(I’m just having one of those “glitch in the Matrix” weeks, where weird things keep happening out of the blue. This is just one example. I work in a vet clinic. It’s Tuesday evening. I’m the only staff member still at work, and we’re less than an hour from closing. The vet has gone to her other office for the evening, and we’re only still open for pickup — meds, patients, etc. The door opens and a woman walks in.)

Me: “Hi. How can I help you?”

Woman: *smiles confidently at me* “Oh, hello. I am here with my chicken.”

Me: *sure I heard wrong since we don’t treat livestock* “I’m sorry, your chicken?”

Woman: “Yes. She is sick.”

Me: “I apologize, but we don’t see livestock here. And the vet is not here currently. But you may want to try [Larger Emergency Vet Hospital]; I believe they see livestock. I can give you their information if you need it—”

Woman: *suddenly enraged, her face turning violently red* “NO! I was told you see chickens!”

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but we, unfortunately, do not have a vet who treats livestock here. I recommend trying to see if [Larger Emergency Vet Hospital] is able to see her.”

(Getting redder by the moment, she shoves the basket with her chicken in it in my face; she’d had it under the raised counter where I couldn’t see it.)

Woman: “YOU NEED TO SEE MY CHICKEN NOW! SHE IS SICK!”

Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am, but there’s nothing I can do. Even if my vet was here — unfortunately, she isn’t right now — she doesn’t treat chickens. Other than referring you elsewhere, I can’t help you.”

(She shoves her chicken in my face again. It is getting increasingly upset each time the owner violently swings her basket into my face.)

Woman: “YOU ARE WRONG! I WAS TOLD YOU CAN SEE CHICKENS!”

(I open my mouth to repeat everything again when the woman abruptly makes a frustrated screech to cut me off. Clearly aware she’s not going to get her way, she stomps out. Then, from the hallway, I hear:)

Woman: “THIS PLACE HATES CHICKENS!”

(A few months ago, a series of gas explosions rocked an area to the north of Boston. Several homes were damaged or destroyed, though injuries were thankfully low. My coworker lives in one of the towns affected and was evacuated in the early morning, and is thus unable to come into the office, so I’ve been providing cover for her. We work as faculty assistants. A woman from another department in the school calls to set up a meeting with one of my colleague’s professors.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have access to that professor’s calendar. If it’s for something urgent, I can try to catch him in person today?”

Caller: “I think it can wait. Do you know when [Coworker] will be back in?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no. She lives up in [Town affected], so she’s displaced right now and it’s too early to know when she’ll be allowed back into her house.”

Caller: “Goodness, that’s awful!”

Me: “Yeah. Thank God, her house wasn’t one of the ones that blew, but it’s such a scary thing!”

Caller: “It’s terrible, just terrible! And I haven’t heard anything about how it happened, but it must have been terrorism, right?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure about that—“

Caller: “It had to be! What else could it be?”

Me: “Well, I think I saw something about how they were doing maintenance—“

Caller: “Oh, they’ll say anything now. It’s just a cover-up! It had to be terrorists; that’s the only thing that makes sense!”

Me: “Right. Sure… So, why don’t you email [Professor], and CC me and [Coworker], and hopefully we’ll get this scheduled.”

(Why on earth terrorists would want to target an insignificant residential area thirty miles from the nearest city is beyond me, but she wasn’t the only one to jump to that conclusion!)

(I manage a convenience store. We take turns running specials between Coke and Pepsi. One day this woman comes in when I have Pepsi on special.)

Customer: “Can I get the special price on Coke? I don’t like Pepsi.”

Me: “Sorry, our special is on Pepsi this week.”

Customer: “Well, you are being prejudiced against Coke.”

Me: “Uh…”

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(I work in reservations for hotels and properties, and we are supposed to ask for customers’ names and contact numbers. This lady calls in all nice.)

Customer: “Can I please see what you have available? I’m flying in from [Location].”

Me: “Sure, may I have a good number to contact you in case we get disconnected?”

Customer: *silence*

Me: *silence*

Customer: “Did you seriously just ask me, a customer, that? Did you honestly think that was a good question? In fact, are you new? I don’t know how long you were trained for, but you obviously need to go back because your trainer has done a poor job.”

Me: “I’m sorry? I don’t understand.”

Customer: “And that is exactly the problem. In fact, I really want to speak to your manager; you really do not need to be on the phones. I can’t believe you would actually say, ‘I’m sorry?’ to a customer. My five-year-old can express himself better.”

(I just asked this lady for her phone number.)

For whatever reason, our corporate office sent us a life-size statue of a sheep. Our business is assisted living; we have nothing whatsoever to do with sheep or sheep products. Our local mascots are not sheep. There is really no local sheep industry in the area. So, basically, it’s just a random sheep. They never told us why they sent it.

I should mention at this point that although it is life-size, it doesn’t look real at all. It’s entirely a lovely cream color, but has no eye color, hoof color, etc. It’s the one solid color. And yet, I have had no less than four people say something along the lines of, “Oh! I thought it was real!” in complete, honest-to-God seriousness.

So, we moved it outside and put a scarf on it in the colors of the local university, just for fun. I kind of forgot it was there until not a week after it was out there and a lady came in and went, “There’s a sheep in your yard!” She honestly thought we had a live-a** sheep just hanging out in our yard with no fence, right next to a busy road, in the middle of the d*** city.

You’d think this would be the end of the story, but it’s not. Just yesterday, we got another huge box delivered. Guess what was in the box?

Yep, another sheep. I have no idea what the f*** is happening.