw* “Where is everybody? All hands on deck! Can’t I get some f**king help here?!”

Me bewildered: “Uhm, I’m right here. What can I help you with sir?”

Dracula: “I need new razor blades.”

Me: “Okay, they are right over here.” *leads him to display* “What kind of razor do you have?”

Dracula: “I don’t know! Why does that matter? How am I supposed to know that?”

Me: “Well, there are different blades for each kind of razor. If you can look through the razors we have and show me what it looks like, I’ll get you fixed up.”

(Dracula finds his razor and I find his blades.)

Me: “Do you want the four-count or the eight-count? The eight-count costs a bit more.”

Dracula: “Give me the eight-count! You think I want to come back here every day? No one works here!”

(I get the blades for him and start heading toward the checkout. He stops me and snatches the blades from me.)

Dracula: “I need to see them first to make sure they’re right! *starts to open them*

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t just open things. We matched them up to your razor. I’m sure they are right.”

Dracula: *opens them anyway* “They’re right!”

(He hands them to me and again I move toward the checkout. Again, he stops me.)

Dracula: “What are you doing? Those are open. I’m not buying them!”

Me: “Sir, you were the one to open them after I clearly told you not to. So you are buying these. Next time, don’t open things you don’t want.”

(He grabs another box of the shelf and snatches the open box from me. He tosses it onto a lower shelf and says…)

Dracula: “You need a display anyway! You should have a display so people know what they are buying!”

Me: “Sir, I’m fairly certain that our customers with children would not appreciate an open razor blade display!”

(I snatch them up and sell him the unopened box; at this point, I just wanted him out of the store. We dealt with Dracula twice more.)

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I’m Sure They Can Make An Exception

, , , | Right | March 21, 2008

(An elderly woman drives up in her Mercedes and asks about our services.)

Woman: *in her Mercedes, after hearing prices* “These car washes aren’t expensive enough!” *drives away*

Manager: “I would’ve charged her more if she asked.”

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Must Be A Bunny Wabbit

, , | Right | March 16, 2008

Coworker: “Hi, can I start you off with any drinks or appetizers?”

Customer: “Lettuce!”

Coworker: “…”

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Gray, Green, Same Difference

, , | Right | March 15, 2008

(I was working at the paint desk, and it was on my first day of being trained how to mix the paint using the codes on the color swatches.)

Customer: “One gallon of this color, please.” *hands me a forest green color swatch*

Me: “Okay.”

(I mix the paint, my manager watching the paint can come out of the mixer and I pop the top off to make sure I didn’t screw up. And lo and behold, the paint is gray, not even close to the green he asked for.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir, I will have my manager re-do it for you. I am sorry about the wait.”

Customer: “No, no, don’t worry about it… that color is close enough.” *takes can and walks off*

My manager: *look of utter confusion*

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