(I get off work at night, and want to pick up something quick for dinner. I put an order in online at a restaurant chain that closes in a half-hour, and I’m on my way over to the restaurant when I get a text from my sister.)

Sister: “Do you want me to pick up your to-go order?”

(I have not told my sister about my takeout plans, nor have I shared my rewards account info with her.)

Me: “Huh?”

Sister: “Your to-go order from [Restaurant].”

Me: “How do you know?”

(Then, I get a call from my sister.)

Sister: “I was waiting for my to-go order and I saw [My First Initial, Our Last Name] pop up on the screen.”

Me: “Didn’t you think it was yours, just misspelled?”

Sister: “Or maybe it was [Cousin]’s order.”

(We have a very unusual last name, but yes, somehow my sister and I had the same idea that night of going to the same restaurant within a few minutes. I was only a couple blocks away when we spoke so I picked up my own food. Sure enough, I saw her at home with the same restaurant’s bag.)

(I have quite a few people from other countries come into my store. It is pretty common for us to attempt to communicate with charades. I am working the service desk, and a woman comes up to me.)

Customer: “I need strippas.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “STRIPPAS! I need strippas for my panties!”

(I am staring at her as though she is insane.)

Me: “I don’t believe we sell strippers here…”

(She then takes a bag and demonstrates what panties are by holding it against herself.)

Customer: “Strippas for elastic. My elastic no good. Need strippas.”

(I figured she was talking about elastic coming out of her panties. So, I pointed her toward the fabric counter. A few minutes later she ran out of the store, screaming, “TOO MUCH!”)

(I am checking out a customer. I hand him a dollar in change and then lightly drop coins into his hand.)

Customer: *gives me a look* “You could have just handed me my change like I handed you the money, instead of just dropping it into my hand.”

(I think to myself… I did hand you the money, but it’s impossible to place a bunch of coins directly into your hand unless you want me to count them out one by one.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I meant no disrespect.”

Customer: “Yeah, you’re sorry, but you still did it, huh?” *turns to his friend and my coworker* “Did you just see how she handed me my money? So disrespectful! I can’t believe how rude.”

(The man leaves.)

Coworker: *giggles* “Jeez. I saw the way you handed it to him; it was completely normal, and he just acted like you just kicked his puppy.”

Me: “Good morning, [Law Firm]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “WHO IS THIS?!”

Me: “[Law Firm], may I help you?”

Caller: “HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER?”

Me: “Is there someone I can connect you with?”

Caller: “I’VE ALREADY CALLED THE POLICE!”

Me: “Good to know; have a nice day!”

Caller: *click*

(It is a slow afternoon at the restaurant where I work. There is a couple eating at one of the tables, but they are the only dine-in customers. I have been sweeping the dining room, and eventually I end up close to their table.)

Customer: “MOO!”

(Yes, “MOO!” like the sound cows make.)

Me: *continues sweeping*

Customer: “MOO!”

Me: *glances at the man, to find he is scowling furiously at me*

Customer: “Hey, MOO!”

Me: *trying to be polite* “Are you talking to me?”

Customer: *in a very rude tone* “Yeah, I sure am talking to you! Now give me another ranch for my salad!”

(I got him the ranch, he thanked me, and that was the end of our interactions.)