Her Money Is Liquid

, , , , , , | Right | June 12, 2018

(I work in a coffee shop. It’s a slow night and I’m keeping an eye on the front counter. My friend has stopped by and we end up talking for a minute when a woman comes in and joins our conversation. At the end of our conversation, this scene comes into play:)

Woman: “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure! What can I do for you?”

(She leans in over the counter a little and glances around to see if anyone is watching.)

Woman: “I need five dollars. Do you have any on you?”

Me: “Um… No, I don’t have anything on me. What do you need five dollars for?”

Woman: *casually, as if there’s nothing weird about this scenario* “I just needed some money to buy a soda.”

Me: “Oh, you mean for here?”

(Our drinks are about a dollar plus tax, and I notice she only has a dollar with her. Right before I’m about to offer to pay for her drink, she cuts me off.)

Woman: “No, I wanted to get a pop from [Store down the block]. Are you sure you don’t have any money?” *she leans over and peers into the tip jar beside her* “I wouldn’t want you to take anything from the tip jar or the register, because [Manager who isn’t there] would probably rip you a new one.”

(At this point, I’m freaked out and annoyed at her persistence, even though I have told her four times that I don’t have money on me and I’m not giving her money from the tip jar or the register.)

Woman: “Well, are you sure you don’t have any in your coat pocket?”

Me: “I don’t. I’m broke.”

Woman: “Can you go look?”

(I hesitated, thinking she was going to steal from the tip jar while I’m away, but thankfully my friend had been standing behind the woman the entire time and kept an eye on her while I went back and talked to my coworker, who was also the acting manager for the evening. I explained what was going on, and she came back with me to try and get the woman to leave. As soon as the woman saw my coworker, she acted like nothing had happened and left. Apparently this woman is a known drinker and frequently comes around trying to bum money off of people. She’s even shown up at my coworker’s house!)

That Problem Is Licked… Literally

, , , , , | Right | June 12, 2018

(I am a cashier working the night shift. The store I work at installed chip readers last year, but people are still having trouble using them. A customer approaches my checkout stand at about 11 pm with his girlfriend, and I ring them up.)

Me: “Your total today comes to [total].”

Customer: “Okay. Slide or chip?”

Me: “Chip.”

(The customer proceeds to insert his card into the chip reader. It gives him an error message and tells him to remove the card. He tries again, only to get the same error. Visibly frustrated, he actually LICKS his card and sticks it back in!)

Me: “Did… Did you just lick your card?”

Customer: “Yeah. It upsets the machine and lets me swipe my card.”

(He swipes his card and it works.)

Girlfriend: “I feel uncomfortable.”

Eating For Two, Feeding For None

, , , , , , | Working | June 11, 2018

(I work with a woman who is a bit odd. One day, the entire department receives an e-mail from her:)

Email #1: “[Husband] and I have decided that it’s time to throw a party! Everyone is invited for [date]. As you might know, my brother is a gourmet chef, and he’s promised to cook a feast like you’ve never had before, so make sure you show up hungry!”

(I don’t like showing up at a party empty-handed, so I go to see her to ask if I can bring anything. Most of the other invitees do the same.)

Coworker: “No need; like I said, my brother will provide everything.”

(I notice that she looks slightly shifty when she says this, but I don’t think anything of it. Shortly after that, the entire department — except for the secretary — gets a second email from her.)

Email #2: “Psst… That first email was a ruse! This party is actually a bridal shower for [Secretary]. All the ladies are invited. See you then!”

(I have a very light lunch on the day of the shower and skip off to [Coworker]’s house, happily anticipating some gourmet goodies. There aren’t any. In fact, there is no food at all. It seems that the “my brother is going to cook a feast” bit was part of the ruse. [Coworker] doesn’t seem to realize that all of her guests, including the guest of honour, are hungry and grumpy. We all make excuses to leave early. I raid the fridge when I get home, much to my husband’s surprise.)

Husband: “What happened to your feast?”

Me: “Good question.”

(The following day, [Coworker] talked about how successful the party had been. She never noticed that all of us ladies were conspicuously silent.)

Awaiting The Frozen One

, , , , , | Right | June 8, 2018

(My boyfriend and I are at a bowling center to celebrate the birthday of a good friend. Everyone is having drinks and my boyfriend orders a chicken burger to eat.)

Waiter: “Here you go; one chicken burger. Enjoy your meal!” *walks away*

Boyfriend: “Hey, [My Name]. Could you try the burger? I think it is still frozen in the middle.”

(I try the burger and the chicken is indeed frozen. We call up the waiter to complain about it.)

Boyfriend: “Excuse me, but the chicken is still frozen inside. Also, the burger is pretty cold itself.”

Waiter: “I’m terribly sorry. Do you want a new chicken burger, or can I bring you something else?”

Boyfriend: “A new burger will do, thanks.”

(The waiter walks away. Meanwhile, I chat with a friend until I see the waiter returning with the new burger. I turn back to my boyfriend, only to see him stuffing half of the frozen burger inside his mouth. I am shocked. The waiter puts down the new plate and grabs the plate with the now noticeably smaller, old burger.)

Waiter: “Wait a minute. Did you just eat half of the burger you just complained about?”

Boyfriend: *while still chewing* “No! I don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would I do that? That would be pretty stupid.”

(The waiter looks disbelieving, but then walks away, probably thinking he is mistaken.)

Me: “What did you do that for? You got a new burger!”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, so? I’m really hungry and I didn’t want to pay for two burgers. It was a happy coincidence.”

(At the end of the evening, I gave the waiter a huge tip to compensate for the behavior of my boyfriend.)

Can’t Get A Pan Handle On The Situation

, , , , , , , | Working | June 8, 2018

(Our store allows for product exchanges on the condition that the item hasn’t been used and is still in good condition. We sell a lot of pots and pans, and the best way to tell if they’ve been used is by smelling them for the scent of any food. A lady comes up to the register with an expensive frying pan that has been removed from the packaging. This brand is exclusive to our store and is known to have quite bulky packaging.)

Customer #1: “I just want to exchange this for a different size, if that’s okay.”

Me: “Yup, that shouldn’t be a problem! Just making sure, has it been used?”

Customer #1: “No, I just took it out of the packaging to see if it would fit in my cupboard.”

(I let her go to find a smaller pan, and examine the one she left. It seems to be in perfect condition, but I give it a sniff and swear I can smell just a hint of spices, indicating that it may have been used. One of my coworkers is working the register with me.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1]! Can you take a look at this pan? I think it’s got a smell on it.”

([Coworker #1] comes and stands on my left and takes a whiff.)

Coworker #1: “Um… I’m not too sure. It seems to be fine, though.”

Me: “I don’t know.” *takes the pan back and smells it again* “I swear I can smell chili, or pepper, or something.”

(A second coworker comes to my right side.)

Coworker #2: “What’s going on?”

Coworker #1: “[My Name] thinks this pan’s been used; what do you think?”

([Coworker #2] gives it a good sniff, putting her face up close to it, then shakes her head.)

Coworker #2: “Nah, it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Me: *takes another sniff* “Are you sure?”

Coworker #1: *takes a sniff up close* “Yeah, I think she’s right.”

Me: *takes it back and sniffs again* “Okay, maybe I’m just imagining it, then.”

Coworker #2: *double-checking, smells the pan again* “Yeah, it’s fine, hasn’t been used.”

Customer #2: “Um… Excuse me?”

(All three of us look up and see a man waiting to be served, standing there with an odd expression on his face. It’s at that moment we realise he has been watching the three of us standing at the counter in a huddle, passing around a pan and taking turns to sniff it all while talking in hushed voices. Immediately, [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] scatter off in opposite directions and I quickly place the pan to the side and plaster on a big smile.)

Me: “Next waiting!”

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