Unable To Move On

, , , , | | Right | July 6, 2019

(As I’m sending one of my coworkers on break, a woman stops her. I tell her she’s trying to go on break but the woman says it will just be quick. I shrug and go back to work. A minute or two later, the woman comes up to me.)

Woman: “She didn’t want to hear what I had to say.”

Me: “Okay…?”

Woman: “I just wanted to say I bought a pie here the other day and it was awful.”

Me: “Oh. Well, I can get a manager for you—“

Woman: “No, I don’t want a manager. I just want someone to listen to me.”

Me: “Uh, okay?”

(At this point a line is forming up behind her so I’m kind of trying to get her to buy whatever she has in her hands and move on.)

Woman: “When someone has a complaint you just say, ‘Thank you,’ and move on.”

Me: “O… kay… um… do you want your receipt?”

Woman: “No. I just want someone to listen. When someone complains you just say, ‘Thank you.’”

Me: “Okay. Well, you have a nice day.”

(My voice and tone had not changed throughout this entire transaction, except for me being kind of confused. Then, suddenly…)

Woman: *angry* “Well, you don’t have to get offended!”

Me: “I’m… not?”

Woman: “Well, you were. There’s no reason to get offended. You just say, ‘Thank you,’ and move on!”

(Then, she stormed off. I still have no idea what was going on.)

I Am Real And So Are Your Drugs

, , , | | Right | July 5, 2019

(I am tending to a line of customers.)

Me: “Next, please.”

(The woman doesn’t move.)

Me: “Miss? You’re next.”

(She looks at me and grunts.)

Woman: “You don’t exist.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure I do.”

(She lets the rest of the line pass by until she is the only one left. I try everything in my power to prove I’m real to her, but she adamantly refuses to believe it, fully knowing I have just served about ten people right in front of her. My manager comes down eventually to ask me something and the woman interrupts.)

Woman: “WAIT! YOU’RE REAL?”

Manager: *bewildered* “Me?”

Woman: “Both of you.”

Manager: “Yes?”

Woman: *to me* “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

(My expression must have been murderous, as the woman actually took a step back, and my manager told me to take a break. When he came down after serving her, he told me she’d said that “weed and crack don’t mix well with me,” and then tried to give my manager a spliff to hand on to me to “calm me down.” My manager politely refused and called the police once she left. We don’t know if they caught up with her, and thankfully, I haven’t seen her since.)

It’s A Small World After All

, , , , | | Friendly | July 4, 2019

(My last name is rare for my home area, and almost non-existent outside of it, due to going through at least five different spellings since my ancestors arrived through Ellis Island. For the sake of argument, I’ll just say it’s Krueger. I’ve arrived in Dublin for the first time ever and am checking into my hostel. I show the guy manning the desk my passport to verify my reservation. He checks me in, and then stares hard at my passport.)

Guy: *in a Midwest accent* “[My Name] Krueger? Are you related to [Female Name] Krueger, from [My Town], Wisconsin?”

Me: “Yeah… that’s my older sister.”

Guy: *laughing* “I dated her for a couple of months when I was living in [Town five miles away from my town] back in middle school.”

(My family and I have always joked that my very social sister has contacts all over the world, but this is getting ridiculous!)

The China Syndrome

, , , , , , | | Right | July 2, 2019

(I work at a paint and sip bar. On Mondays and Tuesdays, I watch over the shop to answer phones, clean up, etc. I am not the owner but they trust me enough to be alone on these days, so I don’t have a set lunch break. Since they don’t take a lunch break out of my pay I usually eat at the desk and answer emails at the same time. I also sit there in case anyone comes in to ask a question. Most of the time when this happens they ask really quickly, notice my lunch, and then just take a pamphlet and leave me alone which is really nice. This happens when I am waiting for my lunch to cool off after just reheating it. Note, it is in a Tupperware container, not a take-out container.)

Customer: *as they are coming in the door* “What is it that you all do here exactly?”

Me: “Well, it’s a paint and sip bar, so we do public classes and private parties where people follow along step by step with an instructor, and there is a bar with wine and beer over there in the back.”

Customer: *eyeing my still-steaming lunch* “Uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. Your lunch smells good. What Chinese place did you get that from?”

Me: “Oh, I made it last night; it’s leftovers from dinner.”

Customer: “You can’t just make Chinese food. You aren’t Chinese; you wouldn’t know how. You don’t have to tell me, but maybe I won’t come to your classes since you obviously aren’t helpful.” *leaves with a pamphlet still in hand*

Me: *to myself* “What? Okay.”

Michiganese

, , , , , | | Right | July 2, 2019

(I live in Texas but am originally from Michigan. My accent can be described as “generic American,” and although I do have a tendency to speak quickly, I am very good at enunciating. I am working at a call center that only has branches in the contiguous United States.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Call Center]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Hello, sir! Thank you for calling–“

Customer: “Ugh, hello?! Do you speak English?”

Me: *taken aback* “Um, yes, sir, I do-“

Customer: “Stupid girl, transfer me to someone who speaks English!”

Me: “Sir, I assure you that I am speaking English—”

Customer: “Transfer me to someone who doesn’t have a Chinese accent! D*** Asians.”

Me: “Uh… you… what?”

Customer: “TRANSFER ME TO SOMEONE WHO AIN’T CHINESE.”

Me: *fed up and seriously confused* “Yes, sir, please hold.” *transfers him to the Spanish-speaking line*

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