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A Sickening Amount Of Line Cutting

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2022

The post office has a red light installed at the entrance that shows if the post office is full (maximum of six customers) or not. If the light is green, you can enter. If not, you have to wait until someone leaves.

I have been waiting for a few minutes and am next in line, standing right before the door outside, when, all of a sudden, a woman comes from behind and tries to squeeze past me, pushing me in the process. Irritated, I reflexively hold out my arm to block her from entering, because, well, I am next in line and the light is red, so no one is allowed to go in.

Me: “Hey, you can’t go in right now. I am next!”

Woman: “But I only need to fill out a form!”

She physically tries to push past me again.

Me: “So what? You cannot just cut in line!”

Woman: “But I only have to fill out a form; I don’t have a package!”

At this point, she is still trying to push me, and I REALLY do not like that, so I firmly plant myself in front of the door and confront her.

Me: “That does not matter! We are all waiting to go in. Will you please back up?!”

She just stares at me like I have suddenly grown two heads and starts yelling:

Woman: “You are sick! You are a sick person, that’s what you are! You need help!

Me: *Flabbergasted* “What?!”

Woman:You are a sick person! You are a psychopath! You need help! You need a psychiatrist!

While she is having her tantrum, another man has managed to slip past me and inside the building, while the light is still red. It happens so fast and I am so distracted that I have no time to react at all. Of course, once the woman sees this, she grows even angrier.

Woman: “Why do you let him go in front? Is this a joke? It’s because I am a foreigner! You Germans are all the same!”

While she does have an accent, this obviously has nothing to do with the fact that I do not want her to just cut in line. She’s also not wearing a mask, which is mandatory at this time.

I am so done with her and do not want to cause any more drama, so I just turn around and try to ignore her while she continues her tirade. After about the tenth “YOU ARE SICK!” comment, I counter:

Me: “Well, I am not sick, but if you do not wear a mask, you soon will be!”

Woman: “I am not sick! You are a psycho! I am a doctor!”

Luckily, the light then went green and I could finally go in. When I came back out, she was gone, fortunately.

The post workers could not see the entrance directly from their counters because of how the building was organized. If they could, maybe one of them might have intervened.

Anyone Else Starving?

, , , | Right | June 9, 2022

A client and I are talking about a fancy image border.

Client: “I really don’t like it. We have a lot of work to do on this one. This looks too much like tagliatelle. It’s really, really wrong. I want it to be more like spaghetti. It is very important.”

Me: “All right, we’ll give it another try.”

After a small round of feedback with really minor, almost unnoticeable revisions, the client calls me crying.

Client: “No. No. First, you show me a whipped cream cake, and now you want me to agree with this pumpkin pie? I don’t want pumpkin pie. I want cake! I want it back the way it was, but please pay attention this time: spa-ghe-tti.”

Why Don’t People Just Chuck Things Back Where They Found Them?

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2022

I am a delivery driver/merchandiser. One day, as I was stocking magazines on an eighteen-foot rack, I kept smelling something rank but not really strong. I kept searching over and under all along the rack.

After about twenty minutes of looking, up under the rear of the top rack, I found a chuck roast that had a sell-by date that was two weeks prior. It was essentially gray, almost black, and hadn’t leaked.

Someone had to get on all fours and twist into an odd angle and then place it in a nook in the rear of the top rack.

A Godly Glitch

, , , , , | Right | June 6, 2022

I worked in the photo department of a pharmacy store chain a few years ago. Our card machine randomly spat out three pamphlets for a funeral service that had been ordered about ten days prior. It was weird because our orders only stayed in the system for three days. Neither my manager nor I could not figure out how it had printed these pamphlets, but we finally shrugged and I threw them on top of our waste pile.

About an hour later, a woman came up to my counter.

Woman: *Quietly* “How long are orders stored? My brother’s funeral was last week, and I wasn’t able to get one of the pamphlets.”

I just stared at her for a second, then walked over, grabbed the mysterious pamphlets, and placed them in front of her. They were for her brother’s funeral.

Me: “Our machine randomly printed these three copies out for no reason.”

The woman started crying.

Woman: “How much do I owe you?”

I just laughed.

Me: “We don’t charge for acts of God.”

It was the only explanation I could come up with.

They Have A Forking Problem

, , , , | Right | June 6, 2022

Customer: “Can I have sixteen forks? I know we only have two people, but I’m serious. I drop forks a lot.”