The Classic Signatures Of A Crazy Customer

, , , , | Right | October 29, 2019

(Our credit card PIN pad, like most, asks the customer for their signature, either with the little stylus or with their finger. I’m ringing out a customer.)

Customer: “This is illegal, you know.”

Me: “What? What is?”

(Everything has been normal until now, so I am very confused.)

Customer: “This isn’t my signature since it’s not on paper. It’s electronic, so it’s not my signature. That’s illegal.”

Me: “I… don’t think so?”

Customer: “IT’S ILLEGAL!”

(She signs anyway and I give her the receipt, which she snatches. As she storms off:)

Customer: “I’m going to call the Better Business Bureau!” 

(When I mentioned it to my manager later he said I could have printed a paper one for her to sign, but I didn’t know that. I hope she did call the BBB so they could laugh at her.)

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Friends By Blood

, , , , , , | Friendly | October 29, 2019

(I am visiting a friend and her family and we are having a nice dinner party. Since a couple of guests are late, the front door is unlocked. We look towards the door when we hear someone sprinting up the steps and a young man rushes in, covered in blood.)

Bloody Guy: *somewhat panicked* “[Friend]! I need… I need plastic wrap! A lot of it!”

(The room is quiet for a few moments.)

Friend: *snaps out of it* “Is someone hurt? I think I have a first aid kit.”

Bloody Guy: “No, no one needs a first aid kit. Just plastic wrap, and maybe if you have a big cooler?”

(My friend goes to check for the requested items. Bloody Guy stands there, still kind of breathing heavily.)

Other Guest: “What the f*** is going on?”

Bloody Guy: *blinks, and then suddenly has a moment of obvious realization* “Oh. S***. This looks real bad, huh?”

Other Guest: “Uh, yeah.”

(The bloody guy starts laughing and shouts outside for his girlfriend to come in. She’s also covered in blood, but smiling awkwardly.)

Bloody Girl: “Uh, hi?”

Bloody Guy: *grins* “Hey, babe, tell ’em what happened tonight.”

Bloody Girl: *excitable* “I got in a car accident! With a deer. It’s in my trunk. Wanna see?”

([Friend] comes back with plastic wrap and everyone goes outside; yep, that’s a dead, gutted deer in the trunk, and a screwed-up car. They needed plastic wrap to prevent more blood from getting on the carpeting of the trunk.)

Bloody Guy: *laughing* “I think they thought I killed somebody!”

(It turned out that [Bloody Guy] was a local legend who also happens to be [Friend]’s brother. He was notorious for making local legislation consider making a law to prohibit people from riding livestock on the road in the downtown/shopping district.)

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Sam Beckett Has Leaped Into The Phone Line

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2019

(It’s a typical morning at work, before the afternoon crowd gets in. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Store]. This is—”

(There’s a sound over the line, like someone dropping the receiver on the other end. Once it stops, I try again.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

(Silence.)

Me: “Hello?”

(I’m about to hang up, when suddenly a voice comes over the line so loudly I have to jerk the phone away from my ear.)

Caller: “Oh, boy!”

Me: “Hello?”

(No response. The caller never says another word, and after a minute, I just hang up.)

Manager: *seeing my expression* “What’s wrong?”

Me: “I don’t know.”

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Let’s Hope This Problem Doesn’t Repeat Itself

, , , , , | Learning | October 28, 2019

(I’ve always been very nerdy and a lot of my friends have also been nerds, which is not always easy on our poor teachers. When I’m in middle school, my friend and I come to our science teacher to resolve something we’ve been arguing about for almost two days straight.)

Me: *walks into the classroom with my friend* “Hi, [Science Teacher].”

Science Teacher: “Hey, [My Name], hey, [Friend].”

Friend: “Can you answer a question for us?”

Science Teacher: “Sure. What’s your question?”

Me: “If you cloned yourself, would that clone be more like your sibling or your child? I think it’d be more like your child and [Friend] thinks it’d be more like a sibling.”

Science Teacher: *looks at us, clearly questioning the sanity of these two little nerd girls* “Probably sibling, since they’re still a mix of your parents’ DNA.”

Friend: “I told you!”

(I still wonder what exactly was going through his head when we asked that question.)

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Turning Into A Vicious Cycle(ist)

, , , , | Right | October 24, 2019

(Two ladies are trying to bring a tricycle and a bicycle onto the bus. The tricycle is small enough to go on the bus, but the bicycle has to be put on the bike rack attached to the front of the bus. For some reason, [Lady #2] is just not having that, so [Lady #1] decides to take matters into her hands.)

Bus Driver: “I’m sorry, but we need the space for strollers and people in wheelchairs.”

Lady #1: “So what? I just have to leave it here?”

(The bus driver ponders for a moment, but before she can respond, [Lady #1] becomes belligerent.)

Lady #1: “Unbe-f******-lievable! [Transit Organization] said I could do this! You want me to take these bikes back to [Store], huh?! Is that it?!”

Bus Driver: “Ma’am, you need to get off the bus.”

Lady #1: “Fine!” *walks off the bus* “You know what?! Tell me your bus num—”

(The bus doors shut and the bus began to leave. As we left, [Lady #1] pounded on the bus door, then banged her tricycle against the side of the bus. The best part? The bus driver told us all that she was actually going to let the ladies bring the bike on and ride the bus until they got in the way of other passengers, but [Lady #1] went belligerent before the bus driver could say yes!)

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