A Glitch In The Matrix?

, , , | Working | February 16, 2021

I work in a gas station. Many times when our delivery truck arrives, it requires at least three people to unload it, check it, and sort it all out, all during business hours. This day is no different, but it is the first of the month, on a Friday, which means EVERYONE is at our store making purchases. It is an absolute nightmare. In the end, one of my supervisors and two of my coworkers have to go into the back to run the truck, leaving me alone to deal with a line of customers at the counter and a line of customers at the window.

This is a normal arrangement for us, as I am the quickest and most accurate worker. So, I’m running a line of cars wrapped around the building and a line of people out the door, and the phone rings. Caller ID says it’s the other half of the store, so I figure my other supervisor is either calling to check on me, to see if I need anything, to ask for the supervisor running the truck for something, or to see if we have something in stock now that has been sold out.

Me: “Hey, [Supervisor], I’ve got two lines. What do you need?”

Coworker: *Sounding extremely confused* “[My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, [Coworker], do you need something? Make it fast, please.”

Coworker:Where are you right now?”

Me: “Well, I thought I was in the store, but now I’m not sure. Is this important?”

Coworker: “Did you just come out of the little casino?”

This seems unimportant and I’m very busy, so I just hang up on her and go back to waiting on my lines. Almost immediately after, my supervisor appears in the door from the back, and she looks as confused as my coworker sounded when she sees me.

Supervisor: “[My Name], did you just come in from the little casino?”

Me: *To the customers in line* “Hey, guys, I’ve been in here by myself for the past fifteen minutes at least, haven’t I?”

They all agree that I’ve not left the store for anything but to get items from the back and haven’t been gone long enough for anything else. My supervisor calls in my coworkers to come and take over and takes me into the back. She doesn’t look angry; she looks bewildered.

Supervisor: “[My Name], [Coworker] and I both saw you come out of the front restrooms, not in uniform, and go into the little casino. [Coworker] peeked in and confirmed you were in there, and we called to see where you were.”

For a couple of years now, I’ve had people periodically come up to me and talk to me as if they know me. As my mom is heavily into genealogy, I’ve always just assumed these are people she’s made connections with and played along because it kind of annoys people when I tell them I don’t know them. In fact, I had one at the start of my shift today, which is why I remember it now. I’m finally able to put two and two together.

Me: “I think I have a doppelganger wandering around.”

We go to the door to the cage of the little casino and ask the cashier if she’s seen a woman who looks like me.

Cashier: “Her? Yeah, she comes in a couple of times a month and plays the slots, is rude, and never tips. She looks just like you.”

From then on, when someone would start to speak as if they knew me, my first answer was to always tell them, “I’m [My Name]. You’re thinking of the other one.” And, for the record, I do not have a twin sister at all.

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This Relationship Doesn’t Sound Like A Party

, , , , , | Romantic | February 16, 2021

I’m a woman and one of my best friends is a man. We tend to make pretty crude jokes to each other. One day, I find a truly awful piece of “art” for sale on a site for handmade goods; the best words to describe it would be “unicorn sex party.” I can’t resist, and I email my best friend the link with some silly comment like, “Hey, now I know what to get you for your birthday!” The following day, he yells at me.

Friend: “Why did you email that link? My wife was really offended!”

Me: “I didn’t mean to offend anyone; I was just being silly. Why was she offended, though? I sent it to you.”

My friend speaks slowly, as though explaining something to a child.

Friend: “Because we share the same email address. You know, like all normal married couples do. I’m sure you and [Husband] have the same address.”

Me: “You’d lose that bet because no, we don’t.”

Friend: *Pauses* “Really? You mean that you get emails that he doesn’t see, and vice-versa?”

Me: “Yes?”

Friend: “Huh. I’d never trust [Wife] that much, and I know for a fact that she wouldn’t trust me.”

I learned something about my friend’s marriage that day. I couldn’t help but be a bit sad.

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Making A Stand Over Candy

, , , | Right | February 15, 2021

I work in an assisted living facility. A woman comes into the front lobby and asks for our director. She’s expecting her for an interview.

Me: “I will let [Director] know you’re here.”

The woman keeps standing over my desk, staring at me.

Me: “You’re welcome to have a seat.”

Woman: “No, thank you.”

She continues to stand there, hovering.

Me: “Okay…”

I call the director to let her know her interview is here and then continue my typing work. She is still standing there.

Woman: “Is that for everybody?”

She points to candy on my desk that is partially hidden by the taller part of my desk and phone.

Me: “No… that’s my coworker’s.”

The woman gives me a suspicious look.

Woman: “Okay.”

Me: “I can’t just hand it out.”

Woman: “Fine.”

She crossed her arms and pouted. My boss came out and they went off for the interview. The candy was mine, by the way, not a random coworker’s. But who does that?! Lurking over a reception desk, not taking a seat when it’s offered, and trying to pilfer someone’s candy that’s obviously hidden on their desk…

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A Potential Bio Hazard

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2021

I work at a library reference desk. We often get calls from people who are unable or don’t like to look up addresses and phone numbers on the Internet. I get a call from an older lady.

Me: “[City] public library, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, can you look up the address for [Church in Neighboring City]?”

Me: “Sure thing. It’s [address].”

Customer: “Thank you. And can you tell me the pastor’s name?”

Me: “Um… sure. According to the church’s website, his name is [Pastor].”

Customer: “Can you tell me a little more about him? Like, how old he is and where he went to school?”

I’m more than a little weirded out.

Me: “Well, it looks like the website has a little bio on him.”

Customer: “Yes, a bio! Perfect! Can you tell me if he’s married or has children?”

I quickly summarize the pastor’s bio, trying to figure out what she wants with this information, and including the information listed about his wife and kids.

Customer: “So he’s married and has children?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Can you tell me the age range of his children?”

Me: “No, the bio doesn’t have that information.”

Customer: “Oh. Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. It just says [repeats information].”

Customer: “Okay. Thank you! Have a blessed day.”

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Liquid Butter And Chemicals

, , , , | Right | February 15, 2021

One of our popcorn machines catches fire due to some wiring problems. We put it out pretty quickly with a fire extinguisher and bring it outside. I am tasked with cleaning out the popcorn and extinguisher before we store it somewhere.

A man comes up to me as I’m cleaning the popper and points at the popcorn in the trash which is covered in extinguisher chemicals.

Customer: “This popcorn any good?”

Me: *Laughs* “It’s in the trash, sir.”

Customer: “Mind if I take a handful?”

Me: *Laughs again* “Very fun—”

Before I even finish my sentence he grabs a big handful from the trash can and walks away.

Me: “Sir, that has chemicals on it!”

He keeps walking.

Me: “Sir, it’s not safe to eat!”

He still continued. I immediately called my manager on the walkie to tell him what. The manager and security met him in the parking lot and asked if he’d eaten the popcorn. He refused to say he did, probably for fear of getting in trouble, but his mouth was covered in it. I hope the treat was worth it.

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