In Soviet Russia, Rooms Rest You!

, , , , | Right | August 7, 2017

(My family moved from Sweden to America when I was a teenager. As a result, we had pretty obvious accents. In high school I got a job at a clothing store. Most people who heard me speak either seemed curious and would ask me where I was from or simply didn’t comment. One day, an older man walked into the store and came up to me.)

Man: “Hello, I was wondering if you could point me to the restrooms?”

Me: “Oh, of course! They’re just down this aisle. I can show you if you’d like.”

(The man stared at me suspiciously for a few long moments before he motioned for me to step a little closer. I did so nervously. His expression was very, very grave and serious.)

Man: “Tell me straight. Are you a communist?”

(I barely managed to suppress my laughter and assured him that I was not a communist. I then quickly showed him to the restrooms and proceeded to laughed myself sick.)

Vegans Get Unjust Desserts

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2017

Patron: “Do you have any non-dairy ice cream?”

Me: “Yes, we do. At the bottom.”

Patron: “Why are they all the way down there? It makes you look anti-vegan.”

Me: “Because that’s where our desserts are…”

Mutiny Speaks Volumes

, , , , , | Learning | August 2, 2017

(My research professor and one of my lab-mates are trying to figure out a complicated series of dilution equations.)

Lab-Mate: “No, we should leave it in liters instead of converting it to microliters; it makes it too complicated. Liters never change.”

Professor: “Unless there’s a mutiny!”

Flipping Your Mood

, , , , | Hopeless | August 1, 2017

(I’m very bored as I have been assigned fitting room duty and it is a slow day. A middle-aged man approaches me with little girl flip-flops.)

Man: “Can I try these in the change room.”

(Before I can reply he bursts out laughing.)

Man: “I’m sorry you should’ve seen your face!”

Me: “What?”

Man: “You looked bored so I thought I’d come over here and do that.”

Me: “Oh… thank you!”

(His thoughtfulness made me smile the rest of the day.)

Mrs. Reaper And Her Kids

, , , , | Friendly | July 30, 2017

(My husband is very tall, thin, and pale, and has some heavy scarring on his face from a car accident. He is also pretty quiet and naturally has a stern-looking face, and usually wears dark clothes with long sleeves to cover more scars on his arms. People are often intimidated by him, but he is actually very sweet and a little bit shy. One of my coworkers has young daughters about the same age as our sons, so we set up some play dates. My husband loves children and spends a lot of time playing with the kids. My coworker relays this story about her daughter to me a few weeks later, after Halloween.)

Daughter’s Classmate: “If you go out alone on Halloween, the Grim Reaper will catch you and chop off your head!”

Daughter: “No, he won’t! I’ve met the Grim Reaper. He’s really nice!”

Daughter’s Classmate: “No way! How?”

Daughter: *proudly* “My mom knows his husband. I play with their kids all the time.”

(My coworker said that she explained that my husband is NOT the Grim Reaper, after she stopped laughing.)

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