… And Elvis Has Left The Building!

, , , | Right | November 30, 2007

Me: “Thank you for calling [Video Rental store].”

Her: “Yes, I see in your ad this week that you have Happy Feet out.”

Me: “Yes, it’s out for the Playstation 2.”

Her: “That’s not the movie?”

Me: “No, it is not.”

Her: “When is it coming?”

Me: “It’s out in theaters right now. We have no date on when it is coming.”

Her: “Well is there anything that can show my grandkids how to do the dance?”

Me: “Not that I am aware of.”

Her: “Well I got this book for my grandkids and it shows the penguins…” *goes on for what feels like an HOUR about some book and teaching them some dance from the movie. I sorta doze on and off since her voice is very… shall I say… monotone, flat, and boring. Finally…* “…so the main reason why I’m calling.”

Me: (you mean to tell me all this was a SECONDARY reason why you called?) “Yes ma’am.”

Her: “Do you believe in Christ?”

Me: “Uh…” *customer comes up with stackfull of DVDs* “I gotta go now. Bye.” *hangs up phone*

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Not Just Any Warm Crunchy Bread, Mind You

, , | Right | November 26, 2007

Me: “So, what can I get you?”

Hobo: “I’m pretty hungry so I guess I’ll have…” *stares at the menu*

(Three minutes later:)

Me: “I’ll come ba–”

Hobo: “I want some toast!”

Me: “Okay, toast is all. I’ll be right back.”

Hobo: “Yeah, that’s what I want… French toast.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Hobo: “I want some French toast. How much does that cost?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we don’t have French toast.”

Hobo: “Then what do you have?”

Me: “Um… toast?”

Hobo: “Toast? What’s that?”

*long pause*

Me: “Warm, crunchy bread, sir.”

Hobo: “Yeah, bring me some white, warm, crunchy bread!”


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Well, That Came Out Of Nowhere

, , , | Right | November 21, 2007

(Two middle-aged women walk into the store.)

Woman #1: “I need a guitar stand for my son.”

Me: “Let me go grab one for you.”

(I go into the back for a minute and return with the stand.)

Me: “They’re $18.95 plus tax.”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman #2: “You’re an animal. It’s a good thing.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Woman #2: *to [Woman #1]* “I don’t know why people always get confused when I tell them that…”

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Psst… The Sun Gives You Cancer, Too

, , , | Right | November 16, 2007

(I begin to ring up a customer’s purchases at the register.)

Customer: “Wait! When you ring up the bagged bulk items, don’t put them on the part the laser shines through. Weigh them on the metal, please.”

Me: “Is it a problem if I scan everything else?”

Customer: “No, it’s just that the bags are clear and the laser gives you cancer.”

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How Do These People Remember How To Breathe?

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2007

(An older lady comes into the store. She doesn’t know me, yet decides to make me intimately knowledgeable about her husband’s surgery. She eventually runs out of steam when I don’t respond and looks around at the books on the shelves.)

Lady: “I like books.”

Me: “Good! Anything you’re looking for?”

Lady: *ignores my question* “I saw on TV that books are good to have because they make your house look nice.”

Me: *barely stifling a smile* “Really? I heard they’re also good to read.”

(Evidently, my comment goes right over her head.)

Lady: “And you can use them to prop up the bed.”

(Her husband buys books and then swiftly escorts her out.)


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