An Aww-Inspiring Encounter

, , , , | Friendly | June 11, 2017

(I have come down with an extremely sore throat, to the extent that swallowing hurts so much it causes me to tear up. The only way I am able to fall asleep is to tilt my head down and constantly drool onto my pillow so that I will not be woken up by the pain of swallowing my spit. The only thing that makes the pain tolerable is to constantly suck on lozenges. After a couple days I run out, and go to the store for more. I head to the display they were at before, and see that the sale is no longer on.)

Me: “Awwww…”

(I start to reach for the shelf that held my favourite flavour, only to realize it was sold out.)

Me: “Awwww…”

(I start to reach for my next-favourite flavour, but find that shelf is also empty.)

Me: “Awwww…”

(The customer beside me couldn’t help herself and cracked up. I explained my thought process in my very raspy voice, and I shared a painful laugh with her, which was a high point of the whole experience. Especially considering that, after days of sucking on what is essentially a medicated candy pretty much every waking moment, completely ignoring the recommended daily limit, I ended up developing sores in my mouth in addition to the nasty throat. And now I know why there is a recommended daily limit.)

Trained To Take Trains From High-Vis Staff

, , , , , | Right | June 10, 2017

(I am a contract truck driver doing short haul. This means I catch a train to where the truck is, drive it and then catch a train to the next job or home. I have a large bag of essentials and a small folding bike with me, but above all I am wearing a hi-vis jacket. I catch a LOT of trains. I have just dropped off a truck at Gatwick Airport and am standing perusing the departure board for the trains when someone comes and taps me on the shoulder.)

American Lady: “Excuse me, can you tell me where the train to Victoria goes from?”

Me: “Erm… From Platform 4 or 5, they alternate. Take the lift over there and listen to the announcements.”

(I turned back and work out my own train was going in 20 minutes from Platform 7. As I was about to head there another couple approached me with the same question. I directed them, too… and the next… and the next. At one point I had a small queue. At no point did anyone question that I had a bike and bag with me. They just saw the hi-vis and made the assumption. After 15 minutes I made my escape and caught my own train.)

Trying To Get A Foothold On The Performance

, , , , | Learning | June 9, 2017

(I am in an adult improv class. Our first public performance is tomorrow night. The teacher is going over what students need to know about the show.)

Student #1: “Do we have to wear shoes tomorrow night for the performance?”

Teacher: “Yes, you have to wear shoes.”

Student #2: “Do flip-flops count?”

Teacher: “Seriously? Why can’t you just wear normal shoes?”

Student #2: “I don’t wear shoes.”

Teacher: “What if you were going to a wedding?”

Student #2: “I don’t go to weddings.”

Student #3: “What if I henna’d my feet?”

Teacher: “Okay, if you go to the trouble to get your feet henna’d by tomorrow, you can go barefoot.”

Student #2: “I just don’t feel grounded if I’m wearing shoes.”

Teacher: “Remember when I said last week that you can wear anything you want, but to make some effort to look nice?!”

Student #3: “Bare feet look nice.”

(Did I mention that this was a class for ADULTS?)

Idiot, Name Thyself

, , , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(A few days after Christmas, I come down with a flu bug that is going around, so I go to the after-hours clinic in our local city. When we arrive, there is at least a two-hour wait, so I sit patiently waiting my turn. About an hour in, one of the nurses comes out, and the following occurs:)

Nurse: “[Woman]?”

(She looks around the waiting room, and then into the hallway, calling her name a few times, then back into the office. Ten minutes later, after three other patients have gone back.)

Nurse: “[Woman]?”

(She looks around again in the waiting room and into the hallway, obviously getting frustrated, then back into the office. Ten more minutes pass, and more patients are escorted into the office. About this time, a very nicely dressed woman steps up to the nurse’s station asking how much longer of a wait she will have. The nurse behind the desk is looking at the list when another nurse comes out calling another patient’s name, and when they don’t answer, the nurse behind the desk points to the woman standing in front of her.)

Nurse: “[Woman]?”

Woman: *rudely* “No, my name is [Other Name], but my given name is [Woman]. I just choose not to answer to it.”

(The nurses inwardly face-palmed, and the patients in the waiting room burst out laughing.)

Their Common Sense Expires Months Ago

, , , | Right | June 7, 2017

(My office focuses on wholesale business. We deal with stores across the US that sell the products we manufacture. This phone call is from a small business that sells a few of our products. My coworker takes the call.)

Store: “I need to update my credit card information.”

Coworker: “Ok, let me pull up your information.” *pulls up info* “I see we have a card on file that ends in [numbers].”

Store: “No, no, no, that’s the old card. I need to give you the new number. I can’t believe you didn’t call and tell me my card was out of date!”

Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry no one contacted you, but I can go ahead and get the new card on file now.”

Store: *gives updated credit card information*

Coworker: “Okay, I’ve got that on file now, but I don’t see a pending order.”

Store: “I don’t have a pending order because you didn’t have my updated credit card information.”

Coworker: “Oh, I see. Can I place the order for you now, since we’ve got the new card on file?”

Store: “NO, I DON’T WANT TO PLACE AN ORDER. I JUST WANTED TO UPDATE MY CREDIT CARD!”

Coworker: “Ok, well, we’ve got it now, so it will charge when you place your next order.”

Store: “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me it was expired.”

Coworker: “If you don’t have a pending order that’s held up by an expired card, then we don’t know that the card is expired.”

Store: “So you have to wait until the order is held up?”

Coworker: “Well, yes, because we have thousands of customers. We can’t monitor every single credit card to see when it’s about to expire.”

Store: “But you sent me an email saying it was out of date.”

Coworker: “….but I thought we hadn’t contacted you…”

Store: “It’s an old email from months ago. It says you can’t process my order until I update my credit card.”

Coworker: “Well, you must have updated it back then, because you don’t have any pending orders, nor any cancelled or on-hold orders.”

Store: “Then why did you send me this email?”

Coworker: “You said it was from months ago? You may have had a pending order months ago, but I can see that all of your placed orders have been processed. We aren’t currently holding anything for you.”

Store: “This email IS from months ago. I updated my card months ago as well. I’m just now reading the email!”

Coworker: “Okay, well, the new card information you just gave me was different from what was on file. So, has your credit card information changed since the last time you updated it?”

Store: “YES!”

Coworker: “So do you need to place an order?”

Store: “NO! NO, I DON’T!!!”

Coworker: “I’m not sure why you’re angry, then?”

Store: “YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME!” *click*

Me: “So she’s mad at us for not being mind readers?”

Coworker: “I guess…?”

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